What’s the word? I hope everybody has had a productive weekend. Now down to business. Fellas, what if one of your boys, I mean your man, 1000 grand, came out of the closet? He just sat you down and told you, “I’m gay”. How would you respond? What would you do? How would this revelation affect your relationship with him? Well, this situation just happened to me. A good friend of mine told me he was homosexual. I wasn’t overly shocked, but for him to just come out and say it was surprising. We were at a bar “bullshittin” and drinking a brew. He just came out and told me “C-Brad, I’m gay.”
It took me by surprise, but it really got me thinking…what was his motive for telling me? Did he like me that way, or did he feel extremely comfortable telling his good friend about his lifestyle? I know him well enough to know that it wasn’t the former but the latter(plus he confirmed it) and I just kind of shook my head and finished my beer. We chatted some more about some other things and we left. Before we left, I assured him that our relationship will not change and he’s still my man, 1000 grand. I appreciated his honesty. That took courage. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t agree with his lifestyle but who am I to judge him? I told him as long as he doesn’t put me in a position where I feel uncomfortable then everything is cool.
After we went our separate ways, he text me stating that he’s glad I didn’t judge him and it meant a lot that I didn’t. I let him know that he’s my “ninja” and that even though I don’t agree with his lifestyle, I’ll still support him and will be there for him. Do I condone kats who are homosexuals. NO! Do I frown upon it? YES! But real talk, learning that my friend is gay, has made me look at how I’ve treated homosexual men. I don’t want anybody calling my friend a faggot, so I’m going to make a conscious effort not to call homosexual men derogatory names. I’ll fight a kat if they called my dude a faggot and I heard them. Just because his lifestyle is different, in my eyes doesn’t change the friend he has been to me. A lot of our friends live some really foul lives and we kick it with them, hoop with them, get on the game with them or whatever, but I can’t pass judgment on a kat who has been a dear friend to me before I evolved into the gentlemen now known as I.M.FLY. That’s my homie for life.
Ask yourself the question… “Can I remain friends with my friend if he told me he was gay?”
Article by Mr. Swagger
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Of course. No problems. But yeah, it does force you to view homosexuals. I mean now, I do cringe when I hear folks use the word fag or faggot because I think of how my friend would feel. Or even, if I was in that position personally, I wouldn’t want someone to denigrate me on any level, so why would I.
As a gay man, I appreciate the maturity that you showed towards your friend. Your story reminded me of my high school friends and how they were quick to accept me on that level. I also appreciate your understanding of the word faggot and how disrespectful it is to homosexuals. Most people think gay and fag are the same thing; that is not the case in any way. Refreshing post. Okay, I’m done with my mini-rant. In short: Thank you.
If my best friend told me he was gay, im not gone lie our relationship would change dramatically. Would I still be there for him if he needed me, yes…but he’s the God-Father to my daughter, he’s knows everything about me and to know that he’s gay or living a secret life that I couldn’t detect would take all the trust I had in thinkin that I knew him and throw it out the window…I don’t want my children being directly influenced by someone who lives that lifestyle, at least not on a personal level. School teacher fine, bus driver fine, but not ur God-Father which I expect to be a 2nd fatther to you, no, no way I can have a gay man raising my daughter. His views on sex alone makes me uncomforable. I wouldn’t want a prostitute giving my daughter sex advice, just like I wouldn’t want a gay man giving sex advice…I don’t want gays rights denied, but I also don’t want their personal influence affecting me or my family…
@d.oxner, did you actually just compare homosexuals to hookers? get a clue.
@d.oxner,
I’m so lost at your comments. You sound uber-homophobic.
If he is really a friend that tops most things. As long as he wasn’t “flaming”…on the same note I couldn’t be friends with a super macho jerkoff. People who represent as extreme versions of what they naturally are don’t mesh well with me.
In the end, it’s about your relationship with your friend. The more we can put our fears, dislikes, and discomforts to a personal face – the more we see through a clearer Life Lens.
This convo works both ways. One of my best homegirls came out to me in highschool. Being who I am I accepted her for who she was. It doesn’t change the relationship unless you had intentions on having a romantic relationship. I did notice a lot of her really “close” friends distanced themselves completely. I often wondered if they realized what they were really losing. I gained a closer friend out of the situation. If I had not been there for her then I don’t know what would have taken place. Recently this year two little boys killed themselves behind being homosexual and not being able to cope with the abuse they faced. With the pressures we already have living daily, being ridiculed and looked down upon, what would you do if your family contributed to your pain?What would you do if your friends turned their backs? As a friend I could never turn my back on a friend. A relationship is a relationship and truth be told, they may have been gay throughout your entire friendship. We all have journeys we go down in life. Our friends make those journeys that much more barable and enjoyable. I kinda feel honored when a friend confides their most intimate secrets in me. It makes me feel like I’m doing my job as a true friend.
I have close friendships with gays and lesbians. I love Gay men. Well, I love the concept of the stereotypical ‘Gay man” who is your best friend, style guru, relationship fixer and partner in crime. Getting to know them though you realize these are just people like you and me. they make the same mistakes and have the same triumphs, they want for the same opportunities that have been denied to races and women and to them for too long. They are NORMAL people just like you and me, they can no more affect a child’s propencity to turn gay as our own parents, grandparents, godparents etc affect our “choice to be straight.” People really need to stay out of other people’s bedrooms. if they aren’t hurting you then do you and keep it moving. If this man was a friend to you then before he came out (which had to be one of the hardest things HE ever had to do) you should continue to be a friend to him. And if he isn’t made to feel uncomfortable by your “straight” talk you shouldn’t make him feel that you are uncomfotable about hearing his.
I’ve had so many friends come out or just be open from the get go that it never bothered me. That is probably more due to my Mother’s best friend being a lesbian and hearing the differing views on it from my Mother and Father. My Mother’s best friend and her girlfriend lived with us for a bit when I was six or seven, when they were facing some financial difficulty, and introduced me to my favorite kind of oatmeal so I never had a problem.
Live and let live but the secondary marginalization that the LGBT community experience WITHIN the black community is very saddening. I do wish the African American community would realize how asinine it is for us to be oppressing another group within our own community.