Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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Hey PBG,

I have a been a loyal reader or your since your days on the Space and I am in desperate need of your wisdom and realness right now:

I met this guy at the beginning of the summer and we immediately hit it off. I must admit, at first it was just supposed to be a one night stand kind of thing but well… as Jazzy Sully would say, “’It was me making pancakes in the morning…” Feel me? Anyway we spent the first two months completely enthralled in one another. I stayed at his house more than my own and the sex….whooo *fans self*. Since we aren’t/weren’t committed, we both continued to see other people. This was never discussed, but I know what I know. About a month and a half ago, I was at his house and he’d left his phone while he went to the store. Now, usually I’m a snooper, but I’m learning that I don’t always want to know what’s going on and this time I really wanted to live in my ignorance. This particular time, he received a text and honestly, with the way the phone was situated, I couldn’t help but see it and it read “I’m falling in love with you too!!!” (Of course I then looked thru the phone to see his outgoing msgs and sure enough he had sent one to her that said {“I think I’m falling in love with you”).


Now he and I have had very deep conversation regarding our future together—conversation that HE initiated. He has let it be known quite often that he sees me in his future and that we are definitely not just a f**k thing. Well, about three weeks ago, he’d been extremely distant and MIA. Not returning calls, etc. When we did speak he would say he’s going through some stuff and needs me to bear with him. He’s telling me that he wants me in his life, he knows we have a purpose for meeting, he’s not trying to hurt me, etc.


That’s all fine and good and he let me know what the situation is (financial). But I want to run. I want to run fast and I want to run far. I’ve been hurt too many times in the past and I already am extremely emotionally invested in him. We often talk about how weird it is that we had such a connection immediately (the first night we met up to “get it in” we actually ended up walking thru the park holding hands and talking for HOURS). When he asked me if I saw him in my future I answered him honestly and said “You’ll either be the one to make it all better or the one who’ll push me over the edge”.


I saw him a few days ago and he’s still talking to me and looking at me as if we are still “us”.


I guess my question is what do you think I should do?? Should I run for the hills given that he’s telling some girl that he’s falling in love with her?

Well, whether or not you “run for the hills” depends wholly on what you want for yourself.

Someone obviously told your guy at some point in his life “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket”…and he listened. I’m not going to doubt the sincerity of the feelings he has for you, but I will tell you that YOU aren’t the only one he feels so deeply for. That’s evidenced by the text exchange you saw in his phone (By the way…STOP doing that foolishness. Snooping is never a good thing, no matter what the motivation and hardly ever ends well.) He does want you, but he’s keeping his options open.

When he goes M.I.A. for extended amounts of time, he’s off tending to the eggs in his other baskets, my friend. That’s what he’s “going through”. He’s exploring options and he needs you to stick around (“bear with him”) because he does see you as a viable choice. You and at least one other woman. That’s his choice and I won’t condemn it. But I want you to understand that this is indeed what’s going on and you have choices as well. You can wait for him to decide which of you it will be in his future, or you can make yourself available for other romantic options. Get your own eggs! Get your own baskets!!


And let me just say this:

I’m not an advocate of casual sexual relationships at all, but I do know that in reality, people indulge in them and on rare occasions, they can develop into something more. But with simply enjoying sex together as the foundation of a relationship, I fear that it couldn’t stand steady for long. There has to be more if you expect to have a long term involvement of any true substance.

So, as you ask me whether or not you should stay or go, you should be asking yourself “What do I truly want for me?”

In this and in all things, I wish you love, light & clarity.

~pbg

Do you have an issue, question or query you’d like to have addressed here on “Hey, You Asked”? Feel free to email any and all issues to askthepbg@gmail.com and I will do my best to impart my real woman’s perspective upon your situation and hopefully show you the way!

Originally Posted Here

Article by Cashawn Thompson

Pretty Brown Girl (aka PBG) is a fabulous divorcee' in DC who doubles as a single mom and professional childcare provider by day and by night, is a Blog Chic Extraordinaire. She works HARD coming up with clever quips, sagacious soliloquies and tales that [seem to] transcend truth. PBG screams out into the universe about all the itty-bitty pretties, nitties and gritties of her little life at www.dirtyprettythangs.com.

Cashawn has written 12 article(s) for us.