12 Biggest Pop Culture Fails of 2009

Spread it!

Share

Email This

What a long year and now it’s time to wrap it up. This year we’ve seen death, tragedy, drama and controversy … just another year in pop culture I guess. I decided to compile the 12 biggest fails of 2009.  Remember, no list is perfect and these are the twelve moments (or things) that I think were the biggest fails of ‘09.

#12 Charles Hamilton Self-Destructs: While Charles is in the process of rebuilding now, that young dude definitely went over the deep end in 2009, even getting Jay Smooth involved with “Operation Ignore Charles Hamilton.” That dude was punched in a face by some chick after disrespecting her in a freestyle, continuously put his foot in his mouth online and then there was the J. Dilla fiasco. Let’s recap … he released artwork for his album, names Dilla as one of the Executive Producers and then decided to take on some of those close to Dilla and Detroit itself. There were a lot of folks worried about him during this major public misstep. I still wonder is it even safe for that dude to be close to the D? Then he faded away, went to Africa (or something), got dropped from his label and is now in the process of reinventing and rebuilding himself. Good luck Chuck but your antics in 2009 gets you a place on my biggest fails of 2009, as an example of when keeping it real goes tragically wrong.

#11 Perez Hilton Knock Out: If you’re a blogger that talks shyt about people, draws random stuff on their face and post it on your website, yeah you might get hit. That’s a reality. I know you all remember the punch heard round twitter (especially by those that follow the gossip blogger). Let’s recap … the Black Eyed Peas tour manager allegedly punched Perez Hilton in the face after an argument with will.i.am. and Fergie outside of a nightclub in Toronto. After the punch, Hilton then took to twitter immediately, asking for help and giving a play by play of his injuries. His foolish ass followers then began to make 911 calls on his behalf, because that was really going to help. Then, how does Perez respond to the whole incident? He jumped on-line and droped his government name (Mario Armando Lavandeira, Jr) and called will.i.am a fag in a mini-series video that seemed to go on for hours recapping the event, from the other side of a computer, again. When he called will.i.am a thug in his video, I couldn’t stop laughing. will.i.am from the Blacked Eyed Peas, a thug? Riiiiiight. Perez Hilton is a fine example of a shyt talking fail of 2009.

#10 Kiss Me Through the Lol Smiley Face: Both tracks annoyed the hell out of me this year. Catchy my a**, I hate that argument. The flu is catchy and I don’t see people lining up for that. The lyrics were basic and the beats were simple. If neither one of these tracks were made this year that would’ve been ok with me but I know some 14 year olds (and some random adults too) would’ve been crushed if they didn’t have “LOL Smiley Face” and “Kiss Me Through the Phone” on their iPod right now. The tracks are trash. Both are big musical fails of 2009 for me.

#9 Balloon Boy: I knew something bizarre was up from jump. The 911 call was ridiculous. Who says, “flyer saucer” and “my son is in it” all within the same few sentences? If I was the 911 operator, it would have been tough for me to hold it together because I would have been laughing so hard. People were glued to their television sets as this homemade “flying saucer” (I still laugh saying it) flew threw the air, crashed to the ground and no one was found. Then the theories that perhaps the young boy fell out started going around. Then they find out this little dude was in the attic. The attic? Then the family goes on television and Falcon (the irony of his name) says “we did it for the show” and it all fell apart like Humpty Dumpty falling off that wall. Moral of the story, never involve little kids in a huge conspiracy because they’ll always sell you out. And what made this whole incident worse was the continued national news coverage of that tomfoolery. CNN kept the story alive for weeks. This story ran about the length of the Titanic movie over its 15 minutes of fame. And it’s still not done. Just recently the dad was sentenced and will serve 90 days and perform community service after the holidays (this is after they took a plea deal to ensure that the mom didn’t get deported). I bet they have a reality show (like they wanted) by the summer cycle next year. This was one huge media and parenting fail of 2009.

#8 The Marriage of Lamar and Khloe Kardashian: Yeah, there is no surprise to anyone that this made my biggest fails of 2009 list. They knew each other for 45 minutes before they fell in love. They were with each other for 60 minutes before they were planning their marriage. Who does that? I’m not all that cynical and I do believe that there is love at first sight. But marriage at first sight, where do they do that? Fools marry for love, Kardashian’s marry for money (allegedly). I tried to warn Lamar several times but yet he didn’t listen. The details of the prenup were never clear but the rumors were fierce surrounding it. I really hope those rumors weren’t true or else Khloe will make out like a bandit. This was truly a meet-me-at-the-altar-in-your-white-dress-fail-of-2009.

#7 BET Programming: Smdh at BET! When did BET turn its back on intelligent black folks? (insert Boondocks joke) I grew up watching Video Soul, Teen Summit, Tavis Smiley, etc. But now I’m convinced that BET is all about making black folks look foolish on a national stage. Go ahead and insert shows like Tiny and Toya, Neffie and Frankie, Hell Date, College Hill and 106 & Playground to prove my point. Viacom played black folks with the bootleg MTV Programming on BET and I blame Bob Johnson for abandoning his dream (allegedly) and letting BET jump the shark. There are some bright moments (not many) in their programming line up but overall the network fails to portray an accurate image of black folks daily. BET is the television fail of 2009.

#6 Skinny Jeans (for men): “Can’t wear skinny jeans ’cause my knots don’t fit” – Jay-Z. The irony of this line in “Swagger Like Us” was Lil Wayne was on the joint and he went hard (no pause) on wearing skinny jeans this year! For me, rocking your girl’s jeans (or her size) has never been a good look but it seems like 2009 brought a rise in skinny jeans. The homie, Kid Cudi makes good music but his spray-on jeans this year … nah homie. I have no clue why there was a rise in their popularity but damn I wish they never ever showed up. It’s nothing like seeing grown men wearing these damn things. They’re foolish and a horrible fashion trend. They are simply a fashion fail for 2009 and BEYOND! Let’s go ahead and keep skinny jeans for men in 2009. Please and thanks!

#5 T-Pain’s Big Ass Fool Chain: Pardon the Kanye interruption … AIG, I’m real happy for you and imma let you finish but T-Pain made one of the worst investments of ALL TIMES! ALL TIMES! Remember his BIG ASS CHAIN (which was technically a charm or medallion)? For all that money he spent, I only saw that dumb piece of crap a few times. I went off on it and folks called me a hater. I’d be a hater if I was jealous or wanted it. I did not want that chain nor was I jealous of it. Thanks. I was simply being a realest and sure that’s his money but since young folks (and some dumb adults) look up to him, it set a horrible example on how to spend money. Damn you delusions of grandeur! This was the bad spending fail of 2009.

#4 Lil Mama, The Stage Crasher: Of course this moment is on the list! Yeah, it was just a show. I understand. She apologized and I get that. I know Jay-Z is not a God (allegedly) and this was just the VMAs. I get it all but I still get upset that Lil Mama’s untalented a** had the audacity to jump on stage during someone else’s set simply because “she was feeling it.” And Beyonce tried to stop her from going on stage? I mean, they were in New York performing with a lot of people from New York in the audience, who I’m sure were feeling it but they didn’t jump on stage. Honestly, her VMA moment was worse than the Taylor Swift/Kanye West moment (which DID NOT make my list for the biggest fails of 2009) because she’s not even a star. Kanye, for all of his arrogance and nonsense, is a talented notable artist. Lil Mama is not. And that has made all the difference (© Robert Frost). “My Lip Gloss Is Poppin” was a one hit wonder at best and her forehead and ponytail get more attention on America’s Best Dance Crew than she does. Lil Mama, you fail. Welcome to the list, you-untalented-stage-crashing-bow-wow-dressed-in-drag!

Now for the top 3 Biggest Pop Culture Fails of 2009.

#3 Hi, this is Tiger: Tiger’s placement on this list was unavoidable. I didn’t throw him on this list because of his “transgressions” however but because of how it all came out. For a guy who plays a sport where people must keep quiet, you’d think he’d manage his personal affairs the same way. He did not. Let’s recap … he hits a fire hydrant and a tree in the early morning hours the day after Thanksgiving without shoes on and later tries to hail his wife as a hero to explain the two broken back windows and the 9 iron by her side. The story NEVER added up. Then chicks started popping up like roaches when the lights are off. It’s like that scene at the end of Malcolm X but instead of saying “I am Malcolm X” they all jumped up and said “I am Tiger’s mistress … I am Tiger’s mistress.” Tiger you definitely fail for giving out the primary number too and leaving that distressed message … “can you pleeeeeeeesseeeee change your voicemail.” Tiger, c’mon son you were messing around with chicks that worked the grill at Arby’s and waited tables at Denny’s. How’s that look? Yeah, definitely not a good look for you, champ. Honestly, I don’t believe every chick that came forward and the Dateline NBC special didn’t help to build credibility for the alleged side chicks either. The show featured a guy wearing an eye patch talking about being an eye witness (yeah, literally) and then there was a chick in a horrible disguise (wig and sunglasses) talking about how she saw Tiger hooking up with women in Vegas. Hey, I don’t know the whole story and honestly I don’t really care. Dudes cheat daily but it’s not often you see a dude this messy exposed on a national stage. Even though Tiger was named AP athlete of the decade, he’s a horrible “playa”. I pray for Tiger Woods to come out of this and hopefully learn from his mistakes (snickers). Hush money is the key to the game.

#2 Chris Brown’s Question Dodging: Chris Brown’s biggest hit in 2009 had nothing to do with music but an unfortunate event in February that dragged on throughout the year. After a few months of silence and a poorly delivered YouTube apology video in a coral blouse, Chris decided to start doing interviews. And fifty-leven interviews and a powder blue bowtie and sweater later, we still don’t know his side of the story. It’s not like we didn’t give him enough chances. But at the end of the day, do I really care? At the end of the day, do you really care? Nope. At the end of the day he should have stopped doing interviews if he wasn’t going to say anything new or own up to his mistake. At the end of the day he NEVER owned up to his mistakes. At the end of the day all he kept saying was “wooooow … that’s just not me.” At the end of the day it took Rihanna 1.2 seconds and one interview to throw dude under the bus, call him a monster and spill the beans and say eff love in a 30 minute interview. And at the end of the day he did another interview after that, and he still had nothing new to say. At the end of the day Chris, you should have simply stfu and kept it moving. Oh, and at the end of the day Chris pick up a dictionary or something, because you are the didn’t have enough to say fail of 2009.

And the #1 biggest pop culture fail of 2009 … The Gucci Mane Takeover: I love quality music. This IS NOT IT! I don’t care who co-signs this dude. Jesus himself could say Gucci is the truth and I’d change my religious beliefs on the spot! I don’t care what lists he makes proclaiming him the hottest, dopest or whatever. I don’t care how much money he has or how much radio play he receives. Hot or not (to you) I don’t dig Gucci or anything he does. Gucci, fuck making music and tell us why your gotdamn lips are so black. I’d like an answer to that. Is it tar or leather? Tell us that. This dude jumped on every song in 2009 it seemed and those songs received no attention from me. I can’t understand why folks ruined perfectly okay music by adding his incoherent verses to them. All year long, folks would find out that I wasn’t feeling Gucci and say, “but have you heard (insert song here)?” And my response was always, “yeah but I STILL DON’T like that dude.” I just can’t get with his music and I’m not sorry about that at all. I wish folks would just be honest … it’s not Gucci you like, it’s his production. This has to be the only reason you deal with his music because he’s not saying anything. Be honest, you are carried away by the beat and perhaps you don’t even realize it. Just be honest and think about it. Either way, he’s still at the top of my list for biggest fail of 2009.

Here are the four things that were VERY close to making the list and the one thing that doesn’t quite fall into a pop culture moment but needed to be mentioned.

The False Coming Home of Shyne: Yeah, remember when Shyne got out of jail? Remember how everyone was happy he was coming home? Everyone except for maybe Diddy and J. Lo. Heads were touting from mountaintops that real hip-hop was back (wonder how many of those screaming could name more than two Shyne tracks). Yeah, he was going home alright … straight to Belize. No passing go, no collecting $200 dollars, no punching Diddy in the face. That was a fail within itself but then I caught the pics of Shyne leaving the country. Uh, what was really good with his 1984 members only leather coat with the fur collar? How long was he locked up? The irony of the picture was he was wearing a Harvard Law School sweatshirt but his lawyers couldn’t stop him from getting deported. Yeah, fail.

Single Ladies Home Video Invasion: I don’t know if Kanye was right in saying that Beyonce had the greatest video of all time but it was definitely the most imitated video of the year. Everyone and their mother (literally) did a video … from their kitchens, in the snow, in their living rooms, their garages … anywhere you could set up a damn video camera, someone made a video. It felt like the homemade videos for the song would never end. Fail. I was hoping that we would be able to leave this in 2009 but thanks to the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie, the track will be around a bit longer. Double fail.

Twitter and Celebrities: Some celebs had them, some protested them and others after a while deleted them. Really what celebs on twitter did was show some of their fans 1) how big of a douchebag they really are or 2) how dry their lives are. Some celebs argued with fans and non-fans alike, started stupid trending topics and quite simply were rude. Some celeb’s twitter accounts were their publicist’s worst nightmare. Honestly, I don’t follow many celebs on twitter because I prefer to follow real people. Maybe in 2010 some celebs will take their heads out their asses, gain a sense of humor and not jump off the deep end on twitter and things will be alright. But in 2009, this was definitely a fail.

Anything Tila Tequila: Alleged choking, alleged pregnancies, tampon dangling, striptease fall, suicide fiasco, rap album, racist rants, victim, victim, victim and continued attention whoring. This was Tila in 2009. You know what? Eff Tila Tequila! That’s all.

Flying Over and Circling Back: Yeah, this one was not necessarily a pop culture fail (that’s why it’s not on the primary list) but it needed to be mentioned. I’m sure you all remember the pilots that missed their Minneapolis destination by 150 miles and were out of radio contact for well over an hour. The initial reports said that the pilots of Northwest Flight 188 were having a heated debate and lost track of time. Then there was the speculation that perhaps the pilots had fallen asleep. Investigators had hoped that the flight data recorder would hold the information to what happened during that silent hour but to no avail. Then the pilots finally admitted that they were on their personal laptops and lost track of time. I speculated that perhaps the pilots were either cursing at the twitter fail whale
 or updating their MySpace background. In all seriousness, this was a huge safety fail and nonsense like this continues to hurt an airline industry continuously losing consumer support. While not a pop culture moment, a HUGE fail nonetheless.

A lot went on in 2009 and this is probably a small snapshot in the world of pop culture events. It was pretty tough to boil the list down to 12 moments, events or people that failed in 2009. Like I said, no list is perfect but the 12 fails I posted (plus the honorable mentions) are the biggest pop culture fails of 2009 to me. What do you think?

[ORIGINALLY POSTED HERE]

Tagged as: 2009, Balloon Boy, Fail, Gucci, Men, Skinny Jeans, T-Pain, Tiger Woods

Article by

Q aka Throat Chop U is a firm believer that if it's funny, he's going to laugh and then blog about it. He's a born-again-blogger (blogging for the second time in life) and writes about pop culture, politics and provides a bit of social commentary. Sarcasm, is a way of life; and throat chopping is sarcasm's bodyguard. You can read more of his work at http://throatchopuniversity.com.

has written 17 article(s) for us.