Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t see how sex without a condom can even be an option. Unfortunately, I grew up (and continue to grow) in an era where HIV/AIDS and other STD/STI are gruesome realities. As far as I’m concerned, wearing a rubber is just part of the process. No glove, no love is the philosophy I stand and live by because no piece of ass is worth my life. That’s why it always bugs me out when I hear people say they don’t use condoms in 2009. Aside from the lost souls that just don’t care, it’s actually people in committed relationships I hear sidestepping protection the most.
Now, I won’t even lie and say I never-ever-ever dipped my Chick-O-Stick in the honey jar for a few seconds/strokes just to “see what it feels like,” but that was in my young and dumb days and in the confines of a committed relationship. My thinking was usually either, “Oh, she’s on the pill” or “One or two quick strokes won’t hurt.” Even then, though, the thought of one of my little soldiers getting past enemy lines scared me sh*tless and I quickly ceased and desisted any further progress without my protective helmet firmly in place. After one particularly scary “incident,” I left that game of Russian roulette completely alone. Only a fool repeats the same mistake twice, so it’s a condom for me 100-percent of the time committed relationship or not.
Truth be told, I plan on wearing a condom even after I’m married. It’s not that I think my future wife might cheat or vice versa, but I don’t want to have sex raw until I’m ready to have kids. It might sound weird to some, but I’d like to build a solid foundation for my marriage first before becoming a parent. I just believe a lot of people get divorced because they didn’t take the time to adjust to their new roles as husband and wife and truly understanding how different that is from dating. Adding on titles of mommy and daddy too soon can just make that transition even harder. That’s not to say if my wife got pregnant earlier than we planned I’d be upset or think my marriage was doomed for failure, it’s just that I’d like to have a year or two enjoying the honeymoon stage first. That’s my plan, but who knows what God has in store for me and my Mrs. Naked With Stockings On. My perfect match might already be a mother or I could get caught out there with a premarital seed of my own (condoms are not 100-percent) but only time will tell.
In a perfect world, sex wouldn’t require a thin layer of rubber between partners. It would be a natural act between a man and woman in love with the sole purpose of procreating. Of course, a child wouldn’t come from each encounter (unlike THIS guy with 21 kids at 29-years old), but if a life were spawned from your physical union it would be a welcomed blessing. There also wouldn’t be concern for any venereal diseases because all couples would be monogamous. Well, this isn’t a “perfect” world and the above rarely happens. Humans are one of the few species that fornicate for recreation, which means baby-making is the last thing on the average person’s mind when they’re bumpin’ and grindin’.
Let’s be completely real here; how many people reading this right now would actually want to have a child by every single person they’ve ever slept with? Not many I imagine. He/she might be great in bed or extremely sexy, but lacking some key qualities you’d expect from a lifelong partner and co-parent. Chances are there’s a very short list of viable candidates for Father/Mother of the Year in anyone’s black book. So the question is why have unprotected sex with someone you would never want to have a child with? So what she’s on the pill. You can still catch an STD/STI. Yeah, right, the condom doesn’t fit. Stop lying to yourself, buddy. I’m sure it probably does feel better raw, but I’m not curious enough to test that theory without some paperwork, blood work and a ring on both our fingers. Lastly, I could care less if we’re in a committed relationship, married or otherwise, I prefer my sperm and your eggs not co-habitate until I’m ready to be a father and you’re willing to be my wife. That’s my prerogative and it should be yours too. Protection isn’t perfect but it’s a smart start.
Have you ever had unprotected sex? If so, did you regret that decision? Have you ever had any pregnancy or venereal disease scares? What role did your contraceptive usage or lack thereof play in that situation? Do you think people that use birth control pills sometimes see that as a free pass to have unprotected sex? For those that have unprotected sex, is the guy pulling out or ejaculating inside the woman? How many of the people you’ve slept with could you actually see yourself raising a child with? For the unexpected parents, had you known your partner would have gotten pregnant would you have used a condom? Are you more likely to go without a condom if you’re in a committed relationship? Why or why not? Would you use a condom if you were married and didn’t want kids?
Speak your piece…
Article by Naked with Socks On
Naked with Socks ON is what I like to call a “life blog,” where people come to discuss everything from sex and relationships to music and movies to politics and technology. It’s an open forum for discussions about a wide array of topics that people from all walks of life can appreciate and relate to. As for the name, I decided on NakedWithSocksOn (or NWSO) because it’s symbolic of how I write. I reveal everything while still leaving something to the imagination. Ask me a question and I will give you an answer. It will be honest. It will come from the heart. It may embarrass me. At times, it will be painful for me to share. But I will sacrifice bits of myself to impart knowledge on my fellow man and for the sake of telling a damn good story. So that’s why I am NakedWithSocksOn. Check out more at http://www.nakedwithsockson.com/
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
why not stay in the house and become a hermit cause you may walk outside and get hit by a car? Why not grow and cook your own food cause you may eat out and get food poisoning? Why not walk around all the time with a bullet proof vest on cause you may catch a stray bullet? Why not live in a bomb shelter because another terrorist attack may happen? Why not ever travel outside the country because your plane may crash? My point is..there are ways you can be more careful in life…but to go to such an extreme as using a condom with your lifelong mate is just paranoia. Truth is even condoms aren’t %100 percent affective against preventing STDS…but they do assist. So yes you should use them with someone you haven’t been std tested with…but beyond the test, I dont see why 2 people who agree to be monogamous need to use condoms (birth control an option if you dont want kids). The only way to 100 percent prevent getting someone pregnant or catching a disease is to not have sex..thats your ONLY 100 percent safe option..I think you should consider that..
@true2me, you do know that one in every three americans has/will have an std by the age of 24,right?seems like the chances are much higher than getting hit by a car,food poisoning, getting shot,or killed by terrorist. and there are several std’s that stay dormant and undetectable for years and years so what you think is a monogamous relationship can still bring the std’s.research a little before you start making assumptions that contribute to our youth’s “invinsibility” misconception.
@true2me, Do you realize that 1 in every 3 Americans has/will have a std by the age of 24?I’m pretty sure that’s more likely to happen to you than getting shot or attacked by a terrorist. You should probably do a little research for yourself and other people you pass you uninformed assumptions onto. It is the lack of knowledge and embracing of theories like yours that allows std’s to run rampant in this country. Also it doesn’t matter if it’s a long or (what you think is) monogamous relationship,many std’s take years to manifest and show up in testing.
I had my first sexual experience at the age of 25. I originally intended to wait until after marriage, but fell short. It was a regrettable decision that left me in the hospital with mononucleosis along with severe implications of it. I guess I didn’t have “unprotected sex” in the most technical sense, but there were definitely a few dip-a-chick moments that left me freaked out. If I picked up mono- – what else could have happened?! I’m thankful that’s all I ended up with, but it was & still continues to be a frightening prospect. Since HIV can lie dormant for up to 10yrs a/f a sexual experience, I’ve committed myself to regular checks– despite that solitary experience. It might be a bit of an overkill but let’s just say my health is most important to me.
My partner had unprotected sex during previous relationships, and was cheated on. (His partners were on the pill.) My mind often reverberates with pictures of the pyramid they show you in high school about how one exponentially sleeps with every person their partner has slept with. This is particularly unsettling, since one of his exes cheated on him rather frequently.
I definitely that people use birth control as a free pass. If the pill doesn’t work, there is always Plan B, so I think it’s easy to let down one’s guard.
If I was married, I could see myself having unprotected sex without a goal of pregnancy– but that would require an certain aount of mutual trust between spouses. (a) a firm commitment to monogamy; & (b) vigilant commitment to birth control.
But yeah, I think that after making a commitment to celibacy, I would want the real deal in a marital relationship. With good planning, I be more than happy to start singing in the rain, all coats excluded.
)
As awesome as it is, it’s the most no no thing EVER. Even if the two of you are clean, monogamous, and all of the above this should not be done. It’s kind of like shacking up. We’re too busy doing “married couple things” without being married.
@JG*,
Agreed.
Been there and done that… I’ve been in 2 relationships (one as an young idiot, one not as a young idiot) where I believed that I not only wanted to but would be with this person forever… The one that counts the most (where I wasn’t an idiot) was a relationship in which we’d talked about marriage, children, etc. While not ready for it.. full commitment was in our plans.. we were both tested and we went back and forth… however… every couple does not (and should not) have full trust in their partners because people lie and are crazy.. I was blessed to have been with a person that I could trust fully.. anywho.. I feel the bigger question is, why even sleep with a person if you aren’t willing to take on the full (baby) consequences of being with them!? Babies happen! Before I worry about whether or not we should use protection, Im going to be thinking whether or not we should even be sleeping with each other! I hope the next person I deem worthy of all this
is worthy enough to go “raw”.. because he’ll be my husband.. not a notch on the belt!
I’ve taken more than enough risks and felt hella guilty about them. Bottom line is, condom or no condom, every time you have sex you’re at risk. That doesn’t mean that sleeping with random women unprotected is a good idea, but I’m not sure I’d take it as far as you are with the phobia and sleeping with the wife with a condom thing. To me that’s a bit much, but I can’t say I don’t share your sentiments in regards to marriage and having kids too early either.
I don’t think a relationship is commited unless I can ditch the Magnums. I hate hate hate condoms. Every kind I try is uncomfortable and makes me feel like I’m at the gynecologist rather than getting close to someone I love. And that’s a key thing to note, I only will sleep with a man after I think I love him and we’ve both been tested. I had my tubes tied after my first baby, so I’m not worried about birth control. Still, I can see why you might use condoms with your committed partner. Above all, you have to feel comfortable during sex. If condoms make you comfortable, go for it
condoms smell too…good lord…
@true2me, I bet pussy warts and infection smell worse,dumbass!
Well look who’s here. Welcome NWSO.
In now times lots of people do not use condoms and because of this they have to suffer from some dangerous diseases like HIV and all that.
@true2me: you are either way young or my age 33 or close and are somewhat naive I have seen some real messed up fender benders and yet the ppl walk away with minor injuries. But STD and STI can last a lifetime with no cure. Yes condoms are not foolproof but to suggest you might as not have one is stupid. Thats like telling a solider “well war is hell and you’ll die anyway so might as leave the gun here”. Its called given yourself the best shot and who wants to be all guilt ridden EVERY time they go to the doc or something itches down there. And have you seen genital warts and sores and shit, its the ONLY thing I ever seen that makes sex repulsive I aint even trying to go there. At 33 I went in raw only twice once at 16 and the other 2 yrs ago. Yea I am trying to minimize the risk ya heard!