A while back my cousin and I were having a discussion about why we don’t have to many female friends, outside of our own friendship and the other handful of women that we associate with. We were joking around and said that we should start a club aptly named, “The Women Who Hate Women Club”. Typically, misogyny is a term thrown around in reference to men who hate women. I don’t think there is a term out there to describe the fact that there are women who hate women as well (if there is, please let me know).
Now, let me first say, that I don’t hate ‘all’ women and maybe HATE is a strong word. I just have a strong distaste for certain personality traits that ALOT of women have, even some that I may have possessed way back when!
Typically, I surround myself with women who are independent, low-maintenance, eclectic, educated and grounded. Their topics of discussion won’t be that new pair of Manolo’s they bought from Saks or whose man they’re trying to flirt with or sleep with knowing that he’s already taken. I love being around women who don’t fit the status quo and aren’t afraid to try new things or are worried about breaking a nail or sweating out their perms. They don’t have to put on airs about who they are and what they stand for. They wouldn’t dare infringe or cross the line when it comes respect, be it themselves or their other female friends. There’s no hidden agenda, WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get).
I think a lot of women have genetically flawed personalities and they don’t even realize it. They can’t help being the conniving, superficial, materialistic, victimized, backstabbing b*tches that the world has painted women to be. Chances are, their mother, grandmother, aunts were/are the same way, so they really wouldn’t know any better. Some women have no sense of self. They don’t know if they’re coming or going half the time. They feel the need to become whatever is ‘in style’ at the time. They have no clue as to what they want out of life, they’d prefer someone to show them what they should have or be able to give it to them. Some feel that they’re entitled to certain things without having to put in the hard work. God forbid these type of women have children. You know the saying, stupid people have stupid kids, it’s sad but true.
In any event, the few female friends that I do have, have proved to be loyal and have withstood the test of time, growth, distance & life changes. Recently I have came across a few females who are definitely cool people and have reconnected with a few from my past. Maybe one day my cousin and I will not need a club called, “The Women Who Hate Women Club”, in the words of Rodney King, “…can’t we all just get along”…LMAO! Great concept, but I don’t see it happening!
Article by [flahy] [blak] [chik]
I’m a blogger/writer based out of the DC Metro area. During the day I’m your ABOVE average 9-5 professional. In my spare time I choose to share my opinion on various subjects. Everything from the mundane to the not so mundane piques my interests. I can go from serious to humorous in a matter of seconds. My motto in life is, “There’s never anything too serious that can’t be laughed at”. Check out more at www.flyblakchik.com.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I blogged about this too! http://www.onefourthrandom.com/a-woman-and-her-friends/
I totally think we are the same person.
@JG*, Yeah, god forbid we discuss our disdain for a certain type of person. *gasp* the world is going to come to an end. Kumbayah.
“I think a lot of women have genetically flawed personalities and they don’t even realize it.”
I wonder if you put yourself in this category? I always find it sad when I hear women talking about how difficult it is to have healthy relationships with other women. It appears to me to be a form of self hatred.
@Jen,
As I said in my post, yes, I used to be the ‘women’ I refer to, and I can distantance myself from those types now b/c I can see them a mile away. Also, if it was a form of self-hatred, I wouldn’t have any female friends at all. Those females that I have befriended over the years, either through school, my sorority, the workplace, all come from diverse backgrounds and I’m proud to call them ‘true’ friends.
I’m not sure why it’s sad to hear women talk about having difficult friendships w/other women. Not everyone is going to get along with each other, for whatever reason. I can also write about how I don’t get a long with a certain type of male. Hmm…that’ll actually be my next post
@Jen, I agree with Jen. I get along with everyone. Women who claim that they “don’t get along well” with other women really need to mature (in most cases). I blogged about this too. And being from the DC area myself I have witnessed A LOT of hatred from women about other women. I’m not saying this applies to the writer (obviously because I don’t know her lol), but many of the traits these “women haters” claim to hold strong disdain for, are traits that they themselves possess.
“Their topics of discussion won’t be that new pair of Manolo’s they bought from Saks…”
-Are your female friends not allowed to like nice shoes? Lol. I mean I agree, conversation shouldn’t always center around shoes, but I don’t see what’s wrong with appreciating a nice form of wearable art haha!
Anyway, I receive “hate” from women all of the time. I usually end up becoming cordial with the very women doing it, and they are surprised that we actually get along. However, even that’s rare for me. I usually don’t have a problem getting along with women (or men for that matter), and many do describe me as unique… perhaps even weird lol.
PS- one of the most terrible personality traits to have is to be judgmental.
@Sharri, I don’t think the opinion that women tend to have a harder time getting along is all that uncommon.
@JG*, It’s not uncommon but that doesn’t make it mature. I too have these conversations with women, especially black women, of all ages and when you analyze some situations, you see that the reasons the women “can’t” get along is petty and ridiculous. It usually comes down to attitudes and egos. Now, there are those women who are just childish rude and many other negative adjectives. But for some reason, I don’t feel that that applies to you JG or the author of this post. And I refuse to believe that the MAJORITY of women she (and other “women haters”) encounters are these terrible childish b*tches.
JG, I completely see where you’re coming from with the article and some co-workers and I were just talking about this subject about a week ago. This is a universal subject among black women that has been had for the longest time. Why can’t we get along and where does this bitterness/competitivness towards each other stem from? I can say that at times, I do make the remarks about hating, however I know mine comes from being burned in friendships where I was putting a lot into it and wasn’t recieving the same in return. I feel being burnt is probably where it comes from for many women. I’m one of those females that congratulates and doesn;t help. I want woman to reach their full potential, but it seems many of us still feel that the only way to get ahead and make ourselves feel better is to put each other down,
I meant to put I completely see where [fung'ke] [blak] [chik] and JG are coming from. Trying to do two things at once.
In 100% agreement with Jen and Sharri. Nothing more to add, they said it all for me.
I agree with this article..Im one of those women who says, I don’t get along with other women, or I don’t have alot of female friends, but in my case, I don’t have alot of friends period male or female. I’m very fickle and selective. I have learned this over the years. Maybe it’s something personal I need to deal with, but after too much of the same person, with little to no growth in the relationship, or in their character, I get bored. Like you said, no one wants to sit around talking about shoes all day.