Ask A Guy – So What Do I Do Now?

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We’re back with another edition of Ask-A-Guy. Remember if you have anything you’d like a male perspective on, you can email us at askaguy@truthmerchants.com. Let’s get into it:

I’m new in town, just graduated. I picked up a part time job, there’s a guy. We worked together, flirted, had drinks, seemed like something that would be fun to pursue. Next week, I had to call him re: work, and in the course of that conversation, said something about we should do something. (We’d discussed it at length the last time we worked together) or get drinks. His text response “Would that be a date?”- mine, “I believe I said a drink or a game, and as you said, you prefer older women, I don’t fulfill that requirement : )”

We hung out a couple times, all seemed to go well. The next week, I ran into him, we ended up going to dinner at some little hole in the wall that doesn’t look like much but has awesome food. We leave and he says “Hang on, gotta call my mom and tease her. She’s the only girl I ever bring here.” He does so, it’s cute; doesn’t mention me by name, just that, and no, he’s not with one of the guys. So I mentioned a game on Friday.  He says, “Is that a date?” This time I say, “You know what? Yes, it is.” He says he’ll have to check with his social secretary. With this guy, I’m pretty sure that was supposed to be a yes. Couple days later, I mention the date(?) when I’ve run into him again. We say something about meeting up. Then, well, we had drinks, a LOT of them. We spend the evening together and it’s nice. Next morning I mention that I’ll be spending the weekend with family about an hour away. Breakfast was fun, then I drove home for the day. Went to meet him… and he’s not there. Mutual friend tells me he went to spend time with family. Thought I was stood up, so I called. Got no answer so I sent a text. He forgot and said he thought I went home. I responded a few minutes later with “Well the misunderstanding sucks. It would have been fun, but no big deal.  Sorry I called and interrupted you.”

So…now what do I do?

–New Gal In Town

Hey New Gal — thanks for your letter. Ok, here’s the deal: The misunderstanding that led to you guys missing that last date was…well…for lack of a better word…”understandable.” The plans were pretty loose. You asked him if he wanted to catch a game — he made a joke about his “social secretary” — you said you were going home — maybe he thought you weren’t coming back — yada yada yada. Nothing too alarming there.

Here is where I am a little concerned: You are consistently the aggressor.  You are always the one mentioning and suggesting…

Let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong with a woman filling that role. Hell, I like an aggressive woman from time to time…but you need to pause that for just a second. It seems like most of the time you guys go out after work, or even make plans to — you’re the initiator. You want to know what you should do next?

Nothing.

Be cute, cordial, bust his balls, whatever. Do whatever you normally do, just do not ask him out again. Don’t text him or call him about the date. When you see him at work, say something like, “That sucks that we didn’t get to hang out. Oh well. Let me know if you want to do something else sometime…”

Guys…even the shy/passive ones will always seek out a way to get what they want. And that’s what you need to find out: if he wants you as much as you want him. You told him that you were disappointed when your plans fell victim to that misunderstanding. Did he say it back? Did he suggest another time/place to hang out to make up for it? If I like someone, I want to spend time with them. If an opportunity to spend time gets missed — well then I’d like another one ASAP — please and thank you.

Essentially, what I’m saying is: You’ve done your part. You’ve shown interest — suggested times and places to hang out — shown that you were disappointed when plans fell through. You’ve done your part. Like I said, there is nothing wrong with being aggressive. There is nothing wrong with being the initiator. But don’t let it cloud what may be happening. Because no matter what kind of woman you are there is one thing you’ll always deserve: Reciprocity.  When the ball was in your court, you made your move.  Now that it’s in his…let’s see what he does.

Peace, Love & A Girl Who Likes To Catch A Game!

J (Preston)

Tagged as: Chilling, Date, Dating, Feelings, Hanging Out, Love & War

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Whassup people – my name is J.R. I’m a Jersey boy (born and raised), writer, people watcher and sports fan. I’m a black man with a degree, a job, no kids and no “priors”. It depresses me that those facts make me “rare”. I’m a guy’s guy. I’ve been in few committed relationships and a lot of…well…whatever you would call everything short of a committed relationship. I also have indisputable theories on life and love that you need to hear. Theories can be indisputable, right??

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