Who’s Afraid of Michael Steele?

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Oh, Uncle Mike! It’s been so long since I was amused by your antics. I’ve been busy, you see! With the move and the job and the life and all, so I hadn’t been playing a lick of attention to you. I’m sure you’ve done something else entertaining since we last talked, but this latest performance? The one where you said the white folks were afraid of you.

Can we talk?

Have you ever seen the film “Mandingo?” It was made in the 1970s and told the story of a black slave who was used to box and “breed” other slaves. And that Mandingo, he was big and strong, and to some, kinda scary, because both his sexual prowess and his masculinity was seen as a threat to genteel white sensibilities in the Antebellum South? And you know how, towards the end, he gets it on with the loony white mistress because she can’t deal with how her husband gets it on with the black “wenches” all the time, and she wants revenge, but ends up pregnant and the end? You know the end, Uncle Mike, when they toss Mandingo into a boiling pot of oil and cook the Negro alive? That ending? Right. It was messed up, wasn’t it? Because the whole point of the film was that everyone was worried with what Mandingo was doing when he was probably the most harmless person in the movie.

Mother effer, you ain’t Mandingo. Ain’t nobody worried about you. You could be caught, buck naked, on top of … I don’t know … whitest white woman in the history of white women (Tilda Swinton?) and folks would just go, “That Michael Steele! He’s such a cut up. He must have slipped and fell on Tilda Swinton coming out of the shower! Hilarious!” And then they would put it on the YouTube and everyone would laugh and laugh! The fun we would have!

Good times.

When other white Republicans avoid you, Uncle Mike, believe me, it is not out of “fear,” unless by “fear” you mean, “Dear Lord! What is that man going to say this time! We already tried to strip him of as much power as we could! Why has God abandoned us in our time of need? Why Jesus, why!”

I’m just saying. You ain’t scary.

Matter of fact, me and my cyber play cousin, AverageBro, have a feeling that by the time this is over you’ll apologize and admit that you’re not scary. Because … you’re kind of a punk ass.

From AverageBro:

You and I can already see the talk radio calls for Steele’s head, the Steele retraction, the subsequent blaming of the liberal media for twisting Steele’s words coming. In fact, the apology will probably hit the wires before you read this.

Reality is, there’s nothing even remotely scary about Mike Steele, except maybe those hideous The Steve Harvey HNIC Collection zoot suits.

He looks like a Muppet and who is afraid of Muppets? Muppets aren’t scary! They’re funny, Uncle Mike! And you, sir? You are effing HILARIOUS! Shine on, you crazy diamond!

Tagged as: Michael Steele

Article by Danielle Belton

WHO IS “THE SNOB?" She is your very best, better than most since 1977 friend, self-described “nerd girl/hobohemian,” writer and journalist, Danielle C. Belton.Born and raised St. Louis, Mo. on a healthy diet of news programming, pop culture, black history and “snark,” Belton is best known as the woman behind THE BLACK SNOB. A pop culture-meets-politics blog, THE BLACK SNOB takes a look at irreverent side of life, finding the funny, freaky center of every issue. http://blacksnob.com.

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