Respect The Bi

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Ever since I came out as bisexual, I’ve been constantly amazed by the negativity that so many people have towards it, even within the gay community. I’ve received negative reactions from Black folk, from Nigerian folk (oh lordie, so many of my people do not like the rainbow folk), and most of these reactions are centered simply around a lack of respect. Bisexuality is simply not taken seriously by a lot of people, which irks me.

The first group of people that I believe have contributed to this situation are the “bar bisexuals”. You know, those chicks who only make out with other chicks when they’re drunk, at a party, and with a drooling male audience. They’re actually not into girls, but the prospect of inspiring a few hard-ons is enough to brave the cherry chapstick route. While on that note, I’d like to express my irritation at Katy Perry for her annoying song “I Kissed A Girl”. Honey, you are not that scandalous — you and thousands of other inebriated spring break screaming college chicks. Yawn.

If you’re busy tongue-dueling other women because you need male attention, um, yay for you. Personally, I find that a little sad, but do you. But for the record, the general population should desist from assuming that every girl who says she’s bisexual falls into the above category. It’s slightly insulting.

I’ve also heard that being bisexual equated to ‘experimenting’ and thus, cannot be taken seriously. Now to be honest, some girls definitely experiment with other girls, then decide it’s not for them and go back to being straight. If they choose to identify as straight, then so be it. We don’t have the power to decide what someone else’s identity is, really. However, I’d like to bring up a related point. If you knew a guy who experimented with guys then decided he was straight, would you be accepting of it? Let’s be honest, that’s not as accepted, especially in the black community. Too many people are quick to exclaim that once a man has experienced the power of the penis, he’s gay FOREVER. But if it’s a girl, then oh well, she was just experimenting. Ooh, that’s sexy, mami. You gotta friend I can watch you with?

Men can be bisexual too. I’ll give you a moment to pick your jaw up from the floor. You’re welcome.

The argument I hear against bisexuals, especially from gay folk, is that it’s just a stopping point to being gay. Apparently, coming out of the closet as a ‘full’ gay can be done in stages, one of them being the stage of bisexual. So when someone identifies as bi, you’ve got a gay person smiling indulgently and saying “Oh honey, I said that at one point too..”, thus insinuating that bi doesn’t really exist and you’re simply in denial about being full-fledged GAY. The catch with this is that sometimes identifying as bisexual really is a temporary move before accepting the label of gay or lesbian. However, my point is that, other times, it is not. So to be on the safe side, I’d advise giving the person the benefit of the doubt, accept them as bi, then accept them as whatever they want to be later. Like I said earlier, it’s unfair and disrespectful to strip someone of an identity they’ve claimed, just as much as it is to force one upon them.

I’ve had more than one lesbian friend say that she had issues dating a bisexual woman. It’s not an easy identity to understand- even my own fiance confessed that he had no idea bisexual people could marry because it would mean being monogamous with one sex and forsaking the other. I’ve heard allusions that bisexuals are rampant sex-crazed people who just want to sleep with as many people as they can. Some members of the gay community believe that bisexuals are ‘copping out’ by refusing to be either/or, thus allegedly avoiding the full stigma of being gay by keeping a link to the opposite sex. I’ve been told I can’t identify as bisexual until I’ve had sex with a woman (to which I respond, do you ask straight people to lose their virginity in order to prove that they’re straight? I didn’t think so.).

One post isn’t enough to discuss all the incorrect and misleading beliefs circulating about bisexual people. But let me be clear, we exist. We are here. We deserve the same respect as heterosexuals, as gays and lesbians, we deserve to be seen instead of dismissed. If you don’t understand bisexuality, ask about it in a respectful fashion. Seek to educate yourself. I, for one, am more than happy to answer polite questions and facilitate understanding.

Don’t try to shut down my identity just so you can be more comfortable, don’t disrespect me out of your ignorance, don’t be hatin’. Oh, and don’t try to tell me that God don’t love me either, because He does.

Do you have other preconceived notions about bisexuals? What aspects of bisexuality do you find most difficult to understand? What’s your opinion on bisexual men? Would you date a bisexual?

Tagged as: Bisexuality, GLBT, Love & War

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I'm a Nigerian and Malaysian writer, a supporter of free love and orange Tic-Tacs. I try to change the world one self-esteem point at a time.I'm also part of the duo that runs the natural hair fiesta known as Leave In The Kinks (www.leaveinthekinks.blogspot.com), and I let my crazy hang out over at Purple Lace Gloves (www.purplelacegloves.blogspot.com).twitter.com/PurpleLaceZ

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