I, too, hate what OneChele referred to in her recent post as “the new trend of Mistresses and Groupies on Parade.” Somewhere in the universe, the woodwork must have squeaked, because every other day there’s a new freak with a new story to tell sell.
The groupie/ho business is getting serious. Lawyer-to-the-stars Gloria Allred has practically turned it into its own branch of the entertainment industry. Allred is the CEO, COO and General Counsel of Skankville Inc., pimping these girls and their stories for all it’s worth.
The how-to-be-a-ho formula has worked for generations. Take one famous male athlete/actor/singer/politician (or husband of a woman who is one or all of the above); add one or more groupies, preferably of the blonde, big-breasted variety; subtract one despondent wife; leak enough salacious details to the media to whet the public’s appetite, and voila! Let the famewhoring begin!
For the formula to work, the salacious details must sound like copyedited versions of Penthouse Forum. Thus, we’ve read about John Edwards’ sex tape in which he performs oral sex on pregnant Rielle Hunter. We read Kwame Kilpatrick’s texts to his love-starved chief of staff Christine Beatty and Tiger’s embarrassing texts to one of his groupie chicks.
When the groupies leak their stories, they never contain unflattering facts like: his penis is the size of a well-endowed two-year-olds; he was too drunk to get it up; he aspires to be a one-minute man – all the stuff you know is probably true. The truth would destroy the economic value of the tell-all, and that economic value makes them newsworthy. No one wants to hear that famous people sex is as boring as the sex they’re having at home. Accordingly, the stories enhance the famous men’s aura of masculinity and virility. Paradoxically, by having an affair with one or more hot women, the cheating husbands appear even more desirable and attractive.
Kat Stacks, another wanna-be player in the ho game, failed to grasp the importance of telling a good story. The stories on her now-blocked blog weren’t titillating, they were sad and desperate. They made you want to get her into counseling and send her to a GED course. Allred’s services are well out of Kat Stacks’ reach.
But that’s the problem with the ho game. The men, not the women, are the ultimate winners. Sure, one of Tiger’s babes got a settlement, but what about the others? Notably, black mistresses often fare worse than their white counterparts. Karrine Steffans got a couple of book deals out of giving great head, but not all of the mistresses have been so lucky. Just compare Eliot Spitzer’s main call girl Ashley Dupre, and Kilpatrick’s mistress Christine Beatty. While Dupre has an advice column in the New York Post and an upcoming spread in the May 2010 Playboy; Beatty just moved to Atlanta after being unable to find employment in the Detroit area following the mayoral scandal.
There are many reasons why being a mistress or groupie is not a sustainable business model. Karma truly is a b*tch. Specifically, karma’s the next bitch. There’s always another one: younger, blonder, with bigger boob and butt implants. Mistresses and groupies have a short shelf life, and success breeds copycats. Once it’s known that the guy in question can be had, women will fall all over themselves to get next. And very few of these guys generate the type of income that breeds big settlements, the type of settlements that can assuage hurt feelings when he moves on to the next chick.
It’s not that the men escape entirely scot-free. But who do we refer to as a ho? The men are said to have “made mistakes” and “should apologize to their wives,” but they get shiny new stud images to boot. After the cheating husbands perform some public act of contrition, the public forgives, and their careers go on.
Meanwhile, no matter how much Kiely Williams tries to p-pop herself out of being a forgettable Disney starlet, the only reaction her “Spectacular” video stirred up was general revulsion. It’s rumored her next song is called “Open My Legs, Tell Me What Ya Think.” If she named it “Open My Legs and Get That Speculum” and featured her next Pap smear in the video, and I don’t think the public would give a damn. She may try to go the basketball wives’ route next, but I’m not even sure she could pull a bench rider making league minimum at this point.
I worry about how my teenage daughter will be influenced by the notion that growing up means throwing all caution and your legs open to the wind. So far, her only reaction has been “Ewww!” I hope when she’s older and her understanding of sex goes beyond sex ed and it-can-get-you-pregnant-and-make-you-sick, she remains disgusted by all the women who use sex, not their brains, for the come-up.
Is skank-and-tell the new hustle? What can be done to make it all stop? What are your thoughts on Rielle Hunter getting on Oprah? A show like Basketball Wives (where only two of the 20 are actual wives) was watched by 1.6 million people – the Hell?
Carolyn Edgar is an attorney and writer living in New York City. She is a contributor to the NYC Moms Blog and has also contributed to My Brown Baby. Carolyn’s personal essays have been published in Reconstruction Magazine and Mirror on America: Short Essays and Images from Popular Culture (Bedford/St. Martin’s). She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and Harvard Law School.
Article by Michele
Michele Grant, also known as OneChele. OneChele is just a bougie Southern chick with a thought (or two), a keyboard and a sense of humor. A writer, lover of all things purple and speaker of mind. My book, Heard it All Before, is in stores now. Get it, read it, love it.
Michele has written 87 article(s) for us.
{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
Yeah…that Kat Stacks shit is out of control. I'm not sure on the history of the groupie turned profit business, but I blame this shit on Superhead. She's the first woman I can think of who made a living off a being a video chick to be passed around like free wine at communion. Ever since then, now ALL of these thirsty ass tricks trying to get themselves a married dude and tell the world all the damn business. Shit's disgusting. What part of the game is that?
Kat Stacks kills me because this silly broad has the nerve to act hurt. You laid down with a dude for some (un) disclosed amount of money, slept with all of this friends, and now you want to put them on blast because "they didn't show me respect?" She needs to take some of that money she got and go seek some damn help. In the end, the only people I TRULY feel sorry for, is the children. Like…if Superhead was my mom, I'd disown her. Ain't no way in hell…like…man…SMMFH.
Kat Stacks' life story bothers the hell out of me. If there is ANYONE in her circle that isn't out to make money off her name, they need to get her some serious professional help. Serious.
Yeah, her shit is like an extreme version of what happens when someone is abused their whole life and has low self – esteem. Dammit man. You slept with a group of nigga in a dirty apartment and a bunk bed. She has tried to kill herself numerous times. Her ex dude used to beat her and (if I'm not mistaken) make her have sex with his homeboy. Threaten to kill her and all that. In some respects, I can't really blame her for her situation…but she's an adult and you gotta start taking accountability at some point in your life. Even if the most fucked of brains, you should not be making videos "airing dudes out" when YOU were the one who was laying down with "a bunch of dirty niggas in a little ass apt with bunk beds."
Frankly, the guys brought this on themselves for sleeping with her. They are not innocent either. About her though, her and the rest of these chicks could really stop putting all their business out in the street! It is not cute-it is tacky and nasty. I can see one of them reading my statement saying, men brag about their exploits and folks don't say nothing about. Maybe some folks don't but I frankly think their constant exploits about their conquest suck balls too! I am just speaking for myself though! People put too much out there these days though.Real talk! Folks don't have to know all this mess! These folks got issues!Oh, and that Keily Williams video. W-T-H?Definately-not feeling that. I think she can sing and she is pretty but this ain't it. This ain't right!
I was unfamiliar with this Kat Stacks foolery until reading this article. I really don't understand this need for 15 seconds of fame (she's not nearly intriguing enough to receive 15 minutes) that these girls are literally selling themselves out for. What I always find interesting is that after their encounters, they knock them ie; "young money is broke" "they share rooms" "they have bunkbeds" etc. Calling them out doesn't change the fact that you've had sex with them. In fact it makes her look worse. You really got it in with someone who sleeps on a bunkbed? Are you 13?
Furthermore, this "Spectacular" video is a cry for help. How do you go from being a Cheetah Girl to a Sex Kitten in 2.5? Makes no sense. I'm not sure who her target audience is with this song, but its obviously no one who is musically inclined.
Lastly, to address your question. This is not a new art form, in fact its old hat. These girls won't stop coming out of the woodwork until they stop getting publicity. As long as we give them a forum, they will continue their antics.
How do you go from being a Cheetah Girl to a Sex Kitten in 2.5? Makes no sense. OKay?! That was my question, what HAPPENED? Or is she THAT good of an actress?
Well I for one just cant keep all these names together in my head…after a while, they all start looking the same. Is "Kat" the same girl as the Cheetah Girl's chick? I mean, I'm sure its the same for the rappers..all their faces just start running together.
this new breed of hoe the article describes is just the glorified average girl with no tact. any man who has attained any level of success will tell you groupies are everywhere and most of them carry themselves nothing like kat stacks
i just dont understand why so many men are sleeping with these dirty girls. if they actually paid as much attention to their wives instead of karrine stefans and etc we wouldnt have this much drama. half of those women are ugly & nasty…yikes. till this day i dont understand why mcnair was cheating on his wife with the crazy chick who killed him (God rest his soul)……..why are men drawn to hoes? if they stop, the chicks will stop
because 85% of chicks are groupies. either after what you have or have the potential to attain. just the way the game goes
I would categorical disagree with your statement. You might be meeting the wrong ladies.
There is nothing wrong with the women I meet. They are quite typical,and I am ok with them aside from the part about me being a bitter black dude. if i was shiftless it would not matter how nice, honest, or funny I was only 15% of the women out there would give me a chance. for the other 85%, your odds with them, more or less, are directly related to your ability to go out and get it. either currently or in the future. in that sense, yall all some groupies. some are better behaved and have manners and class. derde kat for not having class, not because shes looking for a come up — 85% of women want a come up.
Well you are aptly named. I will leave it again with my vehement disagreement particularly with your numbers.
what ? is it more like 50/50? or do i have the numbers flipped? or do i keep running into the same 5% that are like that and im missing out on the good 95%. you tell me. maybe its my bitterness blinding me. im open to what you think the numbers are, if one were to dare quantify such a thing.
I have to disagree. Heres why. Women look for someone they can have a family with at some point in their lives. Having children costs money. Its a well known fact. If I (take myself for example) want to have 4 kids (which i do) the quality of life i want to give my kids has to be paid for. No matter how nice you are, love doesn't pay the bills. However unlike many women, i am willing to work to provide the financial stability my kids will need. My partner needs to understand from the beginning that if we are going to build a life together with that many kids and live comfortably (meaning not pay check to paycheck we're both going to have to contribute more financially.) Him more so than me at some points because of maternity leave, child care & etc.
I dont agree with strictly GOLD digging women who have no intentions of putting in any work financially in to the relationship. Bu t the issue of money can't be ignored when you want to start a life with someone. It has to be honestly and openly discussed unless you both will be in for a rude awakening. Was money the only factor in choosing my man? Honestly when i met him he was in a very bad financial situation. But we BOTH discussed it realistically and since then, we both have gotten better jobs and so far we'll see what happens in the future.
@bitterblack dude, idk what type of women you meet, but often you attract what you are. so if you're attracting hoes, gold diggers & trifling women………take a look in the mirror and do a self evaluation…..xoxo
because 85% of chicks are groupies. either after what you have or have the potential to attain. just the way the game goes…
Take out the 85% and throw in something generic (Most, alot, many) and what he's saying is absolutely correct. There isn't anything wrong wit that…but I've always found that if you look like you might be about something, or you look like you already got it, women will find you. I mean it makes sense. Nobody wants someone who ain't doing nothing. I'm not sure if I'd consider them groupies, but the underlying point, is one that I agree with.
seriously. chicks are loving the bitter black dude since ive gotten a little established. longer im at my job, the more i hate it, the meaner i get. longer im at my job, more established i get, the more chicks are checking for me. everyday i become more of a jerk. bright eyed black dude is dead.
whatever your numbers, and whatever you want to call women who want to date successful people…how can you deny the premise? women dont want unsuccessful people and i dont blame them. only difference between kat and those chicks is kat is stupid as shit and cant keep her damn mouth shut.
you make it seem like its just about money. its not true. as a man you really cant speak for wat a woman thinks. please read my POV from above. Money shouldnt be the only deciding factor in choosing a partner but life isn't free. so money matters……i dont agree with the women described in the article, or those who look specifically for a man with money. But you need it to take care of your kids & to live..period
I just got cut off by a guy because I was "girlfriend material" Yep, that's right, apparently being "Girlfriend Material" isn't what's up. Mind you, I acheived this label by not sleeping with the guy two weeks after knowing him, lol. Any standards is High to men these days. You got to dumb it down or stay single forever. It seems to me that men love women like Kat Stacks. The lower your standards the better. The 3 P's, having a Pussy, being Pretty, and Pathetic. That's what men love.
Hi, I'm the author of this piece, which was a guest post on @OneChele's blog. This is a response to bitter black dude. Garfield says: "I’ve always found that if you look like you might be about something, or you look like you already got it, women will find you. I mean it makes sense. Nobody wants someone who ain’t doing nothing." Exactly. (I still haven't figured out, Garfield, how you can reach that logical conclusion but still say you "agree" with bitter black dude's "underlying point," but whatever.)
A woman who wants a man who is "about something," or who already has it, isn't a groupie. She's a woman choosing wisely. If she has nothing to offer, she may be out of her league, but you can't fault her for trying. You also have the ability to choose a woman who's "about something." So, bitter black dude, unless you fall into the category of men who have nothing and aren't about anything, there shouldn't be much reason for you to be bitter.
thank you!!!!!!! so true and well written. also you attract what you are. if you are attracting low rate women……take a look in the mirror (@bitterblackdude)…..life's to short and hoe'ing around with women isn't safe!
I feel your first statement, but being about something and having money are two totally different things…I don't think 85% of all women are groupies, but the number of women who choose this path is growing substantially. Professional athletes, rappers, ect have women throw themselves at them no matter how ugly, unintelligent, or how much of a horrible person they may be.. Lebron James isn't a good looking dude, but put a $100 million Nike contract behind his name, and now he's Morris Chesnut.lol… Same thing happens with regular dudes as well. If a dude can throw out law school, med school, ect then he gets a few bonus points.
Women bash men all the time for being shallow when it comes to looks. Why is okay for women to do the same with men in terms of socioecomomic status? I'm pretty sure if the man has vision, but he's currently the fry cook at Wendys, 9 times out of 10 he's not getting to the point where he can share that vision with a woman. So no matter what his "master plan" may be his current position is all that matters.
Bitter Black Dude, Esq.
actually.
and you're right, life is easier on the other side Nice.
Nice pretty much summed up what I was going to say.
You also have the ability to choose a woman who's " about something."
Exactly. Alot of men are not rushing to get a woman who ain't got nothing or aren't about anything either. I partly understand but the reasons that they have are sometimes the same shallow reasons that they criticise women for. But perhaps I'm missing something. IDK, I'm just making an observation.
"Alot of men are not rushing to get a woman who ain’t got nothing or aren’t about anything either. "
it really depends how fine she is.
I'm sure some men do date women who don't seem to have anything going for them, but some men date women for reasons other than personality or looks-some reasons being the person's success or money.
na…if she is fine every man will at least have sex with her …guranteed. may even become friends and or husband wife.
but no, if by any way you are trying to suggest men are shallow in the same way women are you are wrong. dont get me wrong, we have our vices, but its not golf digging. women have their vices too, and it hapens to be groupiedom on many occassion. lot of men, me included, actually subtract points for women too into their careers (meaning their well paying job stresses them).
You subtract points from a woman who has a stressful career? That is the most RIDICULOUS thing I've ever heard.
Be bitter. Its cool. But all this dramatics about women who want a provider (b/c I'm pretty sure the lumpage includes those who really want a man who is able to take care of his family) is over the top.
At this point BBB – a woman is damned if she does or doesn't – with you. Damned if she has her own and Damned if she wants you to have yours.
Blrgh. SMH. Carry on.
lol…damned if you do damned if you dont sounds like my life. these women dont stand a chance with bitter black dudes, as if you didnt already know.
Well BBB – funny thing is – I was the same person you were in HS…just a woman. I've come up yada yada – but … even today, looking for my peer (well give or take a couple years) who's gonna (pardon my Southern woman phrasing) love my dirty drawls (drawers)…not spent being bitter even though I can now buy AND sell the guys who passed me by.
In other words sir, K.I.M.
I have no trouble finding people to love my dirty drawls, but i feel empty. I know a few years back no one was checking for wide eyed black dude. oh well. truth told, no ones checking for me now. Its all about stuff I increasingly hate. maybe if i went my whole life and no one was checking for me i wouldnt have so much resentment. feel like i was sold a bill of goods. all this schooling, all these loans, suck ass job – and this is what i get, bunch of no account chicks wouldnt give me the time a day. nice. just make the most of it i guess.
I beg to differ.Don't get "me" wrong(either), I am not saying that no women are gold diggers-there are some. But there "are" male golddiggers too.
I can only speak from personal experience. My girlfriend is intelligent, goal oriented, a great person, ect. I can go on all day about how great I think she is, but when I first met her the only thing that mattered was the pretty face and the dimples. Well,the body didn't hurt either.lol. As we began to date I learned more about her, and all those other attributes came into play. I think that's the key difference.
Men don't lie about how shallow they are. Women hide behind this guise about the man "being about something." Because I went to law school I'm now about something? How does that piece of paper separate me from someone who didn't go to college? His master plan may be to become a billionaire, while I only want to make enough money to live comfortably. He may be better suited for your hopes and dreams, but he doesn't even get a chance to sell his dream.
Men are judged on where they are currently, not where they are going. For most men their only prerequisite is a pretty face or a nice body. What you do after that point decides which category you're placed into (GF potential,friend, other). Men allow women the chance to achieve "upward mobility." The friend with benefits can become the girlfriend based on what she brings to the table. Women aren't even allowing a lot of men to get a foot in the door based on based on their status.
There are definitely a lot of whores out there but they make it easy for real men to distinguish real women. Real men do not wife women who have been passed around like a joint. Being a whore is easy–anyone can do it.
"I’ve always found that if you look like you might be about something, or you look like you already got it, women will find you. I mean it makes sense. Nobody wants someone who ain’t doing nothing.” Exactly. (I still haven’t figured out, Garfield, how you can reach that logical conclusion but still say you “agree” with bitter black dude’s “underlying point,” but whatever.)"
maybe because that speaks to "potential" and "ability to attain".
AND
"A woman who wants a man who is “about something,” or who already has it, isn’t a groupie. She’s a woman choosing wisely. "
agreed, so why criticize kat for being the way she is. only difference i see is that she runs her mouth. that speaks to lack of class not groupiedom. the real reason shes catching all this hate, and you alluded to it yourself, is that the groupie in all women need to think highly of these corrupted men and kat and her ilk throwing stones is outside the rules of the game. a game we all play, men included.
choose a woman whos about something? im a man. women get conditioned to look for providers and hard workers. im not looking for a provider or someone to ease some sort of financial burden at some point later in life when i want to have kids @denise. my only requisite is that shes happy and some of that feel good rubs off on me.
i lied. other requisites include a nice body and pretty face. i have to keep it one hundred
Exactly. The key difference is men are up front about these things. Call me shallow,but looks matter. When I met a girl I'm not thinking about how great her personality looks. Looks aren't everything, but they are the only thing I can judge you on when I first meet you
Wow, a song that is a promotion of date rape! As if-SMH -there are not already enough songs out promoting self-destructive, counterproductive, dumb and immoral BS. My people-my people-and people in general. Sometimes we just need to stop! Wow!
Men and women are both driven by shallowness, and materialism, either towards one another or to their own selves. It takes a strong and disciplined mind to look for more, an unfortunately, most of us aren't capable of doing so.
The reality is, how many of these women of color have scored lucrative deals the same way in which the Kim Kardashian's of the world have? Zero! These women get 15 minutes of fame that nets them millions of dollars. No matter how hard a "sistah" tries, it's not going to happen. Their stock quotient and value is not that high by society and their videos will only be free porn for all to watch. Basketball wives is a joke, but there is an audience out there who aspires to be the arm candy of a "baller" in the near future. Whatever happened to getting your own?
And your comment is exactly what's up because it is the sad and hard truth-when it is all said and done!
This whole culture (though not new) of "Sex as a Weapon…and a Pay-Out" is problematic and mind-numbing. For there to actually be women who aspire only to be side-chicks or baby's mommas or mistresses or groupies gives some of these men a license to behave deplorably toward women in general.
I'll never forget years ago going out dancing with friends to celebrate our last final and the end of a rugged semester and being called out of my name by a (noteable) guy because I wasn't interested in his brand of foolery. Was he successful? Indeed. Famous? Sure. But He felt justified in showing such disrespect toward me though, because he'd always had at his disposal women to disrespect….who allowed it to happen, and how dare I, Susy Average, be (annoyed) resistant or uninterested.
Now, I'm not excusing the behaviors of this person or any man with jaded or mysogynistic views, but the reality is whether the end result is money or not, this whole gold-digger epidemic doesn't bode well for these "vixens" in the end, and it doesn't bode well for women in general. Those of us with higher aspirations have enough to deal with without being categorized with the exceptions (not the rule) who seek to fleece men of all their worldly goods and unmentionables for a quick come-up.