A few months ago I did a piece for Essence.com called “10 Things Men Don’t Understand About Us (Women).” After that ran, theFreshXpress posted the raw and uncut transcripts HERE , which set off a heated battle of the sexes. Female readers called foul and said if the guys could go in on them, it was only right that they get a chance to vent about the random things about the male species that perplexes them. Turnabout is fair play, so I hit up a few of my female advisers for an impromptu poll on the things women don’t understand about men. Ladies, feel free to add any other questions about the opposite sex you might have. Fellas, they’re coming for our jugular on this one so prepare to defend the male species by offering the ladies some insight into why men do some of these quirky things…
Speak your piece…
THE OUT-OF-TOWNER
I don’t understand why men…
1) Have sex with women they would ABSOLUTELY not want to have a child with.
2) Say they don’t want a woman who’s interested in their money, but when they meet a woman that’s all they talk about.
3) Say they don’t want to be in a committed relationship with a woman, but then want to dominate all her time.
4) Ask for your phone number, but instead of calling sends text messages.
5) Express their interest in a woman, when they’re unavailable.
6) Don’t approach women they’re interested in.
7) Think if they tell a woman the truth, she won’t be able to handle it. Unless she’s the violent type, man up and tell her. She’ll respect you more after all is said and done.
8.) Say they don’t like drama, but are always in relationships with crazy women.
THE B.S. DETECTOR
1) My number one head scratcher is: Why is telling the truth most often the hardest thing to do? I say be honest with me, about what you don’t do, what you do, what you will do, what you won’t do… about whatever and without fail one of THE first things a young man will do isssssss lie.
2) Why do some men (I won’t generalize) CONSTANTLY complain about the shit women do and the type of women who do them [wrong] but yet they KEEP DEALING WITH THE SAME TYPE CHICKS???? Stop dealing with those chicks! So simple.
3) I won’t even rack my brain for too much more because I have come to a point where I stop asking why and just watch, learn, experience and accept what is.
THE DIRECT ONE
1) Unresponsiveness. This applies to phone calls, texts, emails, etc. Many women have come to the conclusion that when a man doesn’t know what to say he says nothing at all which is frustrating. Just say something.
2) Why they think we talk too much.
3) Lack of communication. This is the number one problem in relationships to me. This leads to nagging.
4) Acting like they don’t care when they really do. Seriously, what is the purpose of this? You have to work at a relationship.
5) Mass infidelity. If you’re gonna cheat, just get out of the relationship. This is incredibly selfish especially with long-term situations.
6) The amount of times they get a shape-up (for Black men) when their hair looks fine.
7) Why they don’t go when they really do need a shape-up.
8.) Road rage.
9) Not telling their female friends about you or acknowledging your relationship when we meet a female friend.
10) Shut up and listen sometimes.
THE MILF
I don’t understand why men…
1) Can’t be honest.
2) Don’t realize that the more you try to impress the less attractive you are.
3) Introduce us to trifling friends then will hate it when y’all are together.
4) Don’t buy the right size condom.
5) Don’t realize it’s okay when you leave after sex.
6) Know they’re bad in bed. Don’t call the next day save the embarrassment.
7) Wear their best things to the club or bar. We can tell it’s your only outfit.
8.) Are not the cutesy in the group and try to be loud.
9) Play hard to get but not too hard.
10) Don’t understand that a good job, confidence and pure manliness win over expensive cars jewelry and clothes.
THE VISIONARY
I don’t understand why men…
1) Can’t express themselves fully—especially when it deals with emotions.
2) Will drop everything to watch the playoffs.
3) Must look at every woman that walks past them.
THE RIDE OR DIE CHICK
1) Why do they wait for us to say, “I love you first?”
2) Why don’t they smile in pictures?
3) Why don’t they go to brunch with the fellas?
4) Why must they have every electronic device known to man?
5) Why do they read King and Smooth mag, and expect us not to feel a little self-conscious? We don’t look like video models, if that’s what they want, why are they with us?
6) Why can they only have one orgasm?
7) Why do they hesitate to go down on us, but expect head on every occasion?
8.) Why do they pee and fart simultaneously?
9) Why do they have a 30-second attention span?
10) Why must they own a kazillion pairs of white socks?
11) Why can’t they shave [down there]? We do.
12) Why do they turn the music up and roll the window down when they see us walking down the street?
13) Why do they wait to see our asses before trying to holla?
THE ROLE FLIPPER
I don’t understand why men…
1) Have double standards when it comes to sex—if you fuck my friend, I have to get over it, but if I fuck your friend, I’m a whore and not worth your time?
THE EDUCATED DIVA
1) Why you complain about wanting a woman who loves you for you, but keep hooking up with the crazy, money-hungry ones.
2) Why you think if we cook you a meal or treat you like a human being we’re trying to wife you? Just because we’re not going to keep you doesn’t mean we should treat you like a stray.
3) Why you can be totally real with us when we’re friends, but all that honesty and intimacy goes out the window when we become lovers.
4) Why you shut down when we’re having real talk.
5) Why you think it’s what you spend that impresses us. Money can’t buy you love. It’ll just score you a trophy wife who will be ghost in the hard times. Develop a personality and a sense of integrity and honor and see how far that gets you with the women.
6) Why you say you want a woman who can keep up with you sexually, but when you get that, you think she’s a whore.
7) Why you don’t really want us until someone else has us.
8.) Why we have to be almost completely hairless under our clothes, but asking y’all to trim/wax your chest, armpits or nether regions is considered an affront to your masculinity.
9) Why you honestly believe men and women can’t be just friends and that friendship is somehow a consolation prize rather than the gift that it truly is.
10) How you claim to be fearless, but when faced with real, honest to God love, you turn tail and run.
THE SERIAL MONOGAMOUS
1) I don’t understand how a man can be so fiscally conservative (read: frugal), but won’t think twice about spending when his boys invite him out to the strip club.
2) If I ask you to ease up on an annoying habit (i.e. being overly sarcastic, answering my question with a question), why do you think I’m trying to change you?
3) In long-term monogamous relationships: Why is it that you don’t have a problem making a woman the mother of your child(ren), but don’t want to make her your wife? If she’s good enough to birth your child(ren), she should be good enough to be your wife. If it’s “just a piece a paper,” then you should have no problem signing it.
4) Playing video games over the age of 18.
5) Why, instead of talking about your feelings, you start acting strange which forces me to ask you what the hell is your problem? If I never asked, would you have ever said anything?
6) What’s wrong with being with just one woman for the rest of your life?
7) Why do you say that all you really want is a nice girl, but then end up with the chick who gives you drama and lots of grief?
8.) If you buy me a drink at the club/lounge, why do you think I owe you my time? You offered, I didn’t ask.
9) What’s up with you saying that you want to take a break, but still call me from time to time to see how I’m doing? I thought you wanted time apart.
10) Just because the last girl was impressed by your car, money, etc., what makes you think that I will be?
MS. NO NONSENSE
Y’all ain’t no mystery. LOL. men are pretty easy to understand.
1) You guys say what you mean and do what you please. Even when men are trying to get “something” it’s still fairly evident.
2) All the un-hygienic stuff is easy too ’cause boys are simply nasty unless bred to be otherwise. (Men pee on trees cause instead of their mama’s making them wait and taking ‘em to the bathroom as kids, they said, “Go use the tree Johnny” so now at 40, Johnny’s still using the tree, corner, wall, whatever!
3) Don’t want to open doors (any doors) because chivalry is d-e-a-d and heaven forbid today’s man do something for a lady without feeling whipped or soft.
4) A lot of men will dog the shit out of any girl who comes after the woman who broke his heart because men just aren’t built for heartbreak or job loss or any confusion of emotions the way women are.)
5) I could go on and on about how mentally easy you guys are but you didn’t ask for that so I’ll stop. But on the flip side: I do think most women think men are confusing because these chicks want to hear and see what they want to hear and see. A man is a man, nothing more. So yes, he leaves the damn toilet seat up even when it’s not his toilet. LOL.
Article by Naked with Socks On
Naked with Socks ON is what I like to call a “life blog,” where people come to discuss everything from sex and relationships to music and movies to politics and technology. It’s an open forum for discussions about a wide array of topics that people from all walks of life can appreciate and relate to. As for the name, I decided on NakedWithSocksOn (or NWSO) because it’s symbolic of how I write. I reveal everything while still leaving something to the imagination. Ask me a question and I will give you an answer. It will be honest. It will come from the heart. It may embarrass me. At times, it will be painful for me to share. But I will sacrifice bits of myself to impart knowledge on my fellow man and for the sake of telling a damn good story. So that’s why I am NakedWithSocksOn. Check out more at http://www.nakedwithsockson.com/
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Maybe it’s me but immature “men” do all of this stuff … if a man isn’t ready or mature enough for a relationship or to communicate or anything then he acts in all of these ways. And I totally feel #5 from “The out of towner” … I’d just say “He doesn’t miss his water until his well runs dry.”
The only one I wasn’t feeling was #4 from “The serial monogamous” – video games are fun. You might want to try them out (maybe it can be a bonding experience for you and your S.O.)
I have some time, so allow me to clarify some of these misconceptions women have about men. Fair warning, I’m generalizing here, so take what I say for what it’s worth.
1) Have sex with women they would ABSOLUTELY not want to have a child with.
This could be one of two things: either a lack of foresight on the man’s part or general indifference. Guys are less selective because they don’t have to be. Forgive my crudeness, but a hole is a hole. For men, sex is two parts physical to one part emotional. The act is more important than the feelings that go along with it, so a woman’s physical composure often receives more attention than her clothes, personality, hair, etc.
2) Say they don’t want a woman who’s interested in their money, but when they meet a woman that’s all they talk about.
Culture teaches both sides to be superficial, so this one is a push. I’d say some is ego-driven and the rest is out of defense. Yes, defense. Women write off guys based on how they look, what they wear, and what they do for a living. In order to avoid being written off, a man will show women what he thinks she wants, just so he has a fighting chance.
4) Ask for your phone number, but instead of calling sends text messages.
I’d say a good 90% of my male friends text back and forth. Unless we’re close friends, guys DON’T call each other. Words are the simplest form of communication and men are simple by nature. Telephone conversations open the door to tell signs such as tone, vocal inflection, and background noise – all three which send messages which that guy might not want to send.
5) Express their interest in a woman, when they’re unavailable.
From his POV, there’s no harm in letting her know you’re interested when there’s no pressure to do follow anything up. It’s a safe compliment which opens the door for a future relationship if the current one doesn’t work out.
6) Don’t approach women they’re interested in.
Fear of rejection, embarrassment, and pride. No one likes to have their feelings hurt, and the easiest way to get hurt is to have the proverbial door slammed in your face.
7) Think if they tell a woman the truth, she won’t be able to handle it.
Because normally she won’t be able to handle it. Sometimes, telling the truth is the meanest thing you can do to a person because usually, the truth hurts. Deep down, people want to protect other people. A woman won’t respect you for telling her she isn’t pretty/smart/funny enough to be with you. At that point, you just become a jerk.
8.) Say they don’t like drama, but are always in relationships with crazy women.
For the same reason women say they want Mr. Perfect, but end up dating the “problem” guy in hopes that she (being the glorious being that she is) will be the one to change him into Mr. Perfect.
Well, for serial monogamous’s no 4, I know a 22 year old girl who plays video games. The peeing in public thing is true, because us men have less hassles peeing than girls do. Unlike ya’ll, we don’t have to drop our pants and underwear and wipe afterwards; all it takes is one quick un-zip, then done. Naturally, you gotta expect we’d take advantage of that, lol. I HATE watching and playing sports. I’d much rather write instead. And I’d prefer text messages because the last girl I was in a relationship with barely contributed anything to our phone convos; she would respond to every, single thing I said with a “yeah” or “mmhh” or even silence. So yeah
Just one comment from a guy…as far as the “why do men expect us (gals) to be hairless down there and they won’t trim…”
THIS guy doesn’t want the ladies to trim down there either…I’m old fashioned that way.