According to its promotional commercials, Match.com is responsible for at least 20% of all relationships getting off the ground. With a heavy social calendar, writing grad school dissertations, or just plain tired of “professional meet and greets”, many upwardly mobile singles have taken to the internet in hopes of meeting Mr. or Miss Right Now. I was talking to a homey of mine over the weekend, who was describing his online dating experience and it prompted me to wanna do my own research.
Online dating comes in many forms. With the rippling effect of Facebook, many have used our college network to find our next relationship or cut buddy. Yet many black yuppies still turn their nose up at the thought of using Match.com, eHarmony, or any other subscription matchmaking site. Now why is that? I did my own objective digging to break down the security walls of “nah computer love is wack”.
It’s for the less aesthetically pleasing (aka “ugly people”): The women that are on Match are the same women who may be on your Facebook friends list. They’re the same women you see in Starbucks every morning but are too nervous to approach. In a short, the Match website is full of attractive,professional, gainfully employed, black women of all varieties. [Shout out to all the AKAs and Deltas on there]. While browsing the Match criteria for the NYC area, I came across 3 profiles of women I actually know. On the 1st 5 pages of search results, I noticed 5 women that based sheerly on looks, I’d wife up. The woman who my homeboy met and is currently dating is a 2nd year dental school student with a decent shape and winning dimples.
If looks truly matter to you, you can compile the perfect candidate list on Match; everything down to their hair and height to the adjective they use to describe their body type [btw can somebody pleaseexplain to me the difference between black women calling themselves curvy and thick? Another post,another time]. With webcams and camera-phones being more affordable than they were back in 2000,I’d ascertain that most of the women look exactly like their profile photo; maybe even better. There’s always skype/iChat
It costs too much: Let’s do a little social scene math using your typical “mixer” at a club or lounge, shall we? As a man, you’ll pay at least $15 to get in a spot. Add another $40 for a few beers or a round of top shelf shots. A cab ride to the club may run you around $12-15. So off the bat, before even finding your choice target, you’ve spent a non-refundable $75! On Match, the price of a 30-day membership is $34.99. Another advantage is they’ll give you a 3 day trial AND you can get up to 25% discount using a coupon code. In the grand scheme, you’ve actually saved yourself a night’s worth of trolling without shaving and showering by online dating.
It’s not safe: Let’s be honest, women are the ones who’ll Google, Facebook, or run a background check with the quickness. And the considering the logical steps, keeping yourself safe isn’t that huge of a concern as people make it out to be. The great thing about online dating over exchanging numbers with someone in person is you have complete control over how the communication progresses.
The “wink” on Match serves the same purpose as a “poke” on Facebook; letting the person know you’re interested. The communication can progress from sending emails within the site. Then you may wanna exchange personal emails, graduate to a phone conversation, and so forth. There’s no involuntary security breach and you can cut off all communications easily with a simple “block”. But when you meet someone in person, you give them your phone number typically. Once you decide that the person has as much personality as a wax statue, you’re stuck! Can’t change your number, probably can’t block them (depending on what provider you have), sucks for you.
People lie online: Ummmmm, and a person won’t lie to your face? Cmon son! From the profiles I read, the women are very upfront about what they were looking for (and NOT looking for). It should be a given to know that if you’re paying for a service for a set amount of time, then you’re going to get the most that you can out of it. It’s hard to sift through lies because some people are literally professional liars (#bawse). However, the bottom line is a person is gonna lie whether it’s to your face or behind a computer screen. The question is how much time are you willing to invest before the house of cards come tumbling down.
Dating is something that you have to be an active participant in! You can’t just sit around and expect the offers to pour in; just as you can’t go to mixers, parties, alumni organization weekends, or any other place that breeds socializing and stand on the wall. Dating gets harder the older you get and the more successful you are. Women, especially, tend to want a man who is at or past their socioeconomic level. With Match and sites like it, you can think logically about the type of person you’d be attracted to and be as picky as you want, without sounding self-absorbed or unrealistic.
Online dating isn’t for everybody. Some people are still very old-school and prefer to meet someone on their own or be introduced by someone they trust. But as the times change, your perception about online dating should expand as well. Besides, if you’ve hooked up with someone from Blackplanet/Myspace or do the usual “damn who is that? He/she looks good, let me send this friend request” Facebook-lurking on your friends’ pages, what’s your reasoning to not trying a site like Match?
Article by Abdul Wilson
I survived 4 bullets so I can take any and everything the world throws at me. Being right all the time is a figment of the imagination, so I strive to always believe what's rational and logical. From South Beach to the Concrete Jungle, I've seen it all and done it all. Well sort of! Being a single dad of 2 girls, I spend my time teaching myself how to really know what women want.
Abdul has written 16 article(s) for us.
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Good article…they don’t hear you though.
Online dating is something I still think is taboo. People don’t really talk about. I’ve made a few connections through Twitter and Facebook- even Myspace and Blackplanet. I wouldn’t use Match.com or other dating service sites- there’s no need to spend that money. Just using social networking sites can bring you a few things your way.
As hard as it is to find someone, I’ll take it anyway I get it. Old school- new school… just roll with the good times!
Social networking lurking FTW! LOL I’m with you fam. I met my current girl from seeing her out like a year ago, then come to find out she knew 1 of my bruhs on FB. Small world
I met my current love online. We are both NYC professionals working in the city. We found a great relationship. It can happen, of course as in regular dating, u have to weed out the bad ones, the same thing applies online. We both were tired of the club scene, and truth be told, didnt have time to to do all the networking, extra-curriculars when looking for a mate. What could b easier than on a Saturday morning sifting through a few profiles and potentially lining up after-work drinks for the following week. I do think our culture, is behind on the acceptance of this method. But hopefully will catch up, most of my friends, were always impressed of my previous bfs, but refused to do online dating. But then complained they were home, their choice, but my dance card was full. LOL
I think online dating is cool. However sometimes people are online because they are scared to talk to people in person. I have me many shy individuals. Nice though!
Try plentyoffish.com (free!!!) or okcupid
Plenty of Fish is the bottom of the barrel honestly. Never tried OKCupid. BlackPeopleMeet has it’s hit or misses but in all of this, I think it’s easier for women to get what they are looking for as opposed to men.
Really CPT? Where do you live so I can come there! Because the DMV has a huge shortage! LOL
Hey Abdul, I’m confused my brother…Did you try it personally or not? I see you did a little browsing to check out some pics and profiles, but did I pay for it? If not, how does this make you a credible source?! LOL Just kidding. Well I gave eharmony a try for 6 MONTHS and it completely sucked!
I’m not going to lie. I was totally against online dating at first because I thought using it was a sign of desperation. After starting my MBA and researching this new phenomenon, the scholar in me decided to try it out. Oh hell who am I kidding. I just wanted to find a date other than the crazies I was encountering in person! However, I had the worst luck!
I won’t speak about the other sites, but my experience with eHarmony was trash!! I got a lot of SPAM first of all and most of the guys were completely busted! I’m not even talking about from a visual perspective. I’ve requested my money back from eHarmony several times because I didn’t even get 1 date out of the deal!
All and all, I say if you want to try it you should go for it! My sister did meet her special guy on Match.com. However, I do not think eHarmony caters to minorities. Everyone I know that has been successful on it has been of the Caucasoid persuasion. They need to do a better job of marketing to us and perhaps I will feel less jaded in the future.
Good article!
I tried eharmony and got a bunch of scary dudes as well.
I prefer the free services…met my guy of almost 2 years on a message board.
Thanks for the read fam!
Nah I didn’t “try” it in the sense of meeting anyone. I just had to create a profile and stuff to do the basic surface research. BUT given what I found (and liked about Match), if things don’t work with my current relationship, I’d definitely use the trial subscription and see how it goes. But I just kinda pulled from it what I could in terms of the myths/perceptions we have about online dating across the board. If my boy and his girl last, then that’s 1 success story to convince me it really can work LOL
I considered using eHarmony as a research tool too, but the questionaire turned me off. The questionaire alone would’ve taken me a good 30-45 min to complete before getting to the point of like uploading pics and stuff. No bueno! When I asked a few people I know who openly online date, they weren’t big eHarmony fans either. The concensus on that was it’s wayyyyy too specific. It gives away so much info before you even get to talk to the person.
Depends on what type of dater you are and how serious you are in seeking “that 1″
I think online dating makes it a lot easier to find someone. After you connect with someone you find attractive you pretty much already know that they are looking for the same thing you are and it takes away from a lot of the guesswork. That has been my experience with it anyway and I met a previous ex and a very good friend of mine online. Like someone previously said, you have to screen the people you interact with online the same way you do offline and there really isn’t that big of a difference.
i tried online dating before it became less taboo a few yrs ago and never liked it.
i felt it was a desperate move and that men could smell that eau de wantaman on me from far. so i would delete my profiles after a week.
years later, i tried it again (POF). i was skeptical because i know the sites reputation, but thought this time around, im clearer about who i am and what i want (the whole older/wiser thing i guess).
the great thing about online dating as you alluded to, you can do search parameters without being told that your standards are too high.
i joined in april and i went on more dates in 3 months, than i have in probably 3 yrs (i was in ldrs during that time). what i appreciate is that ironically enough, it forced me to be more honest – with myself and the other person. i met some good dudes, but there was no chemistry and while rejection is hard and awkward – you gotta do it for your own sake and theirs. they are nice, but just not for me. why bother pretending otherwise.
some dont know how to handle it..but such is life.
at the end of the day, you do what feels right for you, and if you want something, you have to put it out to the universe to get it!