Women start relationships with a “representative”, it is a fact so remember it. The representative is a woman who assumes the role of your perfect chick, she likes what you like, she is open-minded and she is tolerant. Once the woman is comfortable with you (basically after you have had sex), the representative floats away and you get a die-toss in favor of who you really just spent the night with. Your open-minded, free spirit could turn into a closed-minded, manipulative airhead in less than a month. Women are like a box of chocolates (even the sexy ones with cute bangs or soft afro-puffs), you never know what you’re gonna get.
First impressions are a motherf—, I mean seriously. I went through a relationship with a woman who was the stereotypical archetype of the immature, modern woman (the negative version). A buddy of mine was going through the same thing so we used to swap notes and laugh on how these two girls could be twins. They were both young, attractive, had degrees and had similar unrealistic views of the world through an Oprah tinted lens.
My friend and I used to post our episodes with these women on a secret message board to swap notes with other black men about the drama they would put us through. Last night I went back to the forums to look up some old posts, being that they have always juicy and interesting, (I’ve found myself on dead nights reading random posts about a guy’s first date, his impression of her and then the following dates afterwards leading to either the break-up or success). This particular night I stumbled upon a post by my friend, lets call him Roy for the sake of this blog. Roy’s first impression of his soon-to-be nightmare girlfriend Tomika.
The first post was Roy’s introduction of her and a few images. He proceeded to tell us of how they met since she lived in another state (he took time off to fly to New York to see her). The girl was beautiful and the guys on the forum, myself included were not shy in telling him this. Here is a post by yours truly and another poster on how we felt about the pics:
Greg Dragon: “she is fine dude, omg I didn’t know you were dabbling with queen material… plus from what you told me I am not far off my mark here. Mad Props Roy, she is a cutee!”
Shorty: “That’s a pretty azz woman, bro. She’s so purty, her picture looks almost airbrushed”
He seemed genuinely happy with her until… as he put it (which was my sentiment with my girl at the time) “The more she opened her mouth, the more we drifted apart”. For you 30-something yr old bachelors out there I know you have been through this with the younger 20 yr old women (not all): Pretty girl, educated, decent job… Opts to quit said job to find herself via some method that is obviously stupid (like quitting a job prior to securing a nest egg or another job to carry yourself) or “taking time off” because she needs it. Which is like “whatever” to us, but then she pines on it daily as if it was the greatest decision in the world and how you MUST back her up on it. Most of the time this decision turns into a huge setback leading to a 50k a year job being given up to being replaced with a 25k a year job after they have “found themself”. It also leads to extra bitterness, especially since you (the guy) probably tried talking her out of it, so now she feels like an idiot.
Both of our girls had these issues and the following ideals:
1.) They must appear acceptable to everyone’s eyes
2.) They won’t do anything that would be considered strange or uncool in case someone should see and talk about them
3.) We were chosen as boyfriends based solely on our looks and assets, it makes them look good (remember its all about them)
Even writing this brings back annoying memories but when he and I talk about these two exes, it is hard to believe that at one point I was calling his chick ”queen material”. It shows how worthless looks are, especially for young airheaded women. So give this a try on your next date with a chick who “looks” like she could be your queen. Write down your thoughts on her looks, attitude and how she is all that to you,. Write it down and tuck it away for later. It will make you laugh a few months later when her “representative” goes away and the real chick reveals herself. It will help curb your expectations too. Try contrasting your gut reaction at first sight to your tolerance of her emasculating comments now. It will make the dumping a lot smoother my friends. Trust me.
Article by Greg Dragon
Greg Dragon is an entrepreneur, artist and writer from the Florida area. He is also the owner and Chief Editor to The Hall of The Black Dragon, an online men's magazine aimed at teaching men how to be "gentlemen" and giving advice on love and relationships. Being willingly single and agnostic keeps "The Dragon's" opinions fresh and different within any article, discussion or debate, offering up a "3rd" point of view that most people tend to miss.
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Interesting read. I think you already kinda know what’s coming:
“Men have representatives too. What about them?”
“You’re unfairly portraying women.”
Now that we got that out of the way, I can say I enjoyed reading it. I never had had these kind of experiences…I pride myself on being able to see through any “reps”…I wanna talk to the manager!
This was a very interesting article. I concur with AG. I’m going to have to try your method of seeing through the Representatives. I believe my girlfriend is reaching this point. Let’s see what happens……. I’m interested to see the comments that are going to come from this. Ha!
Yeah, I am lucky to be able to read people pretty well from a first meeting. It’s the little things that let people know what you are out to get and if you have any crazy tendencies.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
The represenative is usually pretty shallow.
I think most people just choose to overlook things because the person looks good/is good at secs.
I agree and I think this applicable to everyone, yeh I said everyone!
I believe it’s a bigger deal in women, because unlike females who want a relationship to grow/evolve into something bigger from the get-go, men want relationships to stay the same as they were for as long as possible (i.e. this is why commitment sucks!)
I think it’s ok, as long as the change isn’t drastic. Like my boy used to date a girl who a dimepiece, flat chested, low body fat etc. After they had been dating for a couple months, she started to gain weight, didn’t go to the gym, eating a lot of fast food etc. To the outside world of men, this was a thick chick who had a jiggly ass, to my boy, this was his girl, who was putting less and less energy in the bedroom and didn’t want to do anything about it.
Change is usually likely to happen when you deal with a woman, as a guy you either condone it or you don’t. I used to date a girl who was mad chill for a couple months, respected my space, even washed the dishes, but one day she slept over my house and left her tampon in my toilet with blood and didn’t even flush…Whew I cussed her out!!! She didn’t talk to me for a week. I didn’t even apologize…she called and apologized.
exactly – I’m not quite sure why this article calls women out as if they are the only ones that put forth a rep. I can tell you the #s of men that put for the flash and pizazz; whereas the reality is that they are broke. It’s not bad to be broke per se, it’s simply the fact that there is this false image.
I find that men tend to want to love an image of me, vs. me. I’ve got flaws, I don’t fit the typical black american princess from the south that these dudes want to take back to their mama…but dudes will date the hell out of me for the image that I represent. They don’t listen to me. They continue to see what they want to see. Annoys the heck out of me.
lol @ the bathroom incident.
Don’t judge a book by its cover, and thats what mofos get for doing so.
Going after younger women based soley on looks and then expecting them to be in full grown woman mode is ridiculous, thats just like these cougars out here expecting young bucks to behave like the distinguished cats, some things only come with age and experience……its a set up if you are looking for anything really outside of the physical and/or more than they are capable of.
BINGO.
We could fault the folks doing magic tricks…but we could also fault the fools that believe in magic.
LOL
Oh yeah, be clear girls have awesome reps… However, most women who are in touch with themselves don’t do it…then again, most men find those women too much LOL
I agree 1000% LOL!
People change over time. Once a person gets comfortable, there are a lot of things that no longer concern them. I agree with many of the above comments. Both women AND men put forth representatives. We need to be realistic. Representatives do not only apply to relationships but in many other aspects in life. First impressions are essential and you need to put your best foot forward at all times. I can admit that I have changed over the four years that I have been with my beau. Time changes things. I will also admit that I put a lot of things on the table at first so my changes were not a shock to him. I have no time for foolywang and I made him WELL aware of that before we got serious. Honesty is the best policy. Lying about who you are rarely works. ESPECIALLY if you’re interested in going for the long haul. I quit school because of recess. I DON’T PLAY GAMES!!!!!
lol at that picture of Kim Kardashian. cool read. i do the rep thing too. all charming and what not, but Im really an A-hole.
“Most of the time this decision turns into a huge setback leading to a 50k a year job being given up to being replaced with a 25k a year job after they have “found themself””
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Lmao my wife is doing this shit right now..smh
I told her I got her back, but that’s just shit you say lol. She better not take this other job. Work hard now, so we can kick back later.
Hold up folks!!!! People are defining the “representative” thing all wrong.
If someone represented you, you want them to tell the TRUTH about you. Maybe not the whole truth, but the TRUTH. If anything portrayed at the beginning is false, that’s not representing, that’s lying. If at the beginning the girl provides certain sexual favors, or cooks and cleans – or the guy pays for this and that – that should NOT ever end. Otherwise, you are not representing, you are fronting. Straight up.
Putting your best foot forward is different from putting someone else’s foot forward. Everyone understands that we learn the bad stuff about each other later on…but the good stuff better still be true, otherwise why go on?
I will assert that women do this more than men and here is my reasoning: As a man, I look for a woman I can be myself around. Instead of fronting that I have money, I go and get degrees or sell crack so that I can HAVE money. I know that once I lose my money she can bounce – so I’m likely to make sure the money is sustainable. Men might learn pick-up lines or whatever, but we are far more vested in the “pursuit” aspect of dating so for most of us the things that we use to pull women are HABITS that we continue without much effort. Most women I have met will admit that their man doesn’t change – the problem is that after you get married or in a relationship she feels like certain things that used to be OK are not okay anymore…and we’re like WTF? (See heels, working out, make-up, hair styles, oral sex, etc etc)
Yet and still, I would argue that women HAVE to fake or front at first – and have always done so. Let’s just use the analogy of a bunny being hunted buy a hunter with ONE bullet. You just need to LOOK like a bunny; after the bullet is shot he’s stuck with you (in the past this was marriage or pregnancy). The problem today is that men have machine guns and the bullet manufacturer says, “catch your dream bunny, or get free refils.” With a legal system that goes hard for child support, men who can afford it divorce the women and move on. Fathers don’t even try to make the couples stay together. Notice that men often leave women for someone that does stuff she not only doesn’t do, but stuff she USED to do.
IC
Funny read, lol….but, honestly everyone has a representative, its after the sweet honeymoon of a few dates and some sex that all those short comings start unfolding….like my uncle once said “you can’t hide you for to long” and I’ll be damned if it aint the truth…if we were to be our original selves off the bat we could never catch who we are attracted to so in the beginning we have to sell a bill of goods to make ourselves look “pleasing to the eye”…
Referring to both men & women Tyler Perry said it best. “When someone shows you there true colors…BELIEVE THEM!”
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