Y’all already know my fondness of letters, and just as I poured my heart out in thanks of the Hat’s Aretha (it is no longer Aretha’s Hat. The hat is now so awesome, that it is considered the owner of Aretha, instead of the other way around), I’m writing a 4-page letter to Mr. West (but I ain’t enclose it with a kiss).
Dear KanYe (is the Y capitalized or not?),
I’m concerned. About you. Let’s talk about it. I know you’ve had a VERY rough year and a half, with your Mom’s passing (RIP Dr. Donda West). She was your biggest supporter (I LOVE “Hey Mama” and lost my voice singing it when you came to U. of Illinois for the concert), and CLEARLY the love of your life. Then, you broke up with your perpetually ornery fiancee, Alexis. The wench ain’t NEVER smile. She wouldn’t smile at a Unicorn Ranch located on some fluffy clouds and made up of chocolate and caramel. What was up with that? I mean, is life perusing the world and going to fashion shows REALLY that tough? She looks like she wakes up and pisses gloom. Loosen up, damn!
Oh where was I? Ah yesss… anyway. You’ve lost the two most important people to you in these past 18 months, and your world has probably been turned upside down. I understand. This has clearly affected your life, and I can see that in certain things you’ve done.
1. You recorded 808s and Heartbreak. I’ve only heard a couple of songs on it but you seem to have convinced yourself that it is okay for you to SING actual songs… and then record them… and then release them to the world to be archived in our permanent memories. This is not okay. Please leave the singing to people who can. You singing is like:
- Rodney Dangerfield releasing a rap album (which he did. But we musn’t speak of it too much)
- Hootie & the Blowfish playing at a Black History Month Event
- LisaRaye playing a non-sassy, neck-snapping character
2. You showed up at the Grammy’s looking like you wanted to be beamed up in that aluminum jacket. PLUS, you had the unmitigated GALL to rock a shag mullet. This REALLY perplexed me to no end. iCant. Recalling it just infuriates me. It’s like you went to the barber and say “F*ck up my hair as much as you can.” and he passed (or failed with FLYING colors, which incidentally, got transferred to…).
3. Your crew and their technicolor dreamcoats looking faces. Are these the riff raffs you choose to surround yourself with? There are just many reasons I have a problem with this visual I saw of your Posse. Together, y’all look like extras from that old low budget show “Homeboys in Outer Space”. Where is Flex Washington??? The most non-matchinest group of people I’ve seen in a minute! I’ve seen less colors on a color wheel than in this picture. And honestly, none of you fellas in this picture look like you welcome or enjoy the female touch (Not that there’s anything wrong w/ that aka NTTAWWT)*
“Jesus Walks” in mysterious ways and he
needs to make me “Stronger” because
CLEARLY, Kanye and his peeps are on that “Crack Music”. Looking at this pic continues to
“Bring Me Down” cuz all their sense
is “Gone”. “Wake up, Mr. West!” and smell the “Roses”
First, one of your homeboys has on leopard print leggings. The words “homeboy”, “leopard-print” and “leggings” should never be uttered concurrently in a sentence. EVER. (10 points to anyone who can form a sentence where using these words together can be acceptable. Shoot, I may even post the winner’s sentence on my next blog). Then another one of your boys has on sunshine yellow gymshoes, blue bubble vest and red frames. Jeebus be a coheisve color palette for that fool. The rest of you are a mess too. In fact, y’all match in THAT sense.
For Farnsworth Bentley to be the most masculine man in a picture disturbs me to no end! But even then, why does he have on a white glove? Looking like Sister O’Dell’s nephew, Muriel, the Head Usher at “Father, can you hear me? My will is ALL yours Faith Tabernacle A.M.E.” He is Church Announcement for the annual Bazaar proper! Still, he is the best looking dude in the picture. However, the guy to the far left’s Louis V briefcase IS the business though!
On top of ALL of that, ‘Ye… 
4. Your new girl, Amber is an ex-stripper lesbian chick that looks like a walking pencil who’s eraser has been used up. Ok, I’m hating. Actually, the chick is FIERCE! Her face is stunning, and that blond fade works for her somehow (No Boy George). But how is her CHARACTER, ‘Ye? (I can hear all the men saying “EFF her character! She’s FINE!!!”) Of all the women in the industry, that’s who you could attach yourself to? I been thought something about her just don’t… just don’t curl all the way over. Then finding out that she’s a lesbian who has a scorned stud of an Ex girlfriend in Brooklyn made me go MMHMMM!! (Btw: Stud lesbians kinda scare me. Like for real.)
Iunno, Yizzle. You just seem to be acting out lately. I just wanna hold you in my bosom and say everything will be okay. Drop the shag mullet haircut, go hang with a crew that can’t be called the “Ambiguously Wack Posse”, release an actual rap album and don’t become enamored with the likes of Amber Rose (ya know, TALL women.). Pocket Straights (a small man you just want to put in your pocket and take places with you) such as yourself oughta stick with women your height. 5’4 and below.
Alls I know, Mr. West, is that you seem troubled. If you need anyone to talk to, I’m here whenever (umm well apart from 8 – 10 on Mondays and Tuesdays. That time is dedicated to my VH1 and MTV lineup of brain cell killers shows. Wednesdays from 9-10 are also usually bad since Top Chef comes on. Then Thursday night lineup keeps me busy too so that doesn’t work. Plus, you know I work a 9 – 5 on weekdays so, yeah.) Ya know, Kanye, if you ever in need to talk between 5:14pm to about 7:58pm on a Saturday, I’m ya girl!
My couch is even MAD plush and comfortable. Lay down, take off them ugly ALL red Louis Vuitton gymshoes you designed, and let’s discuss.
Truly (sometimes) and Always (except for when I’m lazy) Yours,
Article by Luvvie
Luvvie roasts and rants at AwesomelyLuvvie.com. She is also the co-founder of The Red Pump Project, an initiative to raise awareness on the effect of HIV/AIDS on women & girls (www.theredpumpproject.com). Luvvie is also a social media consultant and web designer.
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well he did say ‘…and i’d do anything for a blond dyke. and she’d do anything for the limelight…’ i’m just saying…
i think he’s doing all of this (the mullet, the girl, the album, the clothes) to prove a point. this point being that the sun rises, shines, and sets on this dude, and we’re squirrels living in his world trying to get a nut.
basically…we can’t tell him nothin’
KAnye does what makes him happy, so it seems. Perhaps he is acting out, or perhaps he is proving that hip-hop is so universal it doesnt always come in a hoodie and platinum chain.
I agree its a LITTLE fashion forward, but he is a musical genius and genius often comes with some crazy.
And I dont care if she was/is a lesbian she is FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE as all hell.
My homeboys threw away some leopard-print leggings that they accidentally bought.
Kanye West is an arrogant mess. Hey that kinda rhymed! Maybe I’ll come out with a rap album too! Gimme a break. Kanye is talented, I’ll give him that ,but that ego he has is totally uncalled for. Remember when he posed on the cover of Rolling Stone as Jesus?! Yeah, it was over for me and Kanye at that point. He is sooooo ridiculous. In fact, I think his older music is better than his new stuff (I’m talking about what plays on the radio cause I don’t buy his music. I don’t want to contribute to his record sales).
That mullet is a ugly, his crew’s outfits are ugly, that “thing” he is with is u-g-l-y (imagine her without makeup, please). Probably the best thing Kanye has ever done was beat 50 cent in that ridiculous contest back in ’07. Oh and he encouraged guys to put away the tall-T and wear argyle sweaters. I almost like him just for that. Almost.
Hahaha. Good read Luvvie. I love Kanye…minus the hair and the questionable colorful posse. His girl is banging. I’m sure her fierceness (is that a word?) makes up for questionable character…lol.
I really do think that Kanye is going through a very public grieving period. He lost the most important woman in his life, and has not been given the chance to properly grieve for her with the media circus surrounding her death. He has the opportunity to be one of the greatest performers of all time..but only if someone will reach out to him and lend him a helping hand. I do like that he is trying new things in terms of music though. But listening to most of 808s & Heartbreak was like wanting to commit suicide! I think that he is trying to find direction and clarity in his life at this point.
lol @ “riff raffs” that name fit perfect for them fools.
This is classic entertainment 101. It blurs the line between fantasy and fiction (there’s a double entendre for ya’). To opine any more on his job (to entertain) is to become a critic and relinquish my seat in the audience (notice I did refrained from the word fan[atic]). this is the somewhat make believe world that K.W. is now immersed in. Yes he probably needs to look at the reflection of what he has become. Thank God hind sight is 20/20 he will in time see clearly as age brings wisdom (or at least it should) but for now like so many eccentrics before him the public can gawk in awe at the complexities of fame and celebrity.
Maybe Kanye is “acting out” for a reason, I’m sure you’ve all heard “all publicity is good publicity” at least I believe thats how it goes. People give him exactly what he wants and that’s attention, whether or not it’s good or bad, it’s attention, anytime his album is mentioned, believe me someone, not everyone, but someone is going to get curious and either go buy it or pay to download it, he’s a smart businessman. Don’t get me wrong I love this letter, it has some good points and it’s hilarious, but it’s more attention.
I like some of his work, but I’ve never really considered myself a fan, although he is very entertaining, lol, Anyway, I don’t think he’s going to change anytime soon, so who are we to judge, let the man live, either he’ll come to what some of us believe to be his senses or he’ll continue to do what he’s doing, who knows this could be who he really was all this time, maybe he took a note from Andre 3000, he switched it up and his career blew up. Think about.
I must admit, I was not at all suprised at Kanye’s recent transformation. I predicted this would happen when I found out his mother died so maybe this is why I have just accepted it. I will always and forever be a DiE HARD Kanye West fan and stick by him no matter what because in my eyes he is a musical genius (to say the least). I bought 808′s and Heartbreaks… thought it was DOPE! It was just a breathe of fresh air to me, something that I had never heard PERiOD! I, like everyone else, miss the old kANYE too but when I read his interview in Vibe magazine earlier this month and he stated that, ” …people think that Im going through some things because I have switched up my style. That’s not it, its just that Im not longer taking a test!” I realized that maybe this will last for a while. When he says “taking a test” he means that when he got into to industry, he had to prove that he could rap, he had to prove that he could produce, he had to prove that he was FRESH… His whole career he had to pass a test. Now there is no test to pass because he’s doing the music that he wants to do, wearing the things he wants to wear just cause he wants to! Get off his back! I think his whole life he was worried about making money…. chasing it constantly! Now, his best friend( his mother) is gone, his future wife is gone and where is he left??? Nowhere! He has nothing to show for what he buys!
“My friend showed me pictures of his kids/And all I could show him was pictures of my cribs/He said his daughter got a brand new report card /And all I got was a brand new sports car”
Kanye understands that is you chase and honor material things all your life, that is what essentially defines you and your left alone! He’s just trying to find happiness all while walking to the beat of his own drum. That is commendable and bold in my opinion and I respect that!
And I quote from VH1′s Storyteller’s series when Mr. West performed, “So many people get caught up in trying to remake their first album and it’s impossible for me to make another College Dropout. But I could make the best Graduation and the best 808′s that I could make and that’s how I think you keep on advancing as an artist. So few hip-hop artists have ever advanced, their songs on their seventh and eigth albums sound exactly like the songs on their first album. More than an artist I am a real person and real people grow and I wanna sing my growth.” Now granted I didn’t even get to see this special I still have access to some of the key quotes from it because I downloaded the mixtape with what I’m guessing are the highlights of the show. Me being the die hard Kanye fan that I am (since college dropout when I popped the cd in and heard “to all my people that’s drug dealing just to get by/ stack ya money til it get sky high” I knew I could rock with the man) I’m passing judgement on how he dresses or who he is dating because those things don’t really have an affect on his lyrical content and delivery. And he never fails to impress me in either of those categories. So this letter adressing the “riff raffs” and the “sexy ball-fade blonde” and the fashion statements you disagree with seems to be pointing out the obvious that the ever so arrongant/confident (saying that with a slash because he tends play the fence with both of those) could care less about your opinion. But all and all I liked the letter because it let me know that you still have your eyes on him even if you don’t like all the things he says or does. Looking forward to the next Kanye LP and expecting GROWTH & DIVERSITY.. two things that todays generation needs to see exemplified.
You might not be able to understand Kanye’s new persona but I think that’s normal when dealing with ingeniuos artists; they are always on a different vein, even to point where it looks weird to us. Note: From Picasso to Lauryn Hill, Michael Jackson, Erykah Badu the list goes on: All of them went through (or got stuck in) this ‘weird’ phase whether it be in their appearance or behavior. I think there’s something to be said about art and strangeness…
But yeah dude is on some other in that pic; and as far as his girl, I don’t understand it… but get it how you live ‘Ye… thats still my big homie though lol
I have more to say later. For now I’ll say, I agree with the comment that he is working through a very public grieving period. He lost his fiance and his mother. Two very important women to him. I do think he’s way too arrogant though. Oh, and I dig Amber Rose (aka his new toy)… So shoot me. LoL.
dee – “being that the sun rises, shines, and sets on this dude, and we’re squirrels living in his world trying to get a nut.” I totally cackled at that
Larry – The dude wearing the leopard leggings is not fashion forward. That fool is just a plain mess. And you are right. Like I said, Amber is actually MIGHTY FIERCE! I was just hating, lol
Rising – YESSS! Great way to incorporate “homeboy”, “leopard” and leggings into a senstence that made sense
Alissa – Kanye’s ego is bigger than JayZ’s lips. For real.
Jen M. – If FIERCENESS aint a word, it makes no difference to me. I still use it.
Jenifer – The public grief has got to be difficult. That is why I think Kanye is spazzing. He needs to lay on my couch so we can figure out how to fix his troubles.
Keenan – “Riff Raffs” is one of my fave phrases
Bycha – All that you just said rocks. Yup! (this is my way of knowing I couldnt trump your comment so I will just nod)
Ernestine – I’m actually a fan of Kanye’s b/c his music is catchy, interesting, and in the ocean of negativity oozing from some of hip hop, his music is the fresh fish. However… 808s happened. lol
Kanye – I really hope Kanye finds that happiness. Like truly
Marcus – Kanye doesnt straddle the fence btwn arrogance and confidence. He tripped over the fence and fell face first into ArroganceVille. Even he has admitted that.
Aaryn – Yeah, it seems most geniuses are crazy. I still weep for Lauryn Hill.
Sharri – LOL dont worry. You wont get shot. I think Amber’s actually HOT (no Ellen). But something about her still makes me give her the side-eye
Lol thanks Luvvie. I enjoy the way that she has enough confidence to rock that hair cut (or should I say that lack-of-hair cut).
Lol, you pretty much responded to everyone…. but don’t get me wrong, I do agree with you as far as the negativity in hip hop, that’s why I rarely listen to it anymore, but me not really considering myself a fan of Kanye’s doesn’t mean I’ve never liked any of his music, to me it just means that I’ve never had that “oh, the new Kanye is out, I need to go get it” feeling. I do feel that he’s talented, and that he may even be going through some changes right now, or he may even be seeking attention, and doing a damn good job of it. With all that said I still don’t think ppl should judge, like the he’s gay, he’s lost his mind type of comments, we don’t what’s going on with the man.
Oh and the Amber chic is beautiful, (in your own words no Wanda Sykes) she just my not be everyone’s cup of tea…
Oops, error in my above comment, it should say “ppl SHOULDN’T judge”.
Ernestine – I’m a fan of Kanye and dont hold any grudges against him, even for his poor clothing choices. But he just seems to be acting out. Iunno. I write. Why? Because I care!
hehe Thanks for reading, chick!
Just had to pop up and say that I too like Kayne’s music. His public image burned me a while ago. I have just about every Kanye album, mixtape, what have you. From College Dropout to the Sky High Mixtape. But I’m an honest critic. I am not a wang hanger. 808′s was not the best. It was a close look into his thoughts but it was depressing, and the autotunes thing was way over done. The 808′s were hot, the heartbreak was sad. I enjoyed the album, but I’ll probably never listen to it again. It had rotation for about a month. I think that some of what he’s doing is wack because he’s TRYING. Andre 3000 is different and you can look over time and see his evolution and he just IS. With Cee-Loo, he too was always different, when he made the jump to out there he did it under a different persona, and it was believable. Prince can wear assless chaps because it makes sense for HIM. Kayne seems like he’s trying to be different and unique which makes him just like everyone else. MARTIN LOUIE THE KING?? Kill yoself right there in Paris (Pair-ee) In VH1 storytellers he’s like “my only pain in life is that I can’t see myself perform”. Try again please. He also says “I’m sorry for being a bitch at award shows……” then cancels it all out with “It’s just an award show. It’s not like I shot anybody..” Ugh. Get over yourself. I can’t even take it if he’s just joking because it’s not really all that funny anymore.
Soooooo… nobody is gonna point out the obvious here? You guys are going to leave me to be the devil’s advocate huh? Nobody’s wants to take the tough stance here, huh? Its cool… I got this…
KanYe is gay.
As much as I hate to throw that out there if its not true, if I hung around a group of riff-raffs like that, y’all would think I was gay too. KanYe isn’t above being called out.
All I can say is if this whole re-re get up/stand up for your autistic rights- themegear and ‘punky brewster dress code’ society of his is not just for show, then someone needs a purple pill called Wellbutrin so they can all get back focused…the 808′s is not HAUTE sweety, he done took karaoke in the shower to the extreme and obviously has enough money to make everyone YES him to death on how it sounds (who let that get past the producer)?….the clothing makes me feel like why do we even worry about new stuff coming off the runway if everybody only needs to go through their grandma’s closets…and throw together something that efficiently covers the body???!!! Ugh this frustrates me because there is a thin line between genius and insanity….and I think he is either teetering on it or bout to hang himself with it…either way he is at the end of that line…unless he can bounce back. but he may want to start by not bringing back the reincarnation of the lady from the Eurythmics group to dinner.