The other night, I was gossiping talking to a girlfriend about a mutual friend of ours and his new-ish boo-piece. The dude is pretty dope. Very smart, highly educated and very well-read. Cultured and well-traveled but not obnoxious about it. He reads books and plays sports. Has good taste in music and movies. Attractive and well-hung built. And he’s funny. He is, for lack of a better word, a great guy.
Now booski on the other hand is just…meh. She’s a pretty girl, but in an entirely unspectacular way. Okay body dressed in the most generic offerings ever put forth by the regular girl trifecta of Old Navy/The Gap/Banana Republic. She’s smart enough to follow the conversation when we all hang but seemingly without the ability to contribute to it. She’s not funny but she’s able to understand a joke and laugh unassumingly at it. Neither particularly friendly nor particular stand-offish. The kind of girl that you don’t mind having around but who you don’t miss when she’s absent. She’s not a reader or a sports fan and her taste in television shows is more The City than Lost, more The Hills than True Blood. Musically she’s strictly Top 40. In short, she’s just….regular.
Before hooking up with this girl, our buddy had been single for a long time. And being the kind of friends who like to discuss things repeatedly and ad nauseam, I had heard many times his spiel about how he was looking for exactly the right woman. While this guy is not arrogant in any sense of the word, he’s well aware that he’s a bit of a catch and was holding out for a woman who was a match for him. So the day he announced that he was bringing “someone for us to meet” to one of our hang out sessions, imagine our surprise when he showed up with a girl who was just…regular.
This is a phenomenon I’ve witnessed too many times. I’m fortunate to have a lot of dynamic men in my life; some exes, some cousins, some friends. And it seems that 99% of the time that these dudes wife up, the girl is just…milquetoast. Meanwhile my most interesting, most dynamic, funniest and coolest female friends remain perpetually single with ladyflowers drying up under the hot sun of celibacy.
What is up with that?
Being the loud mouths type of people we are, as soon as the opportunity arose my girl and I began to hammer our buddy with questions about her; progressing quickly through the polite “where did you meet/how did you get together” stuff and getting straight to the point – why her? His answer basically boiled down to that she was easy. Not easy in the sense of being a mattress, but easy in the sense of being drama free. Accommodating. Undemanding.
Well colour me high-maintenance, but I would shoot myself in the head if “easy” was my boyfriend’s reason for being with me.
I’m aware now that pretty girls have a bad rep for being too much work…but is this also true about interesting girls? Smart girls? Funny girls? Stylish girls? Is a woman who is accommodating and easy but lacks a discernible personality really so preferable to one who might give you an occasional headache but who can excite you with her intellect or cajole you out of a bad mood with her humour? Should we as women stop focusing on being interesting and start working on being obsequious?
My informal twitter poll last night didn’t yield any conclusive answers (sidebar: do you guys love how I always say “informal twitter poll” as if it’s possible to have a “formal” poll on twitter??). There was a fair amount of people who mistook my definition of “regular” to mean pretty; therefore there were a fair amount of knee-jerk responses suggesting that the man has matured enough to value compatibility over looks. But don’t get it twisted – pretty girls can be regular too. Being regular isn’t about looks; to me it comes down to this: if someone asked me what you’re like and I can’t come up with five adjectives to describe your personality, you’re regular. Because you have no distinguishing characteristics.
But anyway…what do you guys think? Is this dynamic guy-regular chick phenomenon one you’ve noticed before? Or is this just saltiness on the part of an interesting chick who can’t find someone to take her to the outdoor movies at Harbourfront one of those things that can’t be understood when you’re looking at a relationship from the outside? Is there an inverse of this – dynamic women wifing regular dudes? And my gentleman – have you ever wifed a regular girl? Illuminate me in the comments.
Article by Max
Max is the perpetually single girl who gives great relationship advice. Offering up her (bad) dating experiences – and those of her unsuspecting friends – as comedy for her readers, she doles out her own special brand of relationship logic at www.max-logic.com
Max has written 45 article(s) for us.
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What I find interesting is that "you" dont like the girl because she is quiet and regular. I'm more of a quiet/regular person who is drama free. Personally I'm an Old Navy kind of girl who doesn't dress to impress women (ie. designer shoes & etc….men dont care as long as you look nice)
Why are you criticizing her so hard? It's not really your job to like her, but to be happy he found someone who makes him happy. Drama is not attractive no matter how beautiful you are. And maybe thats exactly what your friend needs, some one who makes him smile & keeps him relaxed. I'm a Hills girl, relaxed, pretty quiet, Old Navy wearing type of gal……..& me and the hubby have a blast…….designer clothes doesn't make the girl
My question for the author though….is if he is so great, how come you didn't end up with him? Its just some thing I was wondering as I was reading this piece.
I was thinking this too.
I'm also a quiet/regular girl who is drama free.
How do you know chick isn't reserved or uncomfortable around people she doesn't know? Why is being "easygoing and unassuming" a bad thing?
Maybe there's something to chilling out, taking it day by day, and being selective about the people you choose to open up to, instead of being so brash.
Life shouldn't have to be that complicated.
- Team Booed Up Regular Chicks
How come everyone is making the assumption that a)regular = drama free and b)interesting = drama?
You guys don't know any interesting women who aren't dramatic? Or regular girls who wreak havoc everywhere they go?
Maybe over at Team Booed Up Regular Chicks it's okay for a man to find your "easiness" the most compelling thing about you but over here on Team Single and Fabulous I'd prefer to be valued for my mind or my wit or my values. Sorry if that makes me drama.
"How come everyone is making the assumption that a)regular = drama free and b)interesting = drama?"
No one is making that assumption. "Easy/regular" doesn't mean docile or uninteresting, it means we're more reserved in how we communicate and interact with others.
Like someone said below, people who meet me for the first time see me as quite, shy, "unstylish" maybe even in dumb. They don't know that I graduated from a top 10 university, have people in the upper levels of government in my cell phone who I work with and talk to both in business and casually, have thousands in investment accounts, have a bookshelf with well read volumes of books on everything from ancient civilizations to the effects of social media on today's society, etc.
People who don't know me aren't going to be privy to all of what I do or know until I REALLY get to know them, and even then it's something that comes up when relevant (like when watching Jeopardy or something like that).
Team Booed Up Regular Chicks are able to handle things like the above, but not make it all of what we're about. The things noted above have nothing to do with how to be in/have a good relationship.
When I'm with my dood, I don't want to go out, spend money on stuff, have him paying for me, go to clubs and parties, so on and so forth. Our idea of a good time is sleeping in, watching movies and playing video games on the couch, making food together, looking up stuff on wikipedia, etc.
“His answer basically boiled down to that she was easy. Not easy in the sense of being a mattress, but easy in the sense of being drama free.”
This is where the whole “drama free” discussion came from.
You equated regular with “easy”, which according to the above statement = drama free.
For the record, at no point did I say I did not like the girl.
I'm re-reading the post now and am hard-pressed to see what I said about her that is so critical. I said she was pretty. I said she had an okay body. I said she was smart enough. That to me is descriptive, not critical.
It's so interesting to me that women who identify as regular are quick to lash out at me for calling someone else regular.
Oh and p.s. I'm not with the dude because I am not easy.
@max you equated regular with wearing old navy and being laid back, and watching the Hills. Also your argument basically states that liking those things (which I do) are sub par to you (no offense taken, its your opinion). No one is "lashing out" on you personally, but your writing and how you came to your conclusions. It seems as if she did not fit your "standards" so therefore based on what you know about your friend, she shouldn't fit his standards. I'm a pretty easy going, relaxed person and I'm grateful for my life & my partner.
You judged the girl from your standards and didn't seem supportive enough because she wasn't like you or your friends………who you stated were single. Now she's taken…….so which is better? Single & loud, out going, lively (so you describe) or Happy, in a loving relationship and relaxed, laid back?
It’s almost like you are the hypothetical girlfriend in this article. LOL!!!
This article really sparked my interest about you?
And I could say part of the problem you might have is you're somewhat narcissistic when it comes to relationships. Before you start going off in spirals and start telling me that I don't know you, let's find out.
I would like you to write a list of all the things that you bring to the table that (and this is very important) A MAN WILL CONSIDER VALUABLE TO HIMSELF. I'm hoping that you don't give me a regular answer (since you've stated several times in various blog entries including this one that you are far from regular). A regular answer usually consists of a woman, listing all the things that she considers valuable to herself or listing values that a guy should have that she considers valuable, but what I'm asking for is what you have which is valuable to the guy, not to yourself. Let's see how well you can do this task.
Other women can try to do this too, by the way. You might actually learn something about yourselves.
I will gladly give you a list – but first can you explain to me how I – a person who a)is not in a relationship and b)does not want to be in a relationship – am narcissistic about relationships? Because I clearly missed something.
Let's see how well you can do this task.
Ok fine.
What I mean by being narcissistic about relationships, is that from what I’ve gotten from you, this posts and other posts you have on your blogs, your mentality about relationships is what is the guy offering me. I went thru a couple of your other blogs, including the What I won’t do for a date and I get the sense that you have a queen/ diva like mentality, which whether or not you’re in a relationship, affects your perspective of what they are.
Now can I get that list?
hes not going to tell you the heads mind blowing, or that she worships the ground he walks on, or be able to explain in adequate words the spark that makes it work between them. easy isnt necessarily obsequious. it could just be everything clicks. works. he feels most himself with her. you never know with relationships between two human beings. to keep it one hundred, this blog seems tinged with hate towards this girl and the type of dude you wish you could land or keep.
he should tell 'em the truth so that maybe they will step their games up.
“tinged with hate towards this girl and the type of dude you wish you could land or keep”
I think “inundated,” “saturated,” “dry-rubbed and marinated” with hate would be a more accurate way to describe it.
Consider a few things:
Maybe being extraordinarily beautiful, sexy, smart, stylish, etc DOESN'T make up for drama?
Maybe many dramatic women think that having traits ALREADY POSSESSED by the man will compensate for this? (wrong of them)
I am just like the guy you described and this might be my future. For a guy who is already all of the above, at first it seems like I should have someone like me. Until I realize she comes with other stuff. Then I conclude I should have someone who is "smart enough to follow the conversation" and APPRECIATES me without bringing drama. I also observed, that as a lover of many types of music, that a "strictly top 40" girl will be more open minded to the odd genres I listen to (anything is potentially top 40).
You ask "Should we as women stop focusing on being interesting and start working on being obsequious?" – but I just looked up the word "obsequious" and the woman you described is not obsequious. DRAMA-FREE and "characterized by or showing servile complaisance or deference" are not the same.
Women should work not on being drama free in general….just drama free TO THEIR MEN. It makes no sense that women treat their male friends better than their BOYFRIENDS. No sense at all.
Much like everybody who already commented, I think this blog has a tinge of hatred towards the seemingly 'regular' girl while all you 'extraordinary girls and extraordinary friends are…well single. You've touted the eligible bachelorness of your friend and his ability to basically do what he wanted and wait out someone he deemed worthy of his time. And instead of being happy that your friend is happy, you're upset because you don't see anything redeemable about her.
And that's the problem. You don't SEE anything.
You didn't ask how she made him feel. How he feels around her. How comfortable she probably makes him. Maybe she's a gifted cook. Maybe she plays video games. Maybe she sucks his dick til his toes curl and he hollers for Jesus. Maybe she rolls the weed just the way he likes it. Maybe you didn't ask any of this. Maybe you know all of this and you're just stuck on the way she looks. *shrugs*
In any event, unspectacular as she may be, she obviously caught herself a good man. And assuming you're single, perhaps you should take a lesson or two to find out how she snagged such a good man so that you and your friends may find yourselves one as well.
Yes. The regular chick wins with men. The other things aren't a draw. They don't need to have a conversation with or be entertained by their girl. I've never asked why. I just accept it and move on. I like my shiny stuff. And I haven't been in a Gap since SJP shilled for them and I wanted her hat.
And I love that you said milquetoast. That's always my go to adjective in these situations. Heh.
im sure he just sits and looks at his 6/10 girl and doesnt have any type of conversation.
tomorrow ill read a post about guys always going for the the light skinned long haired high maintence chicks. written by a chocalote sister of course. right. its not you, its them. sigh. carry on.
I didn't say it wasn't me. I know I'm a lot. My Twitter bio states that I'm a handful. I know this. And I love who I am and don't plan on changing just so that I can get a man. My father would rise from the dead and beat my ass like that time when I was 11 and told my flute teacher to kiss my ass. Lol.
I wasn't bemoaning shit. I'm not blaming dudes for it. We all need to do what makes us happy.
lmao get em…
Lol, you’re wrong for that comment. But I completely get it, and agree with you.
This article is nothing but hate for the so-called “regular” girl who got the guy the author wants. His girlfriend sounds nice, easy-going, pretty (if not “spectacular” enough for the author) and frankly a lot like what many men seem to want in a spouse. Being “extra” and “sassy” is not for everyone, and honestly past a certain age it’s just ridiculous to display that kind of constant “on” behavior. Just be a person. Be regular, down to earth, and yes “easy” sometimes. Makes life less dramatic and more comfortable.
lmao.
You should ask why, however, ignorance is bliss.
"Being “extra” and “sassy” is not for everyone, and honestly past a certain age it’s just ridiculous to display that kind of constant “on” behavior. "
Exactly!
Throughout my 20s, the ideology was that we had to have the "baddest bitch" on our arms. Well, into your 30s you realize just what that means. The outspoken, mouthy, high maintenance slick talking fabulous women act gets old and a man sacrifices his sanity trying to appease her every whim. However, men are just like water: path of least resistance. If the plain jane chick give him peace then that is a plus. If she doens't have to argue about every single thing or bring a lot of drama around so that she feels she has something to do in the relationship, that's a plus. If she looks good enough to go out with but has other redeeming qualities like Garfield said, that is enough. Not necessarily less is more but a lot of us want an easy going companion that appreciates us without us feeling like we start out losing (as is the case for pretty broads).
Easy on old boy. His 6/7 chick server a purpose without extra bullshit. I always applaud cats like this who find happiness.
Interesting post Max…the comments are…um…different.
As an interesting, sometimes narcissistic (to keep it 100), intelligent, pretty lady…I have no problems dating great guys so I'm not sure why everyone is downing the women who are 8/9/10s..
Here's the thing. YOU think that girl is not a 8/9/10. HE, her MAN, probably thinks otherwise. Because he is with her. And happy. So…why are his female friends all up in arms because this girl is not someone that THEY think is on "their" level in terms of fashion, TV interests and "spectacular" prettiness? (Sideline: That "unspectacular" pretty thing bothers me. How many woman are truly spectacular looking? Maybe 2% of the world's population. I suspect the author isn't so spectacular herself. And men value different things in looks anyway.)
The young woman may have plenty going on, she just doesn't feel the need to flash it all for the author and her crew. She only needs to impress her man. Obviously, she's done something right, maybe the author should look to her as a positive example, rather than trying to put her down for being "regular." No one is downing the so-called 8/9/10 girls. Haven't seen that anywhere. People are downing the author for judging her friend's new woman as being somehow not worthy based on extremely shallow reasons.
The comment section is specfically referencing the so-called "normal" woman as a 6/7 and then proceeding to slam anyone who perceives themselves beyond that. What happened to live and let live?
Also what is this "YOU" business about? I haven't a problem with the normal woman…I don't believe I even mentioned her.
I more am looking at the bashing of the women who perceive themselves to be 8/9/10 in the comments as if it's a bad thing.
Really…two paragraphs?
Yes, really. 2 paragraphs. I don’t see anyone bashing women who think they are 8/9/10s. I see people annoyed by the author judging that girl who frankly, sounds lovely. I consider myself a 9, FWIW, and I take no offense to any of the comments. Not sure where you are seeing this “bashing.”
I don’t even think she was talking about looks. I think people are more or less talking about the attitude behind thinking that someone isn’t interesting when they aren’t even dating that someone. LOL
Well…I’m not talking about just looks with the number 8/9/10. You have to have a fabulous personality to go with the rest of you to be suggested as such in my book.
We all think some people aren’t interesting or are boring. Heck, are you trying to tell me you’ve never had a friend (male or female) bring someone around who was an utter bore? If not then lucky you!
LOL Well I’m a Leo! I tend to bring out the wild and crazy in people. Plus you and I are FB/Twitter friends, you would literally have to hate life to be quite around me. And in that case, I’m probably not around you!
But yes, I know what you mean. Sure some people are boring. But unless I’m having manjangled relations with that person I don’t know how deep that boring rabbit hole goes.
I’m cracking myself up today.
Call me crazy but saying your mate is "easy" isn't necessarily a bad thing.
My boyfriend is easy to be with and he would say the same about me. Our chemistry is off the charts- we just click.
In my opinion, being with someone that is "easy" equates to a laidback, drama-free (for the most part), "it just feels right" relationship.
I understand the guy's point. A relationship should not be stressful ALL of the time. Don't get me wrong, no relationship is perfect, but a man (or woman for that matter) should not have to constantly deal with or put up with crap from their significant other.
I'm sorry but it seems like you're hating. If your friend is happy and his girl treats him right, why are you up in arms? Also, from what I read it seems like you don't know this girl very well to brand her as "regular". I don't wear designer clothes, I listen to a lot of mainstream music and I'm non confrontational but I don't consider myself to be regular. Maybe the girl was silent during your conversations because she got a jacked up vibe from you and from reading this article, I don't blame her. She could like Australian polka music, cook bacon naked and be able to recite the Canterberry Tales backwards for all you know. Do we need to learn how to be obsequious? No. But a lot of us could stand to tone it down and stop acting like argumentative battle axes.
obsequious wouldn't hurt.
If you want a obsequious woman, get someone pregnant and hope you have a daughter.
Please, the only women with a problem with being obsequious are western women who then bemoan the fact they are alone in their thirties.
Like I always say, the majority of women in this part of the world are completely out of sync with the DESIRES of men. That's why they think the way they do.
A lot of them need lessons in the practicality of manhood – I would recommend listening to Patrice Oneal.
And what did Patrice O’Neal say? I’d look for myself but I’m using a school computer…lol. Don’t want to get kicked out for some NSFW isht.
Nah he is just a comedian
So I have to find myself a second daddy? And men have to order women around in order for the relationship to be successful? I think not.
not at all you are free as U.S. American to make any lifestyle choices you desire and it may work out for you but the advice I give is for the dealing with 95% of the straight men you are going to encounter.
Have a nation full of female doormats doesn't necessarily make the other cultures better. Hell, the way I see it, if you do something stupid, be prepared to face the consequences. If you try to be a man's mama, be prepared to be alone. But I don't endorse that "sit down, shut up, cook and suck my dick" shit. I'm all for giving my man his peace of mind among other things….
i didn't even think of sit down. Like I said you are free to have any type of relationship you can get somebody to agree to . All we ask as men is the same courtesy. If you aren't willing to "shut up, cook, and suck my dick what is wrong with me finding one of the hundreds of millions of women who are .
Nothing is wrong with you finding any woman who accomodates your taste, but you shouldn’t assume that there aren’t men in the Western society who enjoy the company of woman who is not a doormat. My man happens to love the fact that I’m a little fiesty and know how to communicate my wants. So do a lot of my male friends.
where did I say that there aren't ?
WOW. I could not help but laugh at your comment. If you know what you want, find it. I prefer not to judge those who are unlike me. I do not have a docile bone in my body and I and my beau are very comfortable with that. I do however recognize his needs and I do not mind assuring that they are met. If he's hungry, i'll cook. If the dishes are dirty, i'll clean them. My only problem is when people make assumptions that it's the woman's obligation to complete those tasks. That's an entirely different topic though so I digress.
As for this post, interesting. Support your friend and allow him to enjoy his relationship. "One man's trash is another man's treasure". He needs your support, not your criticism.
is that directed at me?
Ashleigh I get the same vibe from Max too, this article makes me think that she and her ilk are the women who 10 minutes into your first date you just sit back silently as they go on and on and on (been there).Your point on her not knowing the woman is mine as well, some people have tact when out and about. She could very well be that "in your face bish" when she's around friends and lover but chooses to keep it professional when out and about.
"She could like Australian polka music, cook bacon naked and be able to recite the Canterberry Tales backwards for all you know." <— Scary
Exactly. They probably don’t know her. She’d probably be a completely different person around girlfriends and her boo.
“She could like Australian polka music, cook bacon naked and be able to recite the Canterberry Tales backwards for all you know.” <— Scary"
I was trying to make a point! lol
This made me laugh. I mean.. I totally cackled.
Most men hate drama, especially after 30 so you that may be the reasoning. I often answer the question "what kind of women do you go for Greg?" with the answer of "the ones who won't annoy me". Most of my friends have nice, calm and collected, quiet girlfriends and wives, when we see a person who is loud, full of drama or "exciting" as you put it, we run the other way. The last thing a guy wants is a woman who could potentially turn into loud obnoxious, psycho girlfriend. I think when you have a strong personality it can come off as scary to us men, you also have to look at things from our perspective and not your own as a female. Women may find that crazy, chatty girl to be smart and funny but to the guy in the table next to you he may see her as just simply loud.
My current girl is crazy but that's because she loves dancing, karaoke, playing games and having intelligent arguments, I know this because I'm with her. Ask anybody outside of our bubble and they will tell you that she is a quiet, reserved and nerdy type of girl. See there is a difference in perception and a woman who is perceived as a loudmouth can and will turn off many guys.
Yeh a lot of girls associate being quiet as being docile. To guys, it's not that we're looking for a girl who doesn't have an opinion or someone we will never argue with, we're just looking for somebody who doesn't make us want to kill them when we do.
Plus men dig energy, but mostly when it is used constructively. A girl who is great at public speaking that can openly discuss ideas and suggestions and applies logic in discourse is extraordinary. A chick who can't shut-up and is always talking about her girlfriends' problems and things that she can't wait to buy the next time she goes to the mall, is not.
EXACTLY!! Me and your girlfriend must be long lost twins or something. I'm shy and quiet to people I don't know but around friends, it's on and poppin'! lol.
“dancing, karaoke, playing games and having intelligent arguments,”
This sounds like my pre-shower ritual. LMAO
It's hard to tell why someone likes someone or why someone doesn't like someone. I mean, I dont even always know why *I* like someone over someone else, but that's just how it is. It's like the quote says: "The heart has reasons that reason knows nothing of." On the surface some relationships have drawn a huge question mark to me. However, I know people value different things and sometimes what I assume a man values in a woman is not what he actually values. My guy friend's girl may be "regular" to me, but she could be nothing short of extraordinary to him. I just know that when I'm with someone, I like him for him…whether or not other people think he's "regular" or beneath me or whatever is of little concern to me.
Okay. I was really trying to respond to each comment individually but I can't. So let me just say this to all of you:
1. I am not judging the relationship. I am asking why a man who said he wanted x,y,z decided to opt for a,b,c.
2. Can any one of you commenters who are touting the appeal of "drama-free" above all other attributes please explain to me why a woman can't be both interesting and drama-free?
3. I am not interested in this dude.
4. I am not hating, up in arms, angry, indignant, bitter, or anything other than curious about this phenomenon.
Thats the thing though, a lot of quiet, drama-free women ARE interesting. There’s a lot going on privately that the public isn’t privy to when they see a boring looking girl. I’d rather have a dove that sings beautifully in the morning than a peacock who craps all over the house.
may i steal that last sentence? thanks
People going in on Max
Well, thanks for posting, Max. It was an interesting article. I agree with some of the sentiments I’ve seen in the above comments. Maybe he likes “regular” girls. It is important that we’re clear about “regular”. You may see it as mundane or ordinary. For him, it may mean stable or someone with an even temperament. Those things are valuable to many men. I know some women may think this means he wants someone he can walk all over or dominate, but he may just not want to feel like he’s entering a gladiator pit every time he walks through his front door 
this post is the female of equivalent of a black dude explaining why he dates white chicks. there you have male = pursuer complaining about his choices.
versus this post: female = pursued complaining his choices.
always the other persons fault.
Also, this “Being the loud mouths type of people we are” may be part of the reason why you and your girls are single. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are 25+, the loud chick thing is not cute. From what I hear, it’s a big turn off to the type of man you seem to want.
I caught that the 2nd time I read that. And then I realized that she described herself as “perpetually single” and well…the dots started connecting.
I see why the author is perpetually single. First male standards for attractiveness and female standards are very different and women tend to overvalue themselves in the looks department( when was the last time you met a girl who would rank herself a 5 on the beauty scale) . Second, men value cooperation . All that loud talk and opinions may make you interesting to your girlfriends but it is not what we are interested. I bet his girl is doing what 90% of the females of today aren’t doing which is keeping his stomach full, his ball empty , and her mouth shut.
@blackchild if you wrote a book I'd read it.
I'm trying to do the research for one on the international sex climate for Black men. So men will know where women are choosing. Right now I'm gathering info on the Ukraine.
applause***
I bet her conversation isn't even as erudite as she thinks either. If a gaggle of hens started to cackle about Lost or True Blood and the latest E.Lynn Harris tome I wouldn't have much to contribute either. I mean maybe she is sitting there thinking these boring bitches are discussing Sookie Stackhouse so I'm just going to smile and nod.
Usually the most interesting girls I know are bi-sexual, meaning girls that I actually can talk to and be like “Damn, she know what the hell she’s talking about!”
I wonder why?
LMAO I can’t even argue with the last sentence.
I’ll tell you something about men that we value above all else (except probably sex and food) is peace of mind. No man wants to argue incessantly with his woman. For one, that shit is incredibly infuriating because it’s a lose-lose situation and 2) every man on this planet will tell you that sometimes they just want his girl to STFU and let him live his life with as little external friction from his mate as possible.
That doesn’t mean she has to “keep her mouth shut,” but I’m sure when he says she’s ‘easy’ what he really means is, when some shit pops off, she’s not going to turn into a raging screaming lunatic. Maybe she respects the fact that he sometimes wants to be by himself and doesn’t look to him for constant attention and affection. Maybe when they DO argue, she makes rationalized points sans convoluted logic that he’s able to grasp and deal with. She probably doesn’t like to argue and I’d bet her attitude is “it’s not that serious, you made a mistake, we talked about it and the shit is over.” Instead of beating this nigga in the head with the same shit day after day.
Men love that type of easy. Being “easy” doesn’t make you weak. You just do a better job of picking battles. And from the looks of it, this nigga is winning. You and your other loud mouth friends? Sideline hating. Not a good look yo.
I was reading this post to a friend of mine and just caught this comment.
and I quote: "I bet his girl is doing what 90% of the females of today aren’t doing which is keeping his stomach full, his ball empty , and her mouth shut."
Holy mother effing blank stare. Dude are you serious?
You mean, these are the three little things that I need to do to catch and keep a man? Wow. Damn. Wow. I'm gonna have to rethink my whole perspective on relationships…
I think it’s incredibly brave to put your thoughts and opinions in to a blog and release it to an open forum for commentary and criticism, but sometimes I wish that the bloggers featured on this site would just be honest with themselves: the friend that you define as mediocre got the man you wanted, and now you’re pissed off. The reason why you’re friends with the “regular chick” may be the same reason why he chose her as a partner. Think about it
I swear, with “friends” like these….
I've always said people need better friends. That's because I have some honest as hell friends and we all keep it real with each other. FB and Twitter have shown me that people these days do not have real friends. LOL
He’s happy right? You’re his friend right? Then it would seem backflips of joy for him would be in order.
I don’t know if I’m regular or whatever I am. But I do know that for all that I am, I always handle the basics. I cook every night, *cough…*, and I keep the drama to a minimum. Everything else makes our relationship extra awesome.
Regular or “extra” is in the eye of the beholder. And more often than not has nothing to do with the equation if the basics aren’t being handled.
But also to some of the other commentators, you have to give credit where credit is due. Max has stated that she’s in no rush to end the single life and she’s pleased to be who she is and how she is, no matter her status. Likewise Melissa is echoing those same sentiments. Can’t fault that. If you’re not willing to shift (whenever people say ‘change’ stank faces come out) for companionship, then be happy how you are.
Max, here’s your answer:
“Max has stated that she’s in no rush to end the single life and she’s pleased to be who she is and how she is, no matter her status. Likewise Melissa is echoing those same sentiments. Can’t fault that. If you’re not willing to shift (whenever people say ‘change’ stank faces come out) for companionship, then be happy how you are.”
Once you understand that certain traits are incompatible with relationships with the opposite sex, accept that you will single [maybe forever]. I have done this for myself. BUT do not complain too much about what the other sex wants or doesn’t want because a lot of it is simply due to them being THE OTHER SEX and will not change. Women outnumber men, so mathematically speaking, they might be in a losing position….that scale continues to tip more.
While I may casually wonder – I don’t really question why two people are together. Namely because most of the guys I’ve dated appeared to be one way, but when I got to know them, they weren’t all that folks thought. So assumptions based on how folks present themselves could be different than who they are. Maybe she’s way more dope than she outwardly seems. Who knows – but as long as their happy kudos to love!
I don’t think we should criticize the author here. I think this observation is simple though a little judgmental. Men often do date women who seemingly have less in common with them. And some women just want to know why? However, I also believe we need to stop entering relationship with this sense of competitiveness. That the man and woman must be equivalent in accomplishments and interests. So what if he’s super successful and she’s not?
I have parents who have been married for decades and I always say it’s something women in the past did right that our generation may be doing wrong. You don’t have to completely serve the man and lose yourself but it may be nice to just relax and let the relationship grow naturally. You can not measure compatibility solely on how much you have in common.
Confidence is not being overbearing and causing drama. It is being comfortable with yourself. Perhaps, this “regular” girl is.
“Men often do date women who seemingly have less in common with them. And some women just want to know why?”
I think this is often discussed quite a bit on here. It just often times is not what people want to hear.
“You don’t have to completely serve the man and lose yourself but it may be nice to just relax and let the relationship grow naturally.”
Absolutely. This becomes a struggle for women because there are some women who just happen to love cooking. And other women look down on them for desiring to do this and considering them a doormat when it’s not that at all.
Some men are foodies and would be in the kitchen with you (wink).
#nomomnomom!
I cook cuz I love to eat. LOL
A man ultimately wants a dime-piece; but NEEDS a woman who provides solace FOR HIM from the troubles of the world – save the drama for someone else. All the men (ahletes, rappers) who have tried dimes that do this marry them; but most dimes don't do this so they get replaced by their "inferiors". How many times will this happen before you ladies wake up?
There's a picture of Usher up on this page. Almost all Rappers are married to, or have kids by not-so-attractive women. I assert that it's because women often think that you are blessed to be in their presence ("you ain't shyt"). The prettier, the worse. This manifests itself in all sorts of behaviors already cited here. Unfortunately, only the not-so-attractive ones behave as if THEY too are blessed to be in YOUR presence and that is something all people NEED.
JG said it best. Men have been ranting on this site but these women won't listen. They just get mad at Blackchild, Greg Dragon and Bitterblackdude. The only thing different about them is their presentation/wording which is rough – they're usually right about the male perspective. You want to understand men? Pay attention to what they say – even if you don't like it.
My name is Idu Charles and I approved this message.
I gotta co-sign my man right here good comment!
It is true what you said about Blackchild, Greg, and BBD. A lot of these women who don't know no better think its anger, but in the world of men, passion and truth are always expressed in some form of anger. Ever heard of Malcolm X???
Hey Max. Here’s another idea. Maybe by being “easy” she is NOT regular?
I met a lady wearing an Afro in a club, and just because of that I focused in on her. Maybe she could be like you, but by being different she gets more attention i.e. not single?
I don't feel like going through and nit picking anything so this comment will address everything.
1. To the person defending the post…I understand what you're saying but when you post anything on a blog, you open yourself to criticism. The readers can only go by what they see.
2. Yes, i have an S.o. but best believe everything I say now, would be said if I was single or has been said when I was single.
3. From what I gather from the male commenters and other men, I've asked, most of them just want low drama not a door mat. There are those shut up, cook and suck my dick types but guess what, most of them are probably single as well.
Since folks goin around approving comments… I'll #approve this one. LOL
lol perhaps. But we aren't the ones crying in our martinis because we are 37 upside down on a mortgage, leasing an entry level Mercedes childless alone wondering why the world doesn't recognize how opinionated and fabulous we are. That Sex and the City shit only works in the movies.
What the sam hell did that have to do with me or my comment?
it was in response to most of them … are probably single as well.
“drying up under the hot sun of celibacy.”…HILARIOUS!
You know…somehow I think this post should be about the reality of settling.
I’m just saying.
What does being with a "regular" chick have to do with settling? If that's what he wants, then he's not settling. The reality is that a girl who has to promote how sassy, sexy, smart, stylish she is probably isn't all that she makes herself out to be. Most dudes want a "regular" chick who just knows how to chill and doesn't have to make a scene everywhere they go. And these "regular" chicks usually have all the qualities of the "sassy" one without the un-necessary promotion.
Cheers to everyone who focused on the topic and not on bashing the author. Being single does not change your observation of other people- especially a great guy friend. It’s funny how when people get an S.O. they all of a suddenly want to be holier than thou- let’s see how the tune changes when you’re single.
anyways-I sat around and watched a great guy friend of mine who I know better himself (his words not mine) date these “nothing special” girls and all I could do is shake my head. And yeah I may not know the special things she does for him- BUT I’ve heard him describe a woman (who is now his wife) who really is wonderful and “easy” is not a term he would ever use for her.
And I’m sorry- but if my boyfriend ever described me as “easy” to a friend- be assured that he wouldn’t find me so “easy.”
funny. ive used easy with women and it is the greatest of compliments. when i use it it generally is because things work well. no strain. we both can be our selves. it is comfortable and natural. i think ive used natural and easy interchangeably. you start talking about spending the rest of your life with someone and that is important,
I hear brothas who date white girls using that quite often but I don’t take offense and don’t think they mean the woman is just a quick lay, more like I said before “path of least resistance.” Most fellas I know with girls enjoy her for being “cool.” That means not tripping about trivial shit or starting stuff because she’s bored. Very hard to come by nowadays.
Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe these “nothing special” girls do indeed have special qualities that you can’t see?
I find it funny when some women decide that they are better than others just because they believe they are prettier or whatever. It’s not about being holier than thou…it’s called not judging a book by the cover.
I’m what some people consider a “plain” average chick because I’m not loud or flashy. I have quiet confidence. I don’t need to call attention to myself when I walk into a room. People tend to notice me more BECAUSE I’m not that kind of girl. My clothes tend to be very simple and I try to take care of myself. I make sure my skin is smooth and clear. I prefer natural beauty and subtle charm.
I encounter women like you and this author constantly, who look down on me because I’m not “all that” by their standards, and they wonder why men are tripping over themselves to be with me. Maybe it’s because we “ordinary” girls have more to offer a man besides a sexy body and a pretty face. Have you ever considered that?
I have plenty of deep, funny, and interesting conversations with my husband. There is nothing unexciting or boring about me. It isn’t fair to dismiss “average” women because we have a lot going on, too.
Remember this…a girl that you consider ugly or “nothing special” can take your man if you aren’t holding it down.
hmm.
to the author:
i don't know you, or your male friend. so i can't speak on his mindstate, or how came across in your line of questioning.
but after thinking about this, lemme throw out a few (or 1 or 2 theories):
1. no, i don't think you're hating…however, from my vantage point, their seems to be a tinge of saltiness due to the fact that it seems like you're projecting the type of woman mr. dynamo should be going after (something along the lines of what you, or your friends embody)….but he ended up going for someone that isn't like you (or your friends…or similar to you and your friends) as you thought. Kinda like the picture up top with Usher and Tameka…didn't it seem like so many women were coming at Tameka? a little bit maybe?
notice how many dudes were? i couldn't tell because honestly, none of the dudes in my cipher gave a sh–.
i don't think this is just a gender thing, i'm sure guys do this when they see hot girls go with a–hole/thug guys.
me personally i don't know how i would have felt if my female friends were "hammering me with questions" to get to the point of charging him with the felony of "getting with an undemanding chick"…i would hope that they would be more interested in her treating me right, that she wasn't taking advantage of me, stuff like that.
2. something that should always be taken into consideration, men see women differently than women see women. so your male friend, who may desire XYZ, but as you say, went for ABC…maybe he went for someone who provided XYZ in an ABC package…or maybe he just desired ABC to begin with, and told you he liked XYZ to avoid an argument/discussion/you blogging about it?
also, something i'm noticing (and i'm probably late on the radar) is that there is a rising class of women that are amazing, smart, active in their community…but are single. and i think, the reason for that, not to be crass/insulting (now that i stated that, i probably will piss someone off, lol) is that men (most) have different desires/attractions of women than i think women have been led to believe. That would be an interesting blog post in of itself, lol.
well, just my thoughts, from my downside-up point of view. oh, and thanks for using the big words in your post. definitely supercalifragilisticexpealidocious.
-your friendly neighborhood…
im always seeing some fly chick with some lame looking or acting dude. i just assume hes rich.
Wow. After reading all your other comments (Bitter Black Dude) and taking your name into consideration I was already prepared to write off everything you did or will say.
Then I read this.
And wondered why I even entertained the thought that you might have something other than sarcastic, accusatory, self-important bullshit to contribute…
WOW
And
i wrote alotta ish in this thread. you;re a sport for reading it. regards.
"something that should always be taken into consideration, men see women differently than women see women." Yes, this.
My last comment on this topic. Recently on another black blog, there was a "Test", 5 photos of women, 5 of men. The commenters were asked to rate the ones in each group that were most attractive. The male commenters gave top ratings to the women that the female commenters called "plain" or "looks boring" or "that looks like cousin Keisha", and the female commenters chose the women who were more stylish, hair big nails big everything big. Bottom line, men liked the so-called "plain janes" who were actually quite beautiful, just not "fancy" looking. Maybe this translates into personality and attitude preferences as well?
I agree with you, Daisy.
People seem to be unaware that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I’ve had women call me “plain” or say that I looked a hot mess, while their boyfriends couldn’t stop looking at me. Who had the last laugh?
A woman doesn’t need to be all dolled up to be beautiful. I’m clean and I take care of myself to the best of my ability, but I’m just the “cute” girl next door. There’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t stop men from hitting on me and I’ve been married for 3 years.
It's totally possible to be smitten with someone who wears "regular" clothes (I'm a GAP girl myself) and doesn't watch LOST (don't know why Americans have suddenly made this the "must watch or you are an alien" show). Some men look for women who are not surround by a large group of other women (like alot of dyanamic woman tend to be). I think its because they know that there WILL be unnecessary drama or competittion eventually either with that woman or others who know her. I think that it's saying something about you two ladies (the author + mentioned friend) that you don't think that your cultured, well traveled, great male friend won't find value or companion ship in someone who doesn't wear designer clothing or have eclectic tastes for music and movies. That seems…dare I say….kinda shallow.
"Some men look for women who are not surround by a large group of other women (like alot of dyanamic woman tend to be)."
SING it sista! She has to have a mind of her own. Fuck what her friends are talkin about and definitely fuck what they think. I don't want to hear any rehash or hand-me-down "tests" from sabotagers without a man.
Regular most often equates to REAL. Foss flagging, trying to do the most and being extra equates to GREAT in other people's eyes!
SN: I really liked Tameka!
Tameka seemed more like the great girl with the regular dude, to me!
Usher seems to have no redeeming qualities beyond his abdominal muscles and the money management team they imparted upon him.
Tameka was a stylish, socially-conscious entrepreneur who managed to juggle her personal ambitions with raising her three children.
In fact, I was 1000x times more disturbed at the fact that Tameka left her husband to be with Usher than the fact that Usher passed up legions of groupies to be with Tameka.
How you doing Max, are those bruises from these comments going to heal?
Anyhow, I think that since I actually know you (well, as actually as one can get through the netz, I suppose), I understand the question/intention behind this post. The fact is that you know your friend better than any of these commenters who are calling you judgemental and in the same comment judging you. I’m going to go ahead and assume that you know (better than any of us) that the pairing did not make much sense. I’m also going to assume that the conversation in which he told you why he was with her had a lot more in it than you were able to put here, and you just boiled it down. If he didn’t give you a reason that was more than her being “easy”, then I can see where the confusion comes from. Although, I understand that he may not have felt like sharing further than that, and didn’t feel he owed you more of an explanation.
Also, I am more on the side of regular than not, but in my mind I’m picturing his girl to be like Ann from Arrested Development (who was often mistakenly called bland and for a good reason). I would wonder why he was with her too.
As for all these commenters who are saying that basically they prefer their women to cook, clean, suck d*ck, and shut the f*ck up, I think the problem lies with you more than any woman who doesn’t prescribe to that. It is entirely possible to have a drama-free relationship and still have something of substance. I’m not saying that girl didn’t have substance, but from the judgement of the person who has a better view of the situation, her most redeeming quality seemed to be her easiness. Frankly, I also wouldn’t want that to be what my wedding vows boiled down to. *shrugs*
Before any of you ask, yes I am single. I don’t understand why this automatically keeps me from having valid opinions. Frankly, I could make 1 of several different calls in my phone and my single status would be changed almost instantly. However, I (like the man in the post) prefer to wait until I find a person who fits me. This is the same for Max. All of you can talk about how you’re boo’d up, but something tells me less than 1% of you will actually stay with that same person for the rest of your life. So, when you’re single again, I’d love the opportunity to tell you why that is.
I don’t care if some may consider this #shotsfired, but if you prefer to watch The City & The Hills over shows with actual substance then yes I’ll judge the heck outta ya.
sane doll- stop trying….
there's a lot going on here and you nor Jesus can save it.
you did a lot of assuming.
I did no more assuming than you or most of the commenters here. I just openly admitted it.
not really. i went by what was in the article. which was: he brought the chick by once (read she doesnt really know her). and started giving him the business soon as she and her friends could. all that ish was in the article. sounds like hate. what was in the article that makes you think their convo was any deeper than she said it was and that she knows the pairing would not be good? she knows her friend but from her own words she didnt know that chick. what are the basis of your assumptions? most are us are following where her stated facts take us.
First, you did a lot of assuming when you assumed she was hatin. I don’t know how this can be anything but an assumption.
“I’m going to go ahead and assume that you know (better than any of us) that the pairing did not make much sense.”
Well, unless you know either of the parties she’s referring to, that assumption is probably 100% accurate. The fact that she knows at least one of them and has heard from his own mouth what he is looking for, tells me she knows better than you or I.
“I’m also going to assume that the conversation in which he told you why he was with her had a lot more in it than you were able to put here, and you just boiled it down.”
The fact that she actually uses the words “boiled down” in reference to this conversation actually makes it less of an assumption on my part than a recap of what she said. *shrugs*
My real assumptions came in that I don’t actually believe that Max had any hate, jealous, malice, etc. in mind when writing this post. I base that assumption on the many conversations I’ve had with her.
she wrote a blog post for people who mostly do not personally know her. why the hell would she think we would read into her article shit that is not there? if i know b+2 = 4, and i know both b's are positive numbers, am i assuming if i say there is a 2 there? not really. she said she met the chick once and as soon as she could her and her friends gave the dude the business. it sounds a lot like hate. that is not an assumption that is a reasonable inference from the facts she laid out. and the fact that she knows HIM better ill give her that, but then make the article about HIM, dont go extrapolating that ish to the whole world of men. then ill disagree with you. and if you are willing to do that, than im going to question if it really is your friends girl or if you have problems in how you see the world. and all of that was right their in the article. inferences are different from assumptions. assumptions require no facts. we arent assuming. we are going by whats in the article even if it read a little different to us than what she thought or what you think.
Lots of people would infere from your misspellings and general lack of grammar that you lack intelligence and therefore your comments should be disregarded. Luckily, I can look past that and see that you actually have a really good point here (and are even possibly on a phone, making it difficult to type perfectly). I still think it wasn't that hard to grasp what she was trying to get at, but instead people chose to not only focus on the surface of the post, but to also verbally attack her.
Blogging and verbal attack are synonymous.
Let me speak for most guys and explain something, anytime you question a guy for his reasoning for choosing a particular woman, in the world of testosterone, it's considered an insult. That's just man law….Greg Dragon can probably tell you which # it is.
She asked the wrong question because like most girls she didn't humble herself and ask the question she should have asked. Which was "What is it about 'regular/ milquetoast' chicks that make guys choose them, over girls like me?." In her mind, and you can tell by the post, she thinks she's better than the so-called regular girl, but that's to HER! To most guys she's worse and that's what all the backlash is saying.
The regular chick is better than her in the eyes of men and till she asks why that is, she's always gonna get verbally attacked for writing posts like this.
Maybe I'm just used to frequenting blogs where people can express their differing opinions respectfully. *shrugs* I apologize greatly if I expected the same from other adults.
*I really, really need to unsubscribe and/or have self-control and stop being a glutton for "punishment"
Anytime people discuss things that they're passionate about, especially in terms of relationships, there are going to be verbal attacks.
If you're used to talking to passionate-less adults because you feel comfortable in such environment, I can understand. But you're never going to get the RAW truth at the end. The RAW truth is rarely ever uttered in a respectful tone.
i dont know. if you make a post like this, people are going to call you on it. Bene makes alot of posts like this. comments go into the 100's and people agree and disagree. but when you you make these axiomatic statements about the world thats what happens. saying stuff like: thugs treat women better, fat people need to lose weight, black men have low self esteem, and men choose bland women…(all blogs ive read on this site) will draw ire. its a strong opinion she put up and she is going to get it back in spades. i dont think there are hard feelings, but the energy you put out is the energy you get back.
i think every guy has dated a woman other women have given him a hard time about. as a dude, that sucks. it feels like people are hating when it happens. its one thing if she is tore down ugly and has a bunch of different baby daddies and is on welfare, but we are going in on "regular chicks" now? the ones who youve met once much less? seriously.
“Before any of you ask, yes I am single. I don’t understand why this automatically keeps me from having valid opinions. Frankly, I could make 1 of several different calls in my phone and my single status would be changed almost instantly.”
Classic! It’s the old “I can pick up the phone and get a man right now!” response, haven’t seen it in a bit. Too funny…
Your response is so… lacking.
The word “defense” implies that I’m concerned over what some person on the internetz who has no trouble telling people what he thinks is wrong with them actually thinks about me.
For the record, I know a large number of 300 pound women with 3 kids, 3 baby daddy, and general lack of cleanliness who could pick up the phone and have a man. It’s a simple fact that I could pick up the phone, and have the privilege of having a man. Then I could come on to these sites claiming how “easy” I am and how my man loves it, even if that man is an ASN. Luckily for me, I’m happy with myself and not desperate.
"It’s a simple fact that I could pick up the phone, and have the privilege of having a man"
Does this qualify as an arrogant statement?
It would if I a) it wasn't a fact and b) I hadn't preceded it by pointing out that there are a large number of woman (and men, really) who are very far from what most would consider "desirable" who could do the same.
Clearly I'm going to have to unsubscribe to these comments as I'll be here all day responding to all of you trying to break me down. LOL
If I was a billionaire and I walked up to you and said "I could buy you, and everything you own including the clothes you have on" that would be true. That doesn't mean it's not an arrogant statement though.
This is only actually true if this was centuries ago and I was a slave. What makes it an arrogant statement is placing a value on a human being and assuming that you can cover that.
having someone come over and have sex with you is not the same as having a man fyi
Really? How come nobody told me this before? Sh*t, now I have to readjust my entire way of thinking. (Is it really necessary to specificy that this is sarcasm?)
then i dont think you can pick up the phone and a have a man. this isnt I love New York or Chilis way
Oh, is that what your comment was signifying? I'm so glad you cleared that up.
yeah that was an assumption i just made.
The answer the author is looking for lies in the ridiculousness of this post and your defense of it. That you would devote your mental energy to picking apart something that has nothing to do with you is reason enough why you’re alone. Joan Didion once wrote, “To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self.”
Believe me when I tell you that there is nothing more intolerable and unlovable that a woman who is dissatisfied with herself. It is one of the most corrosive energies in all of the world. That dissatisfaction will make itself present in every facet of her life.
In all honesty, I’m not really trying to defend the post. I’m defending the person that all of you are making judgements about. I can definitely see where upon first reading, it appears that Max is hatin, jealous, full of drama, etc. I think it would be refreshing if any of you jumpin on her would take a second and try to understand what she was trying to convey.
Also, e-thuggery and people claiming to know why other people are single gets on my nerves. There are a couple responses below (below your comment about intimidation) where people gave responses without verbally beating on an author who put her thoughts out here and may not have expressed them exactly as she meant. What some of the commenters are lacking in compassion, they make up for in “witty” comments and self-righteousness.
I would think that wit and self-righteousness would be valued by a woman who could call someone else a "regular chick" and pepper a post about how "interesting" she is. Please excuse me for not being able to embrace that with compassion.
Again, I completely understand why people jumped to the conclusions they did regarding both Max and this post. I just think that all of you should try to look a little further into the intentions of the post.
As for your wittiness, I actually appreciated your initial response to my comment. You didn’t really “attack” me or her in any disrespectful way. Then I looked immediately below and if that is what passes for “witty”, then I don’t think she would appreciate it. I don’t think flinging around 5th grade insults with BBD is that witty, personally. Also, who appreciates self-righteousness?
As much as I would love to continue this well into the afternoon, I really don’t have the time. I do appreciate the effort you brought into your initial response to this comment though. I’m off to go be unhappy because I’m single.
“The answer the author is looking for lies in the ridiculousness of this post and your defense of it. That you would devote your mental energy to picking apart something that has nothing to do with you is reason enough why you’re alone.”
Damn, this is a classic quote right there. I gotta give a round of applause for this one.
Maybe he’s “intimidated” by how interesting you are. ::throws up in mouth::
lmao. its what i was thinking.
You guys are hilarious.
K.O.
I know why seemingly great men date bland women. Because, truth be told, they aren’t as great as you’re giving them credit for. Last time I knew a “great guy” who wifed up a “regular chick,” the “great guy” was an impostor! He was smart enough to play the role of the cultured, well-mannered guy for his more colorful friends and associates, but was really a Tyler Perry/KFC type of dude, so he went out and got him a KFC/Tyler Perry type of chick.
As for colorful girls who can’t get or keep a man…
Smart girls tend to be “too” opinionated.
Creative girls tend to talk over folks’ heads.
Pretty girls tend to be, well, crazy.
For most men, this is just sensory overload. You’ve got to feel them out before you know how far you can go with them. But it’s a losing sort of thing, anyway. If you’re such a great girl, do you really want to be with some fool who can’t keep up with your unbridled self?
That's a good ass point.
What do you think are the top ten things men want out of a woman?
In my experience, men initially notice me because of one of my glittery traits, but they are not what keep a guy around.
In my experience, men want women who are supportive, sexy, loyal, cheerful, cooperative, domestic, pretty, friendly, honest and helpful. All the extra stuff–the kinds of things that Max values in women–it's mostly for myself and my friends. No matter how educated or forward-thinking a man is, I think they're all subconsciously trying to find a woman who could properly run their households and mother their children.
supportive, sexy, loyal, cheerful, cooperative, domestic, pretty, friendly, honest and helpful.
This is actually perfect (although cheerful and friendly are basically the same.) Great guys want this and even wack guys want this as well. We just want it wrapped up in as perfect a package as possible. There's other stuff, but for a woman this is actually impressive.
The more girls work on being cooperative and helpful the more attractive and valuable they will become in the eyes of men.
By "cheerful" I meant the sort of girl who smiles a lot and is generally positive-minded. While I've never been the sort of person who thinks complaining is an appropriate social-bonding activity, it took me the longest time to develop an outwardly cheerful personality because, frankly, cheerful women are constantly harassed by people with whom they'd really rather not be bothered.
By "friendly," I meant a woman with good social skills; someone who can be a people-person–at least for a little while–if need be. A lot of times, women avoid being cheerful because people expect cheerful people to also be friendly.
i get it. good list. you actually make alot of sense most of the time.
SO TRUE!! I'm the "friendly" and "cheerful" type. And I do get harassed by those I'd love to pull a restraining order against. You have your ring on AND your wife is standing right next to you giving me the deadly side-eye. #Jesusbeafence It's intriguing to see how many men mistake my niceness and genuine friendly care for more. Oh well, but seeing how the men responded to your comment I see why. I'll carry on. I can't turn into a prune either. Did that…and it was deeply stifling…and just not cute. I'd love to know how to nicely shut men down. I've tried…tried..and tried..I keep getting stalker texts.
"I’d love to know how to nicely shut men down. I’ve tried…tried..and tried..I keep getting stalker texts."
Girl once you've tried nice. You have to go stern and honest. When stern doesn't work, full out "I will have you killed" may be needed.
Mmmmhmmm. Ain't no way to kindly reject a man who lacks personal dignity.
"No matter how educated or forward-thinking a man is, I think they’re all subconsciously trying to find a woman who could properly run their households and mother their children."
Exactly. I be sayin' this! LOL (Well of course YOU know that)
It’s all about compatibility with men, we want a practical female that wont drive us crazy. if you get a girl thats too dumb you will have problems and if you get a girl thats just too smart you will also have problems. Also i have dated at least 6 Halle Berry types and they all drove me crazy or tried to empty my wallet. You can asked any married man this question..is your wife the finest girl that you ever been with? The answer will be no 90% of the time. I’d take a everyday wallmart shopping happy go lucky chick over a Mary J Blige type any day of the week.
This article cracked me up! It brought up some convo's I had with a particular girlfriend. She is always nitpicking at one of our guyfriend's girlfriend. At first I didn't understand the coupling. Yes…as Max described we would describe her as more simple compared to the rest of the people in the group. We're yapping about Obama's latest policy or issues affecting the community while ole girl is chewing gum clumsily and popping bubbles. It's too funny! Her mate (our guyfriend) is a prominent lawyer so it didn't add up in our heads.
Yes…I will admit…I threw some shade on her. But I realized guys don't like ugly. They don't like women throwing shade on each other. It just isn't classy. So as much as sometimes it doesn't make sense bc the girl acted so naive, is unemployed, and whatnot. I don't hate on her anymore. I actually like the girl now. Seeing the guyfriend up close I see he has a taste for uncomplicated things. So I can't fault him for his choice. Different strokes for different folks.
Maybe he'll marry her or maybe he'll wake up one day wanting an independent sassy sister. I don't know. But I'm glad one of my guyfriends reproved us and said that it's just not cool to throw shade. You can disagree yes, and maybe we gals can talk a little bit amongst ourselves, but to put it all out there shows some type of insecurity that we have to try to devalue someone to make ourselves feel better.
This in no way says that Max is trying to do that. I think she honestly is trying to understand the concept just like I was trying to. You can't make broad generalizations about men or women. Some men have that taste in women, and some men don't. It's preference. I've questioned men who stayed with Drama Queens in Capital letters too. These women could shut down Jersey Shore with their drama and all of Tigers mistresses would look like Condoleeza Rice compared to them. I think our mistake is sometimes to try to understand our friends coupling. It's for our friends to know they made the right choice before God.
So oh well, I'm focusing my energies on me coupling well.
most dudes don't wake up wanting an independent sassy sister. independent sassy sisters end up on dateline asking why their independence and sass didn't resul in a husband.
HAHHAHAHHAHAH…LMBO….*clutching stomach and laughing SO HARD*
mm mm mm…yuh think yuh funny ey…
*takes deep breath* – back in composure
real talk Black women in America have spent the last 40 years developing undesirable traits. Chief among them is that sass you refer to in your post.No brother likes it and the more established the man the lower the chance his wife will be sassy.Sassy chicks usually look around in their mid-30's realize they are alone and then pick some raggedy dude to get with because he'll put up with her ish .Otherwise it is back to his momma's couch.
Yeah I think there are different definitions of sass. The sass I've experienced here which can borderline ok let me not lie is {disguised} rudeness is not a good look. But there's hope! I think women are waking up to the fact that mm..all the that glitters ain' gold. It's straight tin metal rus' up just like you said they will if they continue on this path.
I think some women outgrow it and some don't. Some find the man who loves them for it. Some will go relationship to relationship. Some will be single & celibate for the rest of their lives and go to endless HS reunion meetings. Those that want to have true love in their lives will make the adjustments. Oh well.. Life! Eh…
live & let live and break out some Blue parrot drinks while at it.
Sass is sass and MOST men dont like it all. It's irritating.
word.
when u ever heard a dude say " damn..i need a chick with an attitude"
Damn, Banana Republic is passé now? That hurts my heart.
I think some men who go the 'regular' route, just don't want to be outshone. Insecure. That's where the 'easier' comes in. If he's so uniquely intelligent, cultured and attractive – he'd be competing with the likeness of a mate with those same qualities.
"If he’s so uniquely intelligent, cultured and attractive – he’d be competing with the likeness of a mate with those same qualities."
interesting. why do you think he should?
(just curious)
"he’d be competing with the likeness of a mate with those same qualities."
whys it have to be a competition? egh..
Yep you probably believe in the 90 Day rule too? smh
competition dont work
in a relationship your on the same team.
one point guard and one center…..and three side jawns
So basically….you're jealous. Who are you to judge somone else's rleationship and call it a misfit because he's great and she's "regular"? A "Phoenomenon..really? Let them be, he's your good friend, be happy for him. Dont judge.
To put it plain and simple, if he wanted someone like you and your girlfriends, he would be with you or one of your girlfriends. Clearly there is a quality you have that is not pleasing to most men, no matter how "interesting" you think you are. Your high-end clothes, somewhat intelligent television viewing choices and "comedic whit" aren't pulling them in.
Fuck the bull-ish….ole girl like's her "guy friend" and is mad as the fuck that he is taken and by a chick that she believes couldn't shoe shine her high heels…ole girl is hatin, plain and simple…and what's up with this lie of men and women being friends?….shit, you can tell the author likes the dude by the way she went on and on about his attributes and looks…
Umm, DAMN. Max, looks like there's more than 3 ways to take it and they are giving it to you. I spoke my piece on your post [i believe] God speed.
who the hell wants a sassy sista? lol
she described that other girl as "regular"..i think that she meant to say perfect
all in all @max…… yes i have "observed the phenomena"
There's one thing that has not been really explored in this conversation: the circumstances around the interactions. The quiet "Regular Chick" was among a group of his FEMALE friends which can be a rather awkward position to be in, especially when the female friends are of the "loud" variety as the author described. (I would also be willing to guess that more than a few up-and-down judgmental looks were cast toward "Regular Chick".) If I was the "Regular Chick" and in such a circumstance, I would also be reserved and on guard, trying to read body language and innuendos in conversations. "Regular Chick" probably doesn't know who may have been with her man in the past (or wanted to be), or just how deep the relationships are among "Great Guy's" group of female "friends", so she just stays polite and quiet, and I don't blame her. Girls can be mean, even "grown" girls (as is evidenced by the inferences in the author's article), and staying polite and quiet usually diffuses things.
It's interesting that she's called a "Regular Chick" for being quiet and reserved around the "Exciting Chicks", but if she had thought that they weren't so exciting and had voiced her opinion as such, she'd be called a b!tch — maybe a "regular b!itch", but a b!tch just the same. When the "Regular Chick" dates the "World's Most Eligible Bachelor" and socializes with his SINGLE female friends, she can't win — with them, at least. "Regular Chick" is always going to be "too something" or "not enough of something" because she's dating the "Great Guy" and the single "Exciting Chicks" want to be in her shoes. (That's the hard, painful truth.)
Here's what the author doesn't understand: "Regular Chick" is playing it completely right. Boyfriend may give a second thought to the relationship if she was rude to his friends and he couldn't take her out anywhere for fear of what she might say or do, but he's not going to break up with her because she is quiet and polite to his friends (when I last checked, being quiet and polite weren't faults).
So rule on, "Regular Chick", rule on! And keep those "Exciting Chicks" scratching their heads!
Your Mama and Papa raised you well, "Regular Chick".
"When the “Regular Chick” dates the “World’s Most Eligible Bachelor” and socializes with his SINGLE female friends, she can’t win — with them, at least."
Yes! That statement pretty much sums up the moral story of this article. At least that's what I was able to conclude from it
I always read these post a week late it seems.
To the author, I dont think you are hating at all and I dont think you are interested in ol boy. You looked at the situation, evaluated it and the math didnt add up. I have female friends I look at and wonder "how did she end up with that nigga?" Its not because I like her or am trying to hate on him (sometimes its dudes Im cool with) its just that he is not on her level.
The chemistry between two people sometimes only makes sense to those two people. The most you can do is be supportive and when or if they break up inquire about it at that time.
They really came at your neck on this one though. Some of the comments are ridiculous.
I get a sense that the author of the article is jealous. The way she described "her friend" resonates that she has something for him or had something and something is lingering. Maybe you want to be on that arm. Maybe he's enjoying his "easy" girl because she is drama free, something which you have hinted you like to start.
Part of the problem is what makes women fascinating or dynamic to other women is not what makes them fascinating or dynamic to men – case in point carrie bradshaw is a chick a lot of women (for whatever reason) worship and embrace but most dudes I know (myself included) wouldn’t bother with her (she seems annoying as fuck). Women evaluate other women differently from men, for instance the way women evaluate another woman’s sense of style or fashion uses a different barometer than what men use. Men don’t really care about that stuff we’re low maintenance by nature so low maintenance chicks are often appealing to us
Oh…now it’s my turn.
I forewarn you, I’m not regular…
I think a lot of you have missed the point so let me flip genders.You know the girl who spends her whole life waiting for Mr. Perfect (while dating variations of him),only to marry Mr… Huh? You men (and women) collectively scratch your heads and try to figure out why. You men think “he must pay for everything”, women think “he must have a 10 inch dick with diamond encrusted balls”. blah blah blah
This man spent his time telling his FRIENDS (ahem, I don’t think at any time Maxfab indicated that she or her friends were interested in a relationship with this man) that he wanted to have a spectacular woman. When questioned, he said he chose this one because she was “easy”. Does this not sound like settling? If this was a female friend would you not question why she wasn’t trying to “do better”?
So all you proud “regular” women who are booed up…congrats. But I honestly have a hard time thinking that with all the attributes you have identified here (education, looks, style, investments etc) that you really think of yourself as regular. Are you REALLY okay with your Boo NOT considering you special or unique in ANY way? Okay, now you’re saying “no no, my Boo thinks I’m special!”
So, for Maxfab, myself and the other “narcissistic” “bitter” single women out there, I ask: are we to WAIT for the word and the opinion of a Boo to consider ourselves special? Or that because we already DO think we’re special (fabulous even) that we’re elevating ourselves above you?
The man stated repeatedly to his friends over the years that he wanted “special” “spectacular”. So, when he brought around “regular” should his friends not question his motive(s)? Does this “easy” (i.e. regular) chick KNOW that he considers her that way? Or does she consider herself special or spectacular – but just in her boo’s eyes?
I therefore challenge you “regular” chicks to ask your boo “baby, am I special? Or are you with me because I’m ‘easy (going)’?” I suspect half will stutter through an answer while the other half spontaneously combust.
p.s. my favourite look is my tshirt from Old Navy, my 4″ heels, my Long and Lean jeans from the Gap (dark rinse), Jackie O glasses and rocking a fresh mani/pedi. My friends think I’m the sweetest thing, but my vendors are scared of me. I’ll tear a strip of someone’s (deserving) ass before playing peekaboo with my niece…
Dynamic my dears is not synonymous with dramatic… apparently it is synonymous with single, according to you smug little boos.
So be it.
What's your definition of "regular"? And what makes you dynamic?
@j2y2k3
That's easy. My definition of dynamic is the same as the one found in the dictionary: ORIGIN early 19th cent. (as a term in physics): from French dynamique, from Greek dunamikos, from dunamis ‘power.’ 1(of a process or system) characterized by constant change, activity, or progress (of a person) positive in attitude and full of energy and new ideas
I believe in constant change, activity or progress…while I'll be the first to say I'm cynical, my approach to life and my enthusiasm for change are positive attributes
Which only goes to further illustrate my point. Those women who use the word "regular" should review the definition as well:
(of a person) doing the same thing or going to the same place with the same time between individual instances…
To me, this indicates no growth, no change. Should a person be content with a life that has little to no change or growth, that is their decision and I would not give them any grief for it. But I still feel that many of the women who have called themselves "regular" would not refer to themselves as such based on the true meaning of the word.
@MPT said something that is very true regarding the chemistry between two people – it's only known to them. But when your friend's criteria for chemistry does not match the choice in partner he or she has made…I would think that a friend would question it.
As for @realvoice – I have to ask: what makes you think that this was based on the superficial? Oh, and I'll admit – I have an ego. But according to Freud, we all have one.
I DO believe in a "me-first" mentality. I am my own best cheerleader and my harshest critic. I learned long ago to not wait for the benediction of others to determine my self worth…am I lonely? Hardly. Especially since I'm sensing that for you, loneliness is determined by one's relationship status. I'm not looking for a man to validate my self worth, I will only involve myself with the ones who appreciate it…
Read this statement:
“I haven’t fed this bitch all day!”
Most people who read this statement are going to think that I’m trying to be belligerent. But based on the original definition of the word, I’m simply saying that I haven’t fed my (female) dog all day.
Basically, the definition of a word matters based on the way it is used. The girls claiming to be “regular” are using the term in a different context than you are. “Regular” to them means drama free and attempting to just enjoy their lives.
Can you hate them for that?
"“Regular” to them means drama free and attempting to just enjoy their lives."
So says the book of 'j2y2k3'…There you go making up ish again!…LMAO…this ish is comical…
Well Miss Jae, since you're so much better in interpreting diction in terms of contexts, why don't you give it a try?
Lol…oh, now it's about me? My point is, everyone has a different definition when it comes to certain vernacular (other than what webster says)…just because your interpretation doesn't match someone else's doesn't make it theirs wrong…Just different…oh my bad, rebellious! LMAO
I was talking about the girls who identified themselves as regular. That was a particular group of people commenting on this post.
"The girls claiming to be “regular” are using the term in a different context than you are. “Regular” to them means drama free and attempting to just enjoy their lives."
See here we go with "context" again…or are you really just being rebellious? lol hmmm
I'm really not…contrary to your belief!…lol
Thank you for elaborating…I misjudged you & I apologize…
Yay! I got an apology. That's all I wanted. Thank You!
Brothas got feelings too!
lol
Not a problem…I can admit when I'm wrong…I'm not a regular chick…lol
"What I find interesting is that “you” dont like the girl because she is quiet and regular. I’m more of a quiet/regular person who is drama free." – Hershey Kisses
"I’m also a quiet/regular girl who is drama free." – KaNisa
"Be regular, down to earth, and yes “easy” sometimes. Makes life less dramatic and more comfortable." – DaisyL
So ummm Miss Jae you still think I made this up?
Read the above comment, but thanks for the research…
Well it was sort of necessary to show that I just didn't come up with that from thin air or that I was "making up ish again."
Mmm hmm..it was greatly appreciated…
Love it! It’s like when you’re dating a guy & everything is going great, so you think, then all of a sudden he dumps you. The very next chick (who’s always “regular” or “aight”) he interacts with, he marrys! Like seriously?!
And to answer your question (are we to WAIT for the word and the opinion of a Boo to consider ourselves special? )…HELL NO!
OMG i effing love you. I couldn't – and didn't – say it better myself!
this article was trash, you’re just another victim of this narcissistic me-first world and your boy probably likes that girl because she’s not a superficial a-hole. all these so called extra-ordinary people are just cocky ego filled losers who will die lonely and sad. wake up
*clap clap clap*
I think I might be too late in commenting on this post….
Good thing tho’. I mean, I’m just a ‘regular’ woman with very little to say. Then again, depends who I’m talking to, right? Mr. Sanchez from across the street might think I’m regular. But Mr. Campbell from upstairs? He thinks I’m DYNO-MITE!!!
You know how you know you’ve written a great post @maxfab? You get THIS much feedback. Kudos for causing a reaction.
*leaves room applauding you all*
ACCOMMODATING AND UNDEMANDING…………………………..I might as well sew my legs together, because if that's the star quality in becoming the phone=checking insecure wifey then I'm doomed. I guess Imma have to love myself then, drats, I was so eager to be number one in my cowardly man's quest to fulfill his egotistical needs that could probably be solved by just breaking up. Instead I shall accommodate him in his quest to have guaranteed regular, familiar na-na at the crib and also bang cool chicks on the side like the one who wrote this article without demanding any respect from him, but demanding every ounce of respect and honest answers from the lucky victim of my man's infidelity, because that's what love is all about. Accommodating these niggas without demanding respect. Yep, that's how you get a man ladies, if you want to act a fool and have a personality or some dignity, hey, that's on you, but just know, you will be lonely forever. Your choice. Standards, or a cheating ass man. I mean really, that's a no brainer. Everybody knows the cheating ass man wins hands down. Quit complaining ladies and dumb it down. Okay!!! Nobody cares how awesome you are, just learn how to nod your head yes and you good. All that high self-esteem shit? Please, you are now a number, "Number one" Now be a good little number and wait til I come home from having a ball with number 2 so I can give you your morning backshot. LOL!!!!! I just described like 85% of people in a relationship.
At ILLBABY the more you say, the stupider you seem. Being REGULAR and not EXTRA and ghetto, loud mouth, unappreciative, bitchy “strong” woman are not what men want. I happen to know exactly what achieved, ambitious, attractive men wants and I am happily married at 20. You should stop assuming that just because a woman knows how to be a woman to her man and let him feel like a man and take control, that she has no opinions and is docile.
I am above average in the looks department, most would describe me as quite pretty, but in every way I am a regular girl and yes, I am a housewife.But your achievements and accolades will never ever make you a good wife, a loving and supportive girlfriend or stimulating. I am all that and above and I have always disliked chicks like the one who wrote this bad article HATING. Loud mouthed mentally ghetto chicks who always feel the need to pretend that there is something so extra special about them because they are boisterous and hang around with other single, loud, lonely mofos. Always comparing yourself to the next chick and calling someone else “regular” because you’re supposed to be so damn special. Yeah right!
Guys do NOT want complicated. difficult females. They want someone who is pretty but beyond that they are looking for someone who is simple, easy to get along with, supportive, willingly puts her issues aside for his, who makes him laugh, smile and more and I do that with my REGULAR, quiet ass.
Maybe you kind of females are exactly why I have virtually no female friends, so many of young black women are all the same today, all just a bunch of talk and they all think they’re ALL THAT and are still all damn alone at night.
Since when did being accommodating to a good man become a bad thing? Heifers like you will never get it and will never have a man while us REGULAR girls DO! Lonely stupid ass.