The other day I was embroiled in a conversation about miscellaneous things. Me being me, I tried my best to sound intelligent and witty as possible and I largely succeded – well, except for when I thought people were lying when they said Pluto wasn’t a planet anymore. Who just gets rid of a planet? Sorry for digressing – I’m back on track now…
Two of my friends kept co-signing [for the slang uneducated: arguing my points] against me and from the looks of things; they looked awfully friendly to each other during the process. I confronted them about their touchy-feely stances and playful gazes at each other and asked what was up between the two of them. They were looking like this:
They in turn responded that they were just friends.
I must have looked them as if they were trying to sell an Eskimo a fan in the middle of the winter.
Just friends?!!
Men and women can’t be just friends.
In my world, it’s just not possible to me. Go sell crazy elsewhere, I’m all filled up here. Chances are if you’re one of my female friends, I’ve probably checked you out on several occasions and quite possibly thought about you nude… but then again, I’m a dude. I think about sex a lot.
However, there are some exceptions to that rule. I have developed my own advanced theory about the whole situation and I know you’re dying to hear about it. OK, maybe not.
If you’d like to hear it, here it goes…
Men and women cannot be friends unless:
A) you’ve dated one of their friends.
As many of you already know, I have an unwritten rule that adhere to and I expect my friends to the same: If I’ve dated her, you shouldn’t.
B) they were in a relationship when you met them or they were/are just getting out of one.
This usually involves like “I wish I had met you first” or something referring to bad timing and fidelity – however this rule is usually the one that is broken the quickest.
C) they live an “alternative lifestyle.
Charlie won’t be able to like you if he likes Dick…
D) you were never attracted to them.
I think that one speaks for itself.
Who wants to be walking around with a shim?!!
I know some of you are probably popping your necks, rolling your eyes and snapping your fingers to my theory, especially the ladies. You’re probably thinking that you have a lot of male friends and this doesn’t fit you. It may not, but chances are – I’m right on the money.
A lot of times guys want to do a lot more than sit and listen to you wax poetic about your thoughts about what happened on [insert stupid award TV show] or help you screw off jars in the kitchen, (he’d probably rather be screwing you in the kitchen) but you may not want that in return and he wants your pretty face/frame in his life so he deals with it and makes the horrific plunge into the friend zone.
With all of that being said, wouldn’t it make sense to date your friend if you were attracted to them, they were unattached, never dated anyone your friends (or vice versa), and you guys got along great?
That sounds just too much like right for the kid… but hey, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
What are your thoughts about this? Do you believe males and females can be just friends? Let me know.
That’s my two cents… and my time.
Article by One Smart Black Man
You can check out more from Mr. Smart Guy at onesmartblackman.blogspot.com.
One Smart has written 17 article(s) for us.
Senor_H_El_Jefe (38)
bitter black dude (20)
Abdul Wilson (16)
the uppity negro (13)
JG* RunsTheKitchen (12)
E. Reed (11)
Idu Charles (11)
J Mark (11)
blackchild (10)
R0cktheMike (10)
true2me (9)
yadi (9)
Captain No Marriage (8)
j2y2k3 (8)
Ashleigh L. A. (6)
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Does that mean all the male friends I have think I look like Lil Kim without makeup on right after one of her surgeries? This makes me sad *wall slide* lol
In convos with all my guy friends about this topic, they all agree that they’ve considered doing the horizontal tango with most, if not all their female friends. I hate to think they tryna plot to get into my boyshorts. I will continue to swim in denial. It’s better that way lol
I believe me and woman can be friends. My bestfriend is a guy and I do not look at him like that what so ever. I have plenty of male friends that I call my brother and cool with all their girlfriends or ex girlfriends. so I mean sometimes u and that person is only meant to b friends because u know their ways…
The closet people in my life is dudes and I rather have a male friend sometime to break it down to me. I mean u will always get the smart comments on body and such and such. but they very brotherly to me and I can’t talk to any of their friends. does that mean they want me? no its because I’m their sister.
i don’t know, I think men and women can only be friends if they’re aren’t any initial romantic feelings between them. Which you obviously touched on… My best friend is a man I’ve known all my life and have NEVER had a romantic feeling for him and vice versa. So it’s possible!
Here’s the way I see it. I agree with the author of this piece.
If we’re being honest, 80 percent of the time a woman makes a man “a friend” its because she thinks he too ugly(bad breath, terrible teeth, not snazzy enough dresser, etc) to be with but has some qualities she appreciates
As for men, 80 percent of us are trying to figure how to get some from our female friends if the opportunity presents itself. Now I’m not saying that we do not have true feelings for you, look out for your best interests and be there in your time of need. I can have those feelings for you while sleeping with you at the same time.
On a side note, It frustrating to be just the friend especially when you have a female friend that makes terrible dating decisions. And then cries to you about it. But that’s another blog for another time.
I agree with the writer.
I’ve had guy friends and there was always a reason why we were “just friends.” There is no way that two people of the opposite sex who are attracted to each other, with no hindrances would not get together. And if they aren’t together without hindrances then they’ll ultimately get together. But, until there are no hindrances it’s fun to have guy friends … I can play Madden with them, they understand when I’m cussing at the tv during football season, and they can do all of the things that guys do for women who are their friends
I think it depends on how close the guy and girl are. I’m a guy’s girl. I have tons of male friends. Don’t get me wrong, I am not naive. I know that the older I get and the more slim-pickin “good” men and women get, these guys aren’t out here lookin for a girl to watch the game with…just like I’m not looking for a guy to go shopping with. For what? At the same time though, I find it hard to believe that every guy I kick it with is thinking of me naked. **shuddering at the thought** With that being said, do I have a best friend that’s a guy like I did in HS? No cause I think that’s silly and it’s going to either turn into a relationship or someone is going to get very, very hurt. I think men and women can be “just friends” but not “best friends”.
I have many female ‘friends’. It’s often the cause of debate between my significant other and I. Its just my personality though. I know people, and I believe that knowing and networking are key to success. As acquaintances evolve into friendships, I believe it can be strictly platonic. I don’t think about trying to have sex with my female friends. If I did, there is no way FXP would be what it is right now, because 80% of the folks we work with our women, lol.
It’s a complete double standard though. If you are my girlfriend, you don’t need a guy friend. Especially not any new ones. If he’s been your friend for 5+ years…cool. But if he just pops up, and its not in the general course of business, he can politely excuse himself from the equation.
“are* women”. These typos are killing me…
Or maybe I’m just being chauvinistic, and I slipped up, lol.
Mr. S….
Go play in traffic.
If you got Becky, Tiffany, Susie, and Jill hangin out, then I can have Tom that I met randomly, but I’m in no way attracted to. In relationships you have to live and let live. If they wanna cheat, they will. I agree that being friends is truly hard, but I’ve had guys that wanted to sleep with me, not pass go, but we still ended up as friends. It’s true though that it always crosses someone’s mind. It’s just about if they choose to cross the line.
I don’t think it ‘always’ crosses someone’s mind. I also don’t have Becky, Susie, or Jill, lol. I’m just saying, you can have acquaintances and it be platonic. I think “hanging out” takes it to another level. Acquaintances can be made, and friendships formed, in platonic fashion.
I go by the “if they wanna cheat, they will” motto too. However, I know how guys think, and most guys are trying to knock it out if they get the chance.
Women are different though. They aren’t on it, unless the guy is on it. They don’t want to look to forward or aggressive.
Hence why I can have female associates/friends, and its tougher for women. Guys are in control of whether or not its “just friends”…because we’re the ones that will be choosing to pursue or not to pursue. Of course there are exceptions where a woman is the aggressor, but it’s not the norm.
I totally agree with the author. What man do you know who’s out “looking for a female friend?” Men become friends with women by default *see the reasons the author outlined.” I’ll add this disclaimer – men & women can be friends if that’s all the woman wants to be. Also, you 2 can be friends, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have sex with you.
@ Alissa “I find it hard to believe that every guy I kick it with is thinking of me naked.” Don’t be naive. Of course they are. Maybe not ALL the time, but every time you stand up & they catch a glimpse of your @ss, best believe they’re imagining that @ss naked. It’s automatic. They can’t help it.
I still stand by my statement that men and women can be friends if that’s all the MAN wants it to be. If the woman only wants that, it doesn’t matter… because while she’ll be the man’s friend in her mind, she’ll be his potential love interest in his. If the man wants to be more, it won’t work…because he’ll be coming at her head, lol.
LMAO @ AJ’s response to Alissa.
(Without getting on a soap-box) Yes, men and women can be friends. The dynamics can vary as to why they have a “friendship”. I’m curious as to how we (those who have commented) and the author define friendship. Part of me feels like it is very simplified. I have more maybe I’ll give more later…
Crazily enough I’m commently right under one of my best guy friends in the world..who I’ve known since HS. LOL. I believe men and women can be just friends, and it does not depend on the MAN to determine that friendship. It’s 2009, women have a say-so and can also vote – imagine that, S. LOL. Now, have these guys envisioned me in nothing more than a 12 oz. can of Coca-Cola? Maybe, maybe not. Does that mean that he wants to be more than friends? No. It just means he thinks I’m hot. Whoop-dee-doo. *shoulder shrug* Now, why aren’t me and these guys an item? What are our hindrances? We’re mutually disinterested. Does every case in the world work like this? No, therefore there are tons of fake friends. Shoot, I’ve been one in my former life, lol. However, is it possible to be just friends without all the stipulations? Yes. Case closed.
*commenting not commently. Sorry!!