I was born and raised in Augusta,Georgia and attend college in Atlanta so yes, I consider myself to be a true blooded DSGG (Down South GA Girl) and no, I don’t know Pastor Troy! I’ve been hearing for a long time now that chivalry is dead, but the acts that most people consider chivalry I’ve always thought them to be good manners. I hear women say “Men don’t open doors and pull out chairs anymore.” I also hear women say “I don’t need a man to open my door or pull out my chair.” Well, the latter may be more of the problem than an actual lack of chivalry. In either case, I often seem to encounter these elusive chivalrous acts, and since everyone is so quick to scream how dead they are, I always chalk it up to that good old fashioned Southern Hospitality. At least I did, until today.
In my quest for higher education I attended an SI session to prepare for an upcoming exam. Apparently everyone else on campus had the same idea. This afternoon about 50 people piled into a room that was constructed to accomodate around 30. What happened next? Next about 12 young ladies, myself included, were left with no other option than to sit on the floor or stand. As we took our places against the walls and sat on the floor, not a single guy in the room offered his seat. Not one of them even looked at one the girls with an “I’m sorry, but I had a super long day and would love to give you my seat but if I get on the floor I may not be able to get off it” face. All I needed was for Ye to bust in and say “Ay, sorry Teach I’ma let you finish but, y’all are the sorriest dudes of ALL TIME, OF ALL TIME!!” Yeah, that would’ve been perfect.
I was truly upset about that display of disrespect. Before you jump out of your seat and say I’m “trippin” or “if women can join the military they can sit on the floor too” just hear me out. Put aside the concepts of chivalry and feminism. Now, think about how you would feel if your mother walked into a room and there was no where for her to sit, but right in front of her are 8 men sitting comfortably. Now imagine her standing behind those men for 2 hours without even one them offering her their chair. That’s a pretty rude image right? Exactly.
While in that room I had to wonder “What would the mothers of these guys think about this?” Well, if their actions are a reflection of their up bringing, then their mothers would probably have nothing to say about it. As I left that room I asked myself “When did having good manners become a rarity?” Maybe my outlook and expectations are outdated, but that’s perfectly fine with me. In the event that I become a mother to son, I will teach him manners. By the time he’s college age he will probably be a rarity, and oddity, and thusly a commodity.
Men, would it kill you to hold a door open or at least offer your seat to a lady standing without one? Ladies, would it kill you to allow a man to hold open a door for you or pull out your chair and then thank him for doing so?
Article by Jessica Barton
Jessica Lynn is a marketing major who loves music and writing, and occasionally writing to music! She writes a couple of blogs, each with a different subject matter. She speaks the truth as she knows it and for all other inquires feel free to ask her directly. Be sure to check out how her writing can vary by going to [ http://carter2carter.blogspot.com ] for your media/music news and [http://followmypen.blogspot.com ] for your fictional fix!
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m as old fashioned as they come. When I’m out with my boyfriend I promise you I will stand in front of the door and wait for him to open it for me. HOWEVER, being that he is a total gentleman, he expects me to do nothing less. I was fortunate in the sense that his mother raised a good man, filled with manners and chivalry… Wish I would have to open a door, pull out my chair etc.
That’s my complaint with these independent, she got her own songs. Remember, even as recent as the early 2000′s when songs were basically about girl i’d do anything for you, i’d give you everything I got? Remember that Jaheim and Next song “you can have anything I’ve got, all of me right on the spot… you can have anything I own, I’ll work my fingers all the way to the bone.” That’s what I like. Women need to learn how to let men be men, and men need to start acting like men, and not women.
@cc1908, I stand in front of doors with men whom I’ve been dating a while, but I don’t do it with men say, on a first date. I feel like once I did that, and the guy stopped too and looked at me like “what’s wrong?”
I like this post. My two exes are both Southern, and the level of respect/manners/chivalry FAR exceeded what I’ve received from Northern men. Opening doors (car and buildings), pulling out chairs, allowing me to order first at restaurants, standing if I (or another woman at the table) stood…and I loved it! With my 1st boyfriend I actually used to tell him what I wanted to eat, then let him order it for me. It made him feel good, and he was never so rude as to assume what I wanted without asking. It shouldn’t be something that impresses me, but it does, especially since there just don’t seem to be many men whose manners run that deep. Opening a door is one thing, but it is rare that you see men stand at a table when a woman stands. I admit though that I have a tendency to not always wait for any man to do those things for me…probably because I’ve been single for quite a while. Interestingly enough though, while Northern men just kinda let you do your thing if you open the door for example, both of my Southern exes commented “Let me get the door, or let me do that, etc.” I agree with you, my sons WILL have impeccable manners, and I will see to it that they do. Nothing pains me more than seeing men inside buildings with their hats on…Oooh that grates my NERVES! It’s so rude!
Forgive me for sounding rude if I do, but at the end of the day, you aren’t the mother. That visual of my mother being in that position (which I agree with) and your agreement (no?) of gender equality (referring to your military line) don’t match. I feel you either are for the more traditional approach of woman being treated differently (as far as the old rules of chivalry apply) or we all get treated the same (within the realm of common sense, of course), but not in between.
I would have no problem sitting while you stood or sat on the floor. I would offer you a see if you were elderly or infirmed or even pregnant but I don’t consider having a vagina a physical ailment. Women wanted to be treated equal so there you go equal treatment.
This post was not about equality, it was about manners and a tradition that is clearly dying out and I only included the military line in an attempt to address an opposing argument. But where equaltiy is concerned men and women are not equal, never have been and never will be physically speaking.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1191690561065
this guy hasnt forgotten chivalry. i’ve seen him do this poem at a packed poetry spot, and guys give up their seats to the ladies who might be standing.