Girl 1: I think he’s cheating on me.
Girl 2: What? Why?
Girl 1: He friended his ex on Facebook and then she liked a bunch of his pictures and posted on his wall that she was back in town and would inbox him her new number.
Girl 3: Now girl that’s a clear sign that ninja is cheating, you better handle that
Girl 1: Yeah. I’m going to ask him about that. I don’t like that at all.
Ladies and gents, we all know how this scenario ends. Girl 1 asks her dude what’s up with his ex and why all of sudden she is coming out of the woodwork and her dude denies any allegations. In fact, the dude may become upset because nothing like that was even going on, he hates his ex and he can’t control her actions and what she says and comments on. Girl 1 isn’t hearing it and now is suspicious of her dude and, whether or not he is cheating, Facebook has given her reason to distrust her man.
Taking it further, Girl 1 now looks at his Facebook page regularly to see how many females he is friending, what are these females saying, and who or what he is saying to his female friends. Questions such as why doesn’t he want to link her in his relationship status, or worse yet, why doesn’t he want to even include his taken relationship status on his page? Why doesn’t he write on her wall or want her to leave sweet lovey dovey messages on his or why doesn’t he want tagged photos of him and her together?
Eventually, her suspicions manifest in very obvious ways offline and she becomes overbearing. Fights start because of her new insecurities and maybe she starts snooping or questioning his whereabouts more. Maybe, she starts questioning his affiliations with different people more. Whatever the reason, the two split and the relationship death certificate states boldly that Facebook ended yet another relationship.
The truth is that as exaggerated as you may think this is, this is a very real scenario and plays out quite often. Facebook has given strangers, employers, friends and significant others alike the power to access our lives in very real ways that otherwise was unheard of. Remember when you told your best friend you couldn’t attend her birthday party because you were out of town? Well she saw that tweet where you were ranting off about how you hated the smelly man that asked you for a dollar outside of your house.
Social networking sites have created a sort of checks and balances on the things we say and the places that we go. Your girlfriend said she was staying home all weekend but on Foursquare she checked in to Club Refuge in order to gain free admittance and a complimentary drink. In an attempt to stay connected with virtually everybody, the small white lies we tell are very often brought to light on the internet.
Of course, some people care more than others but the people who tend to care the most are usually our significant others. This access to your life when you are away from them mixed with an insecure boyfriend or girlfriend or even a budding relationship can be the demise of what could have potentially been a good thing. Often posts either by you or another person are taken out of context and with no way to verify the information, some people allow their suspicions to get out control and run rampant.
My personal rule with social networking sites is to take everything I read and see with two grains of salt. Nothing on these sites is proof of anything and if everything is going well offline then there is no need to get too wrapped up on what is going on online.
One glance at my Facebook page and a person would mistakenly believe that I live some extravagant lifestyle where I travel to exotic places, that I’m single, party hard on weekends, and have an overabundance of friends that I am tight with in Chicago. This couldn’t be further from my actual reality, but that’s exactly the point. Facebook isn’t reality and to expect it to have any factual content or be a legitimate all access view of someone is naive.
Should you question what you see and read on these sites? First, question if you really know the person. Afterwards, think of how they are actually are offline. Does your inference of their online presence match the person you know offline?
I’m sorry but if your boyfriend is a homebody who spends most of his time playing video games and collecting Star Wars figurines, those online females that are saying hey and trying to “reconnect” are bored and probably think your boyfriend is cute. Take it as a compliment that girls find your boyfriend attractive and move on.
Tagged as: Dating, Infidelity, Men, Reality, Social Networking, women
Article by A Black Malfunction
Carla is a recent college graduate of the University of Miami School of Communication where she studied Public Relations and Marketing and is an up and coming Public Relations guru. Originally from New York, this savvy twenty-something year old currently resides in Chicago, IL. in pursuit of her dream career and of a love that will make her heart skip 3 beats. She blogs about the common and not so common mis-adventures and malfunctions of the heart at www.theheartmalfunctions.com. You may also follow her on Twitter @CarlaAshley1920.
A Black Malfunction has written 18 article(s) for us.
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“FB only brings to light things that coulda stayed hidden longer.”
I was talking about this a few weeks ago w/ a promoter friend of mine…my general rule of thumb is if you’re not comfortable putting “In a relationship w/ (your significant other’s name tagged), then don’t put photos up of the 2 of ya’ll together…it seems backwards to have your relationship status blank when your photo albums clearly show that you’re taken
I think in general though, people don’t Facebook that serious as the example above…I’m sure there’s women out there like that, but insecurity is a turn-off…those relationships don’t last anyway
Great post.. I’ve considered unfriending and unfollowing my significant other for a while now, simply because it raises too many questions in my mind, most of which are completely irrational. Social networking leads us to believe that people are closer than they really are, and affects our relationships in person negatively. Instead of talking about real issues or anything good, we talk about FB and Twitter.
Social networking sites won’t be the death of relationships; people, especially those who are insecure like the girl you use as an example, will be. People have become too transparent with these sites lately, putting ALL their business online. If you don’t want someone to know you whereabouts, don’t tweet about it. If you don’t want others all in your business, don’t give them every detail on twitter or through statuses and pictures on Facebook. It’s really that simple.
ehhh, while I do beleive that facebook does allow a level of access(if you provide it) to your everday life not provided before…
I dont think its any more responsible for relationship break ups and issues than caller ID, three-way, pagers, cell phones, email, etc
iit allows a person to be who they want to be and most importantly WHO THEY ARE! Facebook didnt make him cheat, it provided him/her iwth another avenue to do what they were already doing.
and for those just “flirting” you are still responsible for the decisions you make on facebook and twitter and any other social networking site and you still have the responsibility of making responsible choices with what you say. do and who you add.
and as a person in a relationship in the digital age you have to decide upfront what you are going to participate in or not and what you are willing to beleive or not. Trust is an important aspect of any relationship and we alll claim to have it until we are tested.
I’ve never had a Facebook account and the examples discussed in this post are reason enough for me to keep it that way. When I’m dating someone, I’ll let them know I have a Twitter account and that I blog, but that’s about it. I feel like everything, shouldn’t be known by everybody.
I don’t know if social media will completely destroy relationships, but it definitely makes them more interesting. I think it’s also important to be cognizant of what you say because it may come back around to haunt you.
A male friend did a brilliant thing with his facebook. He and his wife made a joint facebook page. If you jus can’t disconnect from social media, I think joint pages with your spouse is a great idea. Each have control and it is understood to cyber friends that these two people are together.
Now that was a great solution!
Better stay on using facebook strictly for business..lol
Guess people will have to use those things called honesty and trust a bit more. Shrugs.
People are only as faithful as their options. That’s why our great grandparent’s generation had less divorce, they also had less options.
FACEBOOK is a serious relationship killer. I am been hearing some horror stories. I have seen Beautiful Black Marriages ruined. Family, Job Position, Public record and friendships destroyed. I think it is the new generation chip. I think people do honestly really take it that serious I have been in conversations with people where they are “QUOTING FROM FACEBOOK.” He aint call me back but he updated his facebook staus. It started with BlackPlanet and Myspace. I think it is a AWESOME NETWORKING AND MARKETING tool. But I think It may be the end of my relationship one day.
It’s a damn shame when folks volunteer the info that Mark manages to eat off of idiots on the keyboard lol!