According to the Census Bureau, there are 3 million Black women in this country compared to only 1.7 million Black men. This statistic may seem daunting, but I urge Black women not to pursue interracial dating for this reason alone.
Last week, a story in The Washington Post pointed out there are more Black women with college degrees than single Black men with college degrees by a ratio of about three to one in major urban areas. Writer Karyn Langhorne Folan was quoted in the story as saying the solution for single Black women may be “to find a new market for your commodity,” suggesting interracial dating as the answer.
Studies show that 71 percent of Black students in post-grad studies are women. This statistic contributes to the much smaller amount of Black men in professional jobs as well as the 46 percent of Black women that have never married. According to the census, that’s compared to 23 percent of white women.
Again, as daunting as these facts may seem, I urge Black women to date interracially for the right reasons, not out of sheer fear.
Interracial dating should be approached as any other dating: with care and caution. Find someone you are compatible with, a person whom you have real chemistry with, not just a man convenient to your place in life.
If you find yourself interested in a new market for your commodity, remember that what you have is precious, deserving respect regardless of the market you enter into. Likewise, Black women should not feel pressured to date interracially if it is not what they really want. We are not homogenous, and what suits one of us will not work for all.
It’s important to remember that even with 46 percent of Black women unmarried, 54 percent are. There are still good Black men out there, finding one of your own is the hard part (I’m still looking for one, wink.)
Dating interracially does not require you to, as Folan suggested, “Get over those old images of slavery and stop blaming every white man for sins perpetrated by others.” Assuming you do interracially date, the person you choose to be with should both accept and value your cultural and racial identity, all history included. As seen in the movie Something New, this can be difficult for interracial couples, but it is an obstacle that can be tackled.
If you meet someone who attracts you and adores you in return, why stop at the color line? After all, there are plenty of brothers out there expanding their horizons. Just take a look around.
Maybe the problem is beyond skin deep. Regardless of skin color, we often set ourselves up for failure when we look for someone with a “checklist,” weighing potential beaus against our idea of “prince charming.”
Often on the list are race, eye color, height and profession. I often remark I would marry a garbage man if he were confident in himself and what he does for a living. I’m not saying throw away all of your standards, but if a good man were standing next to you while you had your mind on a checklist, you would miss him – white, Black or otherwise.
We, as Black women, are raised to believe the only kind of man we can love or who can love us back must be Black and of our same educational status. This puts us in a very strange predicament when the fact is there just aren’t enough educated Black men to go around.
Forcing ourselves into the box of waiting for the perfect man who happens to be Black may or may not reap results, but this is a very personal decision you.
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Aisha is a College senior. She is a natural hair wearing, womanist, angry Black woman.
has written 5 article(s) for us.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
i"ve crossed the color line for a number of reasons. I use to think that if a white guy was interested it was just some "lust for the exotic" type of thing but that hasn't been my exp. It's kind of hard for me to explain but if i had to sum it up i would say the feeling of security is greater with white guys. Make no mistake about it, I am a black woman (born and raised in the same neighborhood as Lil Wayne, mind you) but my bf who is so lily white absolutely adores me. At one time, I use to get somewhat upset about the BM/WM thing. Then, I said if you can't beat 'em, join 'em but now i realize that is petty and there's so much than just "joining 'em".
*BM/WW = black man/ white woman
*BM/WW = black man/white woman
We shouldn't look to interracial dating as a last resort out of desperation for some type of husband, You might get ANY white man and end up disappointed. You should fall in love with someone despite their color if they happen to be white, good for you. But don't force it because you can't find a black man this instant. I believe these statistics are somewhat inaccurate and were formed to discourage black women. There are plenty of men out there for us, and again fall in love with someone that you share goals and passions with etc not just because he's white and you think you'll NEVER meet up with someone black.
Thank you for saying that. Getting tired of black women making interracial dating out to be “something new.” it is a joke cause once you leave america and go to europe, bw date wm cause its human nature not cause of bm. Ughh its a really bad message to bw to tell them to “explore other avenues” only because bm arent there. What happened to talking about why we are so attracted to wm and NOT MAKING BM THE SUBJECT AT ALL! It is annoying, because even though bm do it to us, we know they hate themselves and their skin colors and that is why they put us down. But bw- dont think you should do the same. Date wm and other nonbm because you are attracted- it should have NOTHING to do with bm!! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Would you like to know that a wm is only dating you cause no ww was there? How would that make you feel?
Bw get over yourselves and stop waiting for people to sppon feed you. People shouldnt have to tell us in 2010 that we have other dating options. asian women got a clue, CANT YOU??
do you really go trolling the internet for bw dating wm articles? is getting bw to date outside your cause celebre? sad sad person you are. what happened to dating whoever just because. if i dated an elf itd be because i liked that elf, not because im attracted to elfs. wow. someone did a number on your self esteem.
If you can find someone that you can't live without…what does color matter….call me what you want but I still believe in LOVE!! Yes, L-O-V-E! and I don't think it has a race, gender, or whatever…Love, is Love…
Interracial dating is over hyped issue. I think when some one is dating he or she wants to find a perfect match, ignoring colour, education and financial background. Yeah it is true that there are less black men compared to women but at the same time there are white women dating black guy so all in all when dating is concerned I think its not about racial issue.
Why are we as Blk Folks so hung up on who makes what? Sistas need to get off their high horse and get back to reality. Having a degree and a good paying job does not make you successful. How come other races don’t act this way? Because they see honor and respect the man for more than just having a job or career. It’s sad that these so called “educated Blk women” think that they got it going on, I’m a Diva, and a man is a option” attitude today is going to make them happy.What are we teaching our daughters? True you should not settle for this new generation of drop outs,deadbeats and thugs. But their are plenty of working class brothers that chose not to go to college and wined up having the whiteman slam the door in his face and he can’t use the degree that you say he should have when jobs are scares and people are being laid off. Good hard working brothers who are trying to be providers in all areas are being shut out and not appreciated because sisters are putting unrealistic standards on them to measure up.That only makes it more open for another race of females to embrace them. Being around silly girlfriends and women with nothing but drama will not get you closer to the alter. No where in any holy book does it say that a man must make close to 6 figures, be above 6′ft and have a very high IQ. Our slave history has damage our way of thinking. God has not made another option for you Blk woman but the Blk man that he created for you. The whiteman has build you up to help tear you’re man down. So now you think he is a new option for you the 1 that has help cause most of this problem? Help us brothers by being supportive,understanding and in our corner when things get rough. Then again we can be strong together and survive just as our fore-parents did. Read the book:The Blackmans Guide to Understanding the Black women for further help and clarification.
Well said even though your spelling was a little off. you've said more than any of these so called "strong" black women ever have in 3 decades.
Good hard working brothers who are trying to be providers in all areas are being shut out and not appreciated because sisters are putting unrealistic standards on them to measure up to, Being around silly girlfriends and women with nothing but drama Let's add Oprah and her show adding more fuel to an already existing fire. Oprah and her show in it's earlier days widened the already existing gap between Black men.
Although I disagree with you on a few points (Having a good paying job does reflect some level of professional success just as having a degree shows academic success) I agree with what I take as your main point. The overall narcissism that is rampant in both women and men in all cultural and ethnic groups in America is probably a bigger problem than is unwillingness to date outside of one’s ethnic group.
As for God having not made an option other than the, “black man” he made for you. That’s asinine. If that were the case then God would have used the same simple mechanism he seems to have used to prevent this in ALL other cases. We wouldn’t be able to procreate with one another. If you believe that God planned the universe, life, and everything you’ll agree that the reason a dog and a cat cannot produce offspring together is because said offspring was not part of His plan.
There is one (1) human race and nowhere in the Word of your God does he forbid or prevent any one subsection of Humankind from loving or procreating with another such subsection.
Racist ass.
“There is one (1) human race and nowhere in the Word of your God does he forbid or prevent any one subsection of Humankind from loving or procreating with another such subsection.”
Racist ass.”
Okaaaay here we go. number one I am currently dating outside my race and it’s by choice. Second the “Racist ass” comment are you speaking from intelligence or stupidity? I’m inclined to go with the latter.
Third as for your good paying job comment many Black women have based their decisions on a brother’s type of employment and the possesions he has as a result of his “good paying job”. I haven’t written Black women off but it’s been my experience that women from other raaces have been more receptive to black men than women within our own race.
yet I’m a “Racist ass”…….Really?
Took me a while to figure out why I was getting this email from thefreshxpress, I thought the site was dead. My reply was to Reef’s comment above, that’s why I used the “good paying job” phrasing.
Sorry for the confusion.
Sisters can find Black love on: Blackpeoplemeet.com
love is love, I don't think race should have anything to do with love, I don't see anything wrong with a woman dating outside of her race is she doesn't like the options which has in front of her.. go for yours its 2010! explore your options dont feel like you have to settle… I would rather see my black queens happy with a yellow/white/green man than single unhappy and bitter! =-)
Fully agree with kdiddynyc! It is not a racial issue here. It is a natural attraction by males and females and nothing peculiar about it.
Who cares. the vast majority of Black men and women will end up with people of their race.So if Black women want/must/need to go and date white men go ahead why the need for all the discussion.
Good point
“Having a degree and a good paying job does not make you successful” Black women, RUN from any man who makes any statement to you like this. I have NEVER heard a non-black man say this to his educated woman. If we educated black woman are so high and mighty , and our education so useless, no one should care if we all date out then right? Why is it that black women’s reasons for everything MUST be so pure? No one asks all these Asian women dating and marrying out in droves if their reasons are pure. if you want to wait around for a brotha do so. If you don’t there is a big world out there of non-black men of all classes who WILL date you. If you want to see what it’s like dating a Tyrone vs. Brad from Greenwich vs. Seema from Pakistan, do it and don’t wait till all your single friends, your pastor and your mama say it’s ok. It’s your life. If you think a guy having a MA or whatever is important, good! I wanted a man with ambition, a job, his own place, a 401k, who liked to read and voted. I would never date babydaddy because I am not a babymama and I know I do now want a ready made famiy with drama. I didn’t care who didn’t like my standards and if no black guy fit them, TOO BAD. My fiance has all those things and he cooks dinner most nights. I’m a happy girl. I am glad I never listened to those haters who told me that I had to be “realistic”, that bc I am dark with locs I had to settle for whatever UPS/ditchdigger/ex-con/babydaddy black man would have me, that I HAD to date losers with ‘potential’ bc the whiteman held them down. It’s 2010. That stats about marriage are REAL. Time for us all to step up and do what we want.
OOOOOOOKAAAAAAY while you were walking with your nose in the ari with Black pride did you ever bother to consider Men in Uniform? I know plenty of single Black Officers who probably make just as much as you do and probably have more to offer you than UPS/ditchdigger/ex-con/babydaddy!!!!!
Black women get a fucking clue!!!!!!! WE EXIST BUT YOU'LL NEVER FIND US BECAUSE OF YOUR SHORTSIGHTEDNESS!
GOLDDIGGER
I agree with E! Does this guy want a tissue for the pity party he's throwing? Like my father didn't have doors slammed in his face. But you know what he did? He kept going and kept looking for the one that would open. Instead of making excuses why he can't get ahead and blaming everyone but the man in the mirror, he was determined to do well and give to his wife and family. This is an immigrant who cleaned tables, did construction work, gardening, and was a waiter to put himself through college. This is a man who didn't take no for an answer when he went for his job in the government and didn't stop there. He got an MBA as well. What's this guy's excuse? "The whiteman slammed the door in other BM's faces so they couldn't get ahead". How long ago was this? Does it still happen? Yes, but only the strong survive. This guy is nothing more than a crybaby who is mad because his harem is getting smaller. Harem meaning an abundance of single black women who are too afraid of the opinions of small minded males (not MEN mind you) and other crabs to make a move and make a change. I also can't believe that this guy not only put BW down for their educations, but also told you in the same breath that you have no other options but "the black man God created for you" like we aren't all human beings. Get a grip, get a life , and mind your own damn business.
As for the women who want to eventually marry a BM, I say good for you and good luck. If that's what you want, go and try to get it. However, my advice is that you not lower yourself, dumb yourself down, or cheapen yourself in order to get it. You don't have to do that. BM like Reef are scared that they're going to have to come up with more than just excuses to succeed and actually take some responsibility for themselves, their actions, their seed, and their ability to provide or fight to provide for a woman. Don't ever settle!!
AGAIN I MENTION MY BROTHERS IN UNIFORM WE'RE PROFESSOINALS YET MANY OF YOU FAIL TO RECOGNIZE US?
I hear your point SGT Davis.
Here’s my question though. Is a woman with a degree in the wrong if she would rather date a CO than an NCO under the assumption that the CO’s educational background may reflect a similar set of values and priorities?
I won’t answer that question because one thing I know for sure that there are plenty of NCO’s with a degree, so is it fair to ask me this question?
questionI pity you.I’m sorry but the way you wdoerd the entire sounds really creepy or like an ad or something.
bj26Wj czonhwugwhdt
I have to disagree with Reef regarding this statement: "Having a degree and a good paying job does not make you successful. How come other races don’t act this way? Because they see honor and respect the man for more than just having a job or career. It’s sad that these so called “educated Blk women” think that they got it going on, I’m a Diva, and a man is a option” attitude today is going to make them happy."
Especially the point that "other races don't act this way." That's not true at all. Many women–of all races–go for someone with a similar or higher educational level. People of other races don't even think about it, they just do it. It's only AA woman who are encouraged to marry someone who is of a lower educational level. It was actually surprising to me (someone who isn't AA) that anyone would be encouraged to take that advice.
Everything else that I would like to say on that statement has already been said by E and Browncow. Especially Browncow's point on her immigrant father. My parents went through a similar situation…now they are both highly educated (several degrees to each person), they are making a lot of money doing jobs they love. They are my role models, and I can settle for nothing less–nor am I expected to.
Exactly where have you lived again besides your current state in CONUS (the contintntal United States?) I’ll bet my stripes that I’ve lived in other countries and have seen and experienced it firsthand.
Reading some of the stupid comments that some black women leave about black men remind me the reason why whenever black men have a national
(or international) platform they can use, such as recording rap music, they avail themselves of the most derogatory language when referring to black women. I certainly don’t say it’s right, but I do understand. As Malcom X once said, if it’s hate that he is teaching/ preaching – “then, it’s the hate that hate produced”.
Until some black women realize that you can’t be pursuasive in correcting undesirable behavior in black men by being hateful or disrespectful then I’m afraid the issue of “race” make no difference at all, because if you practice that same trash-talking, disrespectful, degrading language with men of any race then all I have to say is see where it gets you.
Ultimately, some Black men and women both need to grow the “F” up. However, some Black women have historically done a horrible job sticking by their men, and also failed to properly discount the impact that living in a racist American society had on black men as they struggled to become good providers. You see, men have historically had the burden of being the providers (not women). The whole time black men were suffering one set-back after another, their women was at home teaching their children that “daddy ain’t shit”.
Fight, Freeze or Flee. When the pressure became too much to handle, many black men would flee. On the other hand, White men would simply kill the family, collect the insurance proceeds, and start a new family… and here is the kicker, HE WOULD GET AWAY WITH IT.
The result – some black men ended up rebelling against everyone, including black women who they believed never showed any loyalty, or at least never believed that the impact that racism had on the sucess of Black family life was real.
Think about it.