I am a woman. In my twenties. Who could have a baby. I. could. have. a. baby. Sometimes just saying it makes me ::shiver::. Having a baby would make me a mommy. That means I would be responsible for the life of a child. ::shakes the thought away:: Please note, I am not saying anything against women who have, or want babies. Just for me, right now…I just don’t think I’m there yet.
Society sort of grooms women to think that we must want to make babies with the less fair sex. It’s as though once we are of a certain age, the light turns green, and we must start the procreation. But at the same time, women get judged for having babies out of wedlock. With the way that marriage rates are looking these days though, how much of a choice do some women really have? I digress.
As a woman with certain career aspirations, I sometimes toggle back and forth about the idea of having children. There are just so many things to think about. Timing, financial stability, relationship status, location…and the list could continue. Some say that either way, things will work out. That’s all fine and dandy, but that doesn’t change my apprehension.
So what if a woman doesn’t want to have children?
Do people think this woman is less than a woman? Or maybe that her instincts are broken? Is she less desirable to a man as a prospect for a wife? There are some women who do not have that “maternal instinct” in the way that its expected to manifest in women. Seeing babies or pregnant ladies may not strike a warm and fuzzy feeling in her. And there are others who are driven by careers that are not kid or family friendly. Is this woman selfish for wanting to achieve certain goals over wanting to be a mother?
What if she wants to be a home maker and housewife?
In today’s independent-woman, world should this woman be considered an exception? Do women get judged for wanting to be a stay at home mother? Is this a woman’s true place? Yeah right.
Like I said, I go back and forth about this all the time. Seeing pregnant woman doesn’t excite me the way it excites my friends, or other women my age. It sort of freaks me out. I don’t get all warm and fuzzy when I think about having a that pregnant woman glow or having a new being growing on my insides creating life. Instead, I think about stretch marks and possibly gaining weight that I can’t lose. No bueno.
Ladies, does the idea of having babies freak you out too? Men, does a woman lose brownie points if she says she doesn’t want to have babies? Is it okay for a woman not to want babies? Help a sista figure this out.
Sowhatiff – No stretch marks and swollen ankles for me, thanks – Jenkins
Article by Three Ways To Take It
Three Ways to Take It is an award-winning lifestyle blog that covers everything from celebrity tomfoolery, politics, and music to relationships, sex, and everyday life occurrences—all told from the perspective of three talented African American writers. Our purpose is to not only post content that will make you laugh or reflect on your own life but to also keep you intellectually stimulated. Each of the writers has his/her own distinct style that caters to the different demographics of our readership. Catch Seattle Washington, Sowhatiff Jenkins, and Slim Jackson at www.threewaystotakeit.com.
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
I know I sure don’t want to have any kids. I’ve always sat on the fence but, I’m pretty sure I’d be hella content without them.
It always makes me feel better when I hear about women who share the feelings that I have about childbearing. I’ve never wanted kids, nothing about being pregnant is appealing to me at all, and I don’t want to be responsible for another human being for the rest of my life. It doesn’t make you any less of a woman for wanting to achieve your own goals, live your own life, and remain in charge of your body. If you have kids, love them and raise them right…if you don’t have kids and you don’t want them, that’s great too. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
@Amber, I agree with all of you. I’m not looking forward to doing any of that jazz.
If a woman doesn’t want to have children (birthing them or adopting them) that is her right as an individual. A lot of decisions that are made are considered selfish so I don’t play in to that too much. I agree there will be societal pressures from various places but so what. I think the problem truly comes into play when or IF she gets involved with somebody for a long-term committed relationship and the decision to not have children or when to become parents isn’t understood AND accepted… I think a woman can lose brownie points if the man wants children and she doesn’t. Not all men want children either so it just depends…
Do women get judged for being stay at home mothers in this “independent” hyped environment? There is a judgement that is made but I don’t think that is very negative or severe, if the other partner has sufficient enough income to support that then I don’t think it poses a problem nor would most people complain… Oh and I don’t know what the “true” place for a women, I’d presume it is wherever she could live in a healthy, fulfilling lifestyle.
I don’t think its wrong to not want babies at all. Its your choice, your body and most importantly your right! It’s true, society, our family and friends put very strong pressure on women to have children. But it is ultimately your decision. Just be sure that if you choose to have a long term relationship, be honest and make it clear that children may not be an option.
It’s late so I hope this makes sense, but a person questioning your “womanhood” based on the fact of you wanting or not wanting kids is right up there with a person questioning your “blackness” because of how you speak or act, it’s just stupid. I am a mommy, and one of my really close friends shutters at the thought of having children, and I would never think/feel that she’s less of a woman than I am, it’s just her choice, and I completely understand that. I think that it’s wrong for someone to lose brownie points if they don’t want children. Although I do understand if a person becomes upset when it gets to a certain point in a relationship, and then a bomb drops that you don’t want children, sure, no one discusses this at the beginning of a relationship, but if this is something that a person is adamant about it should come up at some point, before the relationship gets too deep. To be honest, sometimes you can’t win, I still get criticism from some of my family members because I chose to only have one child, hell you can’t please everyone. Live your life.
With all that said, if stretch marks and swollen ankles are the deciding factor in a persons decision of having children I would look at her a little side eyed, but I still wouldn’t judge. =)
Child-free by choice. It has definitely limited my options, but whatever. Such is life.
I am 20 and I have never wanted children or to be married. I’m hell-bent on this being my life. Sure, I want to have a significant other, but I don’t feel like I need a contractual agreement with this dude. I don’t think it’s natural for two people to want to be together forever. I do not want to be expected to do “wife” things; I see marriage at the submission of a female. I can’t do it. I am proud, determined and independant.In agreement with the writer, I’m honestly disgusted by pregnancy, pregnant people and children. i have child talk. It was not in me to be elpless for 9 months with some beast swelling my insides and tearing the smallest of holes in my body into pieces. Not cool. And any man who is cool with that and thinks that I, or we, are being selfish, have one yourself and tell me how it feels. I am so tired of thinking that I MUST do this and that to prove my womanhood. I have witnessed sad ass teen mothers and their struggles, and how they flushed their dreams down the toilet. I won’t be one of them.
I would love to find a man who is cool with this. My 4-year BF doesn’t seem to be gettng it. I WILL NOT MARRY YOU… Don’t think that I’m pregnant, because I never will be! I think he’s trying to trap ME…!