Men like Lil Wayne and Nas have become internationally renown for their parenting abilities or lack there of. In the African American community there is no shortage of children being raised by single mothers. This leaves a stigma associated with statistics that say black men fail to accept their responsibility as the significant male figure in their children’s lives.
Pop culture has latched on to this leading to the development of such terms as “Baby Daddy”. This generally describes the man whose only contribution in the life of the child was as the sperm donor that led to its conception. Is this an accurate description of all black men? Are there good fathers as opposed to baby daddies to be found in the black community?
It has been said that many men claim to not know how to be good fathers to their children because of the cycle of not having a father themselves. Is this really true? Or does this reflect the selfish attitude of Momma’s Baby/ Daddy’s maybe? They simply don’t want to accept the real responsibility that being a father involves. Taking them on outings, engaging in conversations with them about life, and teaching them the skills that will help them develop into good people. Many men though opt out of having a real relationship with their children once the relationship with the mother ends. But is this fair?
Of course it isn’t. But at the same time is it fair that because of a few men who fail to live up to their responsibility to classify a whole group as defunct. Of course that isn’t either. Many men who do live up to their parental responsibility have seen fit to make sure that the perception of the African American father is reversed. Detroit native Calvin Mann is one example.
Mr. Mann-a father of three-rose up in a single parent household along with six other siblings and knows the challenges of not having a father in the home. As a basketball coach for fifteen years he ran across both types of fathers. His belief though was that good fathers produced good fathers. So he saw the need to acknowledge men who are exerting a positive influence in the lives of their children. This led to him founding a non-profit organization called Good Fathers Only (GFO) to show appreciation for such men. He began spreading his message of “Good Fathers Only” by designing a clothing line that could be worn like a badge of honor by men that were worthy of it.
The effectiveness of this method was discovered when he approached five African American men while distributing GFO shirts. One of the men took one look at the shirt and it’s inspiring words and was forced to acknowledge that he wasn’t a good father and walked away. Calvin Mann felt that this was proof that by raising awareness of this issue he could “change the world one t-shirt at a time. Are you worthy of donning a shirt made for only good fathers?
He is not the only one who has grabbed hold of this movement. On the social network Twitter, Wednesday nights at 10:00pm (EST) a discussion takes place called Daddy Talk. Daddy talk is a public conversation between men about the various issues that are faced while trying to parent a child within or outside of the home. The primary emphasis is on men setting positive examples for their children. It is also a platform for exposing men who themselves may not have had an example of what a good father is to be able to network with men who are breaking the cycle. Would you take the time to listen to such a program if you knew it would make you a better father to your kids?
With these efforts maybe soon terms such as “baby daddy” will apply to very few men in the African American community. There will be no need for the distinction between those who are good fathers and those who aren’t.
If after reading this you realize you are just a baby daddy and you want to be a good father to your children there are resources available to help you get there.
Here are some places to start:
www.emiyworld.com
www.twitter.com/goodfathersonly
www.twitter.com/daddytalk
Article by Toya Bryant
Toya Bryant is a Freelance Writer/Blogger who focuses on promoting positive thinking and actions within the community and the family.Her blog "Tales of a Literary Nobody" [www.literarynobody.com] focuses on life and the things that affect us in it. The funny and the serious. It's about how society meets cultures and diversity unites us.
Toya has written 5 article(s) for us.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
This one is a great one and thank you all for looking in on us. God is good!
@calvin mann, Thank you for for raising awareness and providing a positive change Calvin
I think this a topic VERY overlooked. I see this all the time guys who really think that they are really acting as "good fathers" when their just really "baby daddies" but they just may not know how to do it, and they just need someone to point them in the right direction. I work with pregnant women and their families and it's always sad to see when the male compent is missing as well. Great article!
@Mygirlniqui, I agree..this is an overlooked subject. It's basically being swept under the rug instead of addressed. Unlike the days of the Cosby Show we have people like Wayne as role models to future fathers. But, it is a wonderful thing that orgs. like GFO and Daddy Talk exist to offer some guidance to those who want it. Thanks for the comment and the compliment!
Kudos to Calvin Mann.
Thank you for this article!!! There are so many men who spend time with their children that go unnoticed. When I see a black father/child combination in public, I make it a point to loudly compliment them on how cute they are or how sweet it is that he's a good father; just so he can hear appreciation, and so others would take notice. Kudos to GFO.
I loved your article. I feel that men are not holding up their end of the bargain these days. I also feel that women have to be responsible as well. Alot of women are getting pregnant by men they barely even know. How can you expect someone to be a good father, if you knew absolutely nothing about him the night you slept together. I am NOT excusing men's responsibilities, and I honestly feel that they scape goat these responsibilities with so many excuses. However, if he was a loser when you met him, how can he all of a sudden be super dad. As women, we HAVE TO RAISE THE CRITERIA OF MEN WE SLEEP WITH. WE HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE WITH THE PARTNERS WE CHOOSE!! I personally do not have any children and am waiting for the day I walk down the aisle to do so. Many other people take different routes in their lives and that is ok. BUT LETS CHOOSE BETTER PARTNERS AND STOP BRINGING CHILDREN IN TO THIS WORLD FROM RANDOM MEN. Once we respect our selves, we will be able to see changes. xoxo