Black Women Stay Hating

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Last month, Slim touched on a topic that sorta struck a nerve with me: Black women hating on each other. It starts with the o_O (read: side-eye) you see your mother and grandmother use. When they aren’t looking, you try it too, at first with your siblings and cousins; then you try it at school. Before you know it, you are grown and cutting your eyes left and right at women in the streets. Just the other night, some random broads were eye-ballin’ me and my homegirls from across the room for no good reason. Here are some examples of thoughts that accompany those looks:

“Look at her outfit.” “Where she think she goin, lookin all cute?” “Why she look so damn happy?” “Why her teeth gotta be so straight?” “Why she gotta be holding her man’s hand like that?” “Her haircut ain’t even that cute.” “Her skin can’t really be that smooth.”

I admit, I used to be a perpetrator of said thoughts. Sometimes, I still am. I would see a woman who was pretty, or had on a cute [insert article of clothing here] and I would talk my ish. Mostly in my head, but sometimes with friends. I had to find a reason to roll my eyes and say something negative. Don’t act you’ve never done it. For a while, it didn’t even register that this was an issue because it seemed like everyone did it. But as I got older and more self reflective, I’d catch myself in the moment and ask:

Why am I about to say (or think) something negative about this woman?

She didn’t do anything to me. I can’t speak for all women, but I know some of my thoughts came from a place of insecurity. I wanted and liked something about what I saw or assumed this woman had or didn’t have. Instead of stopping at that, I deflected negative feelings on to her. **rolls neck** “She’s so this,” or “She think she’s so that.” All to make myself feel better about whatever I was feeling. Other women just can’t help but to be negative. For no real reason, they will twist up their mouths just to say something about another woman. For what? I’m not sure.

As I became more secure in myself, the desire to carry on this way dwindled. When you can walk into a room, or on to a bus or train, and feel good about yourself, you don’t feel the need to drag down the next woman. This will free you up to pity the broads who look at you, know you look fly, but throw you the mean mug anyway. To those ladies I say: “Hate on ladies. Hate on.”

Why can’t women compliment other women?

I know I have been tempted to tell a woman that I really liked her glasses or her shoes, but have hesitated and kept it moving because I didn’t know how she was going to react. As Black women, there is something kinda unnatural about complimenting a woman you don’t know. Its uncomfortable for some reason. Its like there is an unspoken tension. I’ve been in social settings where groups of women will look across the room at each other, sorta wanting to mingle, but not really sure how. So each group will end up glancing at the other throughout the night, making up some misinformed story about why no one walked over and simply said “Hey girrl.”

What if women started making observations without any judgment attached? This post isn’t about those broads who actually look legitimately crazy. You can throw them the side eye all day. But where there is no wrong, why look for it?  Maybe you gotta find out where your feelings lie. Sometimes there is something more behind the snide remarks. Then again, maybe you are just a hater or have a stank attitude. But maybe its bitterness, insecurity, a mean spirit or something else. Find out what it is, and own up to that. And then fix it.

Why are Black women so stank to each other? Is this something that you have noticed about others or yourself at times? Fellas, do you notice it too? Where the hell does it come from? Is this only an issue among Black women? Speak on it.

My Side-Eye Vision is 20-20,

Originally Posted Here

Article by Three Ways To Take It

Three Ways to Take It is an award-winning lifestyle blog that covers everything from celebrity tomfoolery, politics, and music to relationships, sex, and everyday life occurrences—all told from the perspective of three talented African American writers. Our purpose is to not only post content that will make you laugh or reflect on your own life but to also keep you intellectually stimulated. Each of the writers has his/her own distinct style that caters to the different demographics of our readership. Catch Seattle Washington, Sowhatiff Jenkins, and Slim Jackson at www.threewaystotakeit.com.

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