To The People Who Blame Steve McNair for His Own Demise:
You all should have stopped before you started. But since you didn’t, I’ll ask you to silence 
yourselves now.
No, I’m not foolish enough to paint Steve McNair as some “holier than thou” figure. He needs to be remembered as a human who did a little great, some good and some bad. It’s obvious he didn’t walk on water, make it so the blind could see or heal the sick.
He was human. Frankly, I don’t care how you look at him, so long as you don’t look at him as though he caused his own death.
No one should be simple enough to say that McNair, the former NFL quarterback found dead this weekend, did himself in through his actions. That’s like saying “he got what he had coming.” I’m sorry, but death is a steep price to pay for adultery. Usually it’s divorce, alimony, child support and/or reconciliation.
From what we now know, though, the 20-year-old woman he was dating outside of his marriage blew a gasket or six. Sahel Kazemi allegedly put two bullets in his head and two in his chest before killing herself.
Why did she do it? Because she — not McNair — lost it. Why did she lose it? People will be speculating about that for some time unless a suicide note shows up somewhere.
Still, you all have begun lambasting McNair because he was an adulterer. Some of you have turned it into “a cautionary tale” for cheating men. That’s not what this is. It’s a tragic example of someone not getting her/his way and deciding to take control via the worst possible means. Sure, the wages of sin is death. But adultery doesn’t beget murder.
We’ve all been tried before. We’ve all had our buttons pushed by our own personal George Jetsons to a point where we wanted to hurl fine China as though it were a Spacely’s Sprocket. But even with all his threats, Mr. Spacely never killed Jetson. He may have thought about it, but never did.
Likewise, most of us remove ourselves from trying circumstances via means that aren’t volatile. We leave and move on with our lives.
Kazemi chose to end theirs. That’s where your negative thoughts concerning this issue should lay — on her decision to end lives. Men and women cheat every day. Some fools skip continents and go missing in action from political offices to maintain affairs with their “soulmates” (see: Mark Sanford).
Yet, it isn’t the right of the wife or husband, the adulterer or the adulteress to take the life of any person involved in the situation because he or she isn’t happy and wants to alter the outcome with haste. Sanford’s wife had plenty of options, but Option “Finish Him” wasn’t one that computed. I wonder why?
Still, this purported form of life-taking vengeance takes place daily. This weekend, it was a well-respected athlete — with a marital flaw shared by many — who happened to be victimized.
Yes, he is a victim. Not the one at fault. Saying “he got what he deserved” or “maybe this will stop men from cheating” is almost like saying that if put in Kazemi’s position, you might make a Truman Capote novel out of your lover, too. See how insane that reads?
Be a better caretaker of your own words. Don’t allow them to justify Kazemi’s actions. Don’t blame McNair for his death. Instead, fault the Level 10 crazy person who was weak enough to take McNair’s life instead of being patient enough to fall back with grace and humility. Let this be the lesson learned from this tragedy: You can choose to walk away from negative situations.
If you need something to think about, focus your minds and hearts on McNair’s wife and four children. Unlike the Sanfords, they had their choice of family/fatherhood stripped away from them. But also lament Kazemi’s loved ones as well. They, too, are mourning a loss.
These are the unfortunate consequences of murder and suicide, not adultery. People are people, and we’re all going to die. But no one deserves death because he/she is an adulterer.
Sincerely,
Damon
Article by This May Concern You
Damon is a writer/blogger based in the Kansas City metropolitan area. He started This May Concern You: The Open Letter Blog [http://thismayconcernyou.com] after writing a single open letter to the one person who will neither accept nor deny his Facebook Friend Request. He's still in Facebook purgatory, but the blog has evolved into the place where Stuff White People Like meets Stuff Black People Hate on a plate with sides of moral and social consciousness. The letters are about pop culture, politics, sports and Damon's personal life. Some are serious and revealing. Others are self-deprecating, unabashedly honest and sarcastic. But each one aims to provoke thought and self-inventory.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I partially agree. Like the Bible says, The wages of sin is death. This is what seemed to have happened. Maybe a better scripture is what is done in darkness shall certainly be shone upon in the light. I think what people are saying is that if he had lived with integrity off the field like he did on the field then maybe he’d still be here today. One could argue that if it was his time it was his time. True. But he’d still be mourned without this dark cloud of controversy. I don’t know the status of his marriage but it all sounds like a shock to Mrs. McNair.
Sometimes their are consequences for our actions. He paid the ultimate price. He did place himself here in a sense but who’s to say he wouldn’t have died the same day and time in a car accident. All I know is that its better to live with integrity and honor than to go out like this.
@Rance Rob, I think its a bad situation all around. There are so many victims in all of this, more than anything his 4 sons and his wife. They have to live with this forever. Its a horrible legacy to leave. However, I saw someone that said they have no sympathy for him whatsoever. I think that is just wrong. I think you have to sympathize with death, no matter what. Sure he was cheating…but nobody is perfect. Nobody. We all have faults. His just resulted in the worst possible ending.
I agree with this to a certain extent. We all have choices and in this instance, Steve McNair chose to be an adulterer… As a result of his choice to be with her instead of his wife, he is now dead… Our choices always lead down a road to greatness or our demise…
i think that it’s wrong for people to say things like “he got what was coming to him”. none of us know the fullness of the situation and to damn someone like that is hurtful and wrong. God is the only one who can judge and therefore determine what someone has coming to them and as mere humans (who also make mistakes) we are just a little to hasty in these damnations.
i don’t condone his actions and am a firm believer in karma but i think that saying things like that is hurtful. this is someone’s father, son, brother, etc that we are talking about and such things is quite insensitive to his loved ones.
@aaronica, Exactly. I actually heard someone say they had no sympathy for him, and thats just wrong. That person I know for a fact isn’t perfect. No sin is greater than any other sin.
While what is said here is true….we must recognize the fact that Steve McNair did cheat. Does that mean he deserved to die…absolutely not…but something we try to teach our children…and as adults should have learned….there are consequences to our actions….unfortunantely sometimes the consequences maybe tragic….my heart goes out to his children and his wife….she now left to bring understanding to this tragedy to her young children…..
@regina, This is more where I am…. However I refuse to speak ill of the dead, so I just pray for his family, and hope that they find peace.
With so much death in the past two weeks, this story flew underneath my radar. But, this is unthinkable to me. These women out here are CRAZY. I don’t understand why people cannot just walk away from each other! A romantic relationship should never, ever turn fatal….. And I am disgusted by anyone who says that McNair got what he deserved. Death should never be a consequence of an affair — or at least it shouldn’t be. And what about the kids who lost their father? What did they do to deserve that? Nothing.
I agree with this article completely. I’m sorry but marriage vows do not trump LIFE. McNair committed a “sin” but people “sin” EVERYDAY. The fact that people feel as though they can judge this man’s mistakes are amazing to me, saying that none of us would think this was “deserved” if it were our cousin or brother or uncle who was the victim of some unstable woman’s fury.