If you read my Hump Day post and the one from last week, you can pretty much tell that I enjoy the art of sex lovemaking. (But really who doesn’t?) Now, I’ve never claimed to be the best you ever had (cue Drake’s record) but I definitely try to make it do what it do and I expect my bedroom boo to do the same. That’s why I can’t wrap my head around the concept of someone wanting a virgin. In my 16 years of boning I have yet to pop a cherry that wasn’t my own and I damn sure don’t plan on starting now.
While the idea of a bride in a flowing white dress and saving yourself for marriage sounds nice for a fairytale wedding, in today’s oversexed society it’s just not a realistic dream—for me at least. In fact, that would actually be a nightmare. The reason I say that is because I’ve literally spent half my life perfecting my stroke and poke, so when and if I jump the broom I want it to be with a woman that can satisfy me—now not later. That’s not to say a virgin or a less “experienced” partner can’t learn how to please her man sexually, but I’d much rather roll in the hay with a woman that already knows how to swing a pitchfork. Of course, if I we were both virgins or had equally limited bedroom knowledge then none of this would matter because we’d be on the same plane sexually. But since I’m no virgin (sorry, mom) that’s a moot point.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with waiting for marriage if that’s your thing (or you’re my lil sister 
. I’m also not saying that people should go out and have sex with everyone under the sun, because there are way too many STDs/STIs and deadbeat dads (a few moms too) out there, but at my age (and experience) I don’t have the patience to deal with a virgin. As much as I take my time during foreplay, I’d imagine a first-time lover would have to be eased super-slowly into new positions, oral sex, being called my dirty little bitch in bed and even knowing what she liked sexually. Sure, it might be fun molding someone into your perfect sex partner and partaking in some super tight nookie, but the position I’m hiring for requires some experience. On the job training is cool, but there are limitations.
Honestly, the whole idea of virginity being a sign of purity is one big crock. Sex doesn’t change a person’s personality, so a gold digger that’s never been with a man before is no different than a gold digger that’s slept with the whole neighborhood. The virgin tends to get a pass because our society judges a woman by her sexual history, while men are able to have as many partners as they like with no problem. Here’s the thing, though, if women are supposed to be “untouched” and “pure,” who the hell are the promiscuous men sleeping with when they’re sowing their wild oats? It’s a foolish double standard that doesn’t even make sense when you really think about it.
In fact, the other day my homegirl Hannah aka h* sent me a link (CLICK HERE) to an article on Jezebel.com. It was a Q&A with author Jessica Valenti who recently released The Purity Myth, a book that discusses the falsehoods about female “purity” and “virginity.” It’s an interesting discussion that covers a wide array of points, but I found Valenti’s point about how society places White women into the virgin mold more easily than their Black/Brown counterparts the most interesting. She says, “Feminists like bell hooks have been talking about the way Black women’s bodies are positioned as hypersexual for years. (Mostly because it’s a great way for men to have an excuse for sexual assault—you can’t ‘dirty’ something that was already ‘unclean.’)… The thing is, there is certainly an abstinence movement in communities of color and purity advocates who are people of color—but they’re not really shown in the mainstream abstinence movement… When you do see abstinence being targeted at young women of color, there’s not the same kind of talk of purity—it’s more about targeting a group of women that the movement has already focused on as ‘troubled,’ and already-sexual.”
What are your thoughts on society’s views of virginity? Is there a double standard? Should a person be perceived as “pure” because they haven’t had sex? How much does someone’s sexual history effect who you date? Does the burden of virginity rest solely on women? Do you view male and female virgins differently? If so, how? Do you think women of color are viewed as more sexual in society’s eyes than their Caucasian counterparts? Would you date or marry a virgin? Why or why not?
Speak your piece…
Article by Naked with Socks On
Naked with Socks ON is what I like to call a “life blog,” where people come to discuss everything from sex and relationships to music and movies to politics and technology. It’s an open forum for discussions about a wide array of topics that people from all walks of life can appreciate and relate to. As for the name, I decided on NakedWithSocksOn (or NWSO) because it’s symbolic of how I write. I reveal everything while still leaving something to the imagination. Ask me a question and I will give you an answer. It will be honest. It will come from the heart. It may embarrass me. At times, it will be painful for me to share. But I will sacrifice bits of myself to impart knowledge on my fellow man and for the sake of telling a damn good story. So that’s why I am NakedWithSocksOn. Check out more at http://www.nakedwithsockson.com/
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I can’t agree with the conclusion of this article. I had MANY of the same concerns as the author several months ago when a mutual friend approached me about taking her girl friend’s virginity. However, always willing to help, I ended up doing her the favor. When we first started the sex was terrible to below average at best. What I did notice was that because she was new to everything, she was willing to try anything and genuinely looked to me for advice on how to get better. With no bad habits and a willing attitude, we kept at it for a few months. Today, I can honestly say she is the best sexual partner I’ve had in the dozens I’ve been with. Certainly, this is not to say that this will always be the case. But I do think it lends some credence to the analogy that virgins tend to be more of a blank canvas and the experienced man has endless colors on his palette with which he can create a masterpiece.
It’s like drafting an immediate impact rookie or a no-ceiling unpolished talent. If you have the patience to coach ‘em right, it can pay great dividends at a low cost.
I’m just over the whole concept that only women are supposed to be pure and virgins. Why do we keep giving men a pass? I don’t care about evolutionary biology considering that men are not really out there trying to spread their seed. Men are able to intercede on that basic instinct and put condoms on or pull out or whatever it is. So if you can do that you can have restraint too. I actually do know men that are virgins and they seem to be doing quite well in life.
@JG*, I DEMAND YOU BE PURE!!!! and ask nicely that you don’t hit me no mo.
@JG*,
You’re very right it’s a double standard. Those views go back thousands of years to Greek and Roman culture where only virgins could actually work in some temples to the gods. Honestly they go back even farther to biblical times. A man’s psyche works in a totally different way from a woman. We have trouble with the idea our girl had previously been “invaded” by another man.Especially, if its a dude we have to see frequently. I don’t think women really care about the past as much as we do If a man chooses not to be with a woman because she’s slept with X’ number of partners he wasn’t the right dude for her. Some dude out there will want her regardless of her stats.
I think the purity thing has less to do with the physical act and more with mental state in the sense that women who’ve slept with dudes and been screwed over tend to have more issues then a woman who hasn’t. Simply because they’ve started making strides to protect themselves from being hurt in the future. Physically….most people don’t want to feel like they’re taking their entire graduting class to the their marital bed.
In an ideal world I would love for my wife to be a virgin and I would have loved for myself to be a virgin as well…I don’t agree with the double standard that men can sleep around while women wait, I believe both parties should be able to do as they please sexually…with that being said, I believe that two people who break their virginity together after developing a relatiionship together, that either led to marriage or will lead to marriage is the best way to go…you both get a chance to learn, adjust, and enjoy sex at the same pace…this is the ideal state, my experience believes that this would work best and my understanding of my Christian Faith supports it…NOW REALITY…in high school I could not find more than 10 virgins…in college I think I met 2-3 virgins…post-college I cannot name one virgin my age(25)…I’ve been at it for 1/2 my life so to run across a woman without any experience at all can be a challenge, but to have a lasting relationship that extends past the bedroom then one must be willing to lead, teach, and develope your inexperienced mate in the bedroom…at the end of the day I wouldnt mind having a virgin, the chauvanistic side of myself(which all men have) would prefer my woman to be with me and me only for her entire life…
I’d rather marry the campus slut (of a school which I did not attend) over a virgin any day. I happen to like sexually open women becasue they seem to know what they want. As long as she doesn’t have a problem where she just gotta have it at all time from all angles from multiple dudes at once, then we can get along fine. When we talk about our past she won’t judge me and I damn sure won’t judge her. I don’t believe in any double standards. If I was a whore then I can’t judge you for being a whore (but don’t get mad at me when I call you a whore, baby). If I met a virgin and we stumbled upon the conversation of marriage I would honestly allow my bride to be to a break and explore if she wanted to. While sex is a big part of relationships, there is so much more to them. I’m currently in an open realtionship becasue I am overseas. I’m the type of guy that’s comfortable with knowing that my lady has the option to get serviced if she needs it. It’s better than cheating and dishonesty. I know that I’m rare in this case, but I’m also sure I’m not the only one out there. At the end of the day I am a realist.
i ‘m honest , easy going ,it’s great challenge to meet a virgin i would be much more ecstatic to have that destiny , and i would to say aman is not like ailand to stand by hemself we need to be complemented
Mad late, but you’re in the wrong for saying you would never marry a virgin based on your experience. Dude, listen to yourself. You sound like a typical male (or what women think of us dudes). I’m a 20-year old male virgin, and I’m in no rush to get rid of it, nor would I care if the girl I married was a virgin. I don’t think marriage is right for you. Perhaps a stay at a whorehouse or something like that is what you need.