Is it just me or does everyone want to have a say on how the Black woman should live HER life?
This is going to be short, as I just want to make an incredibly simple, real point. Think of it as a blog post comment gone wild. The life of the Black woman has rendered enough attention from the general population to become a topic of public discourse. Mass media, blogs, academia and research all attempt to either chronicle, analyze or advise the life of a Black woman. Bitter Black Woman. Single Black Woman. Self-Hating Black Woman. Can’t Find a Man Black Woman. Dont like other Black Women Black Woman. Bougie Black Woman. Ghetto Black Woman. Natural Hair Black Woman. Relaxed Hair Black Woman. Light Skinned, Dark Skinned, Mixed and everything in-between Black Woman. Divide and conquer much? It gets exhausting to say the least, offensive, at most. Google search “single black women” if you don’t know or believe what I’m talking about. Tack on “statistics” at the end if you feel like being entertained. And, if you really want to see something HILARIOUS, Google search “single black men”…look at the results….take a moment to reflect…did you see what I saw? They are the same results for “single black women” lol. And the sources are what we consider to be “reliable”, mainstream, popular media outlets, The New York Times, ABC News, The Economist and CNN to name a few. Do we think these are helping the cause or perpetuating the stereotype of “lonely black woman”? The Huffington Post, Trueslant.com, The Root and Essence.com have gone so far as to call it a “media attack.”
Can the Black woman have a chance to interject?
I am Black (West Indian and Hispanic), very single and very happy!
When did a relationship become the singular determining factor of a Black woman’s happiness? Let’s talk about the statistics I mentioned earlier. There are more women in college than men, this is common knowledge, but this is disproportionately true for the Black population. We know that history and biases are shaping the media agenda. But things have changed. We have let too many voices that don’t know our lives or experiences attempt to define them for us . Look at the number of beautiful, black, successful, SINGLE women that we have representing us. Relationships and marriage are both great, but we aren’t always aligned in that vision. Our destinies can be different and equally valuable and Id like the opportunity to decide.
“I write because I am a Black woman, listening attentively to her people”.
Maya Angelou, 1984
I am a contributing writer for several blogs and during the past few months I have sought to increase my cultural awareness and familiarity with the trends in blogging amongst young minorities, to my utter frustration. Much of what I found was directed toward me, about me, and surprisingly, I couldnt relate. I do not think all men are dogs (I have had bad experiences of course, but I look for the good in people). I do not think my skin is too dark. Although I know that racism, sexism and overall bigotry are very real, I do not think my race or ethnicity puts me at a disadvantage, society does. And even with that fact, I have every confidence that my faith and perseverance will allow me to break through. I have done great things with great people. I hope to find my soulmate one day, if I haven’t already, but I am not lonely or lacking in love. It surrounds me. I have loving family and supportive friends. I have a Bachelor’s degree and I am in the process of getting a Master’s degree from an Ivy League school. I have so much abstract concepts and theoretical constructs in my head that reality has shifted. I am fly. I am 23 and following my dreams. Life is far from perfect but I have God on my side. My future is so bright I need sunglasses lol. I keep my head up, shoulders back. Why do you insist I should be unhappy?
While you’re figuring that out, I want to say this to my fellow Black and Hispanic and Latina women while i’m at it, you are fine as you are! Do your thing! Maybe one day we will reach the higher plane. And to everyone else, rest assured, I am Black, Single…and Happy.
Check out http://www.whodoesshethinksheis.net/ for further inspiration!
Single Black Female Addicted to Retail http://www.sdotchronicles.com/
Article by Stephanie Felix
A future revolutionary, my hope is to bring bright ideas, inspire, and inform. I pray that all that I do and say is infused with the brilliance of my culture, diversity of my experiences, and my unparalleled sense of style. I am a visionary, in the most modest sense of the word, and every moment of my sanity is either between the lines of a staff, or the pages of a book. I'm the type of chick that, if I cant bring something fresh to the game, i'll sit it out on the bench. What can I say? All I do is win. Single Black Female Addicted to Retail http://sdotchronicles.com/
Stephanie has written 9 article(s) for us.
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Well, I am Black (Southern, descendant of slaves) plus I am single and very happy within my skin.
Ah women truly are masters of self deception.
Yeah and men lie to themselves, while they’re lying to others, while they’re being a ho, we all have our tendencies and our own “facts” about each other, what’s your point?
I was just acknowledging the superior skill women have in deceiving themselves. And if you were a lesbian, you’d probably have a better idea, why men lie to women so much.
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Really, lol, I’ve said far worse.
yawn..
co-sign
The irony of all this of course…is that black women perpetuate this by continuing to support those who make their singleness an issue.
You turned Steve Harvey into a best seller, selling a book on teaching you to “think like a man, and act like a lady.” You let CNN sit you at a table and then you proceeded to tell the entire world how you were such a great woman, but you couldn’t find a great man.
You toted your degrees and your jobs, and your qualifications and complained to anybody who listened that men weren’t on the same level as you. You had all these issues finding men, and you kept asking where all the “good brothers” have gone.
And people listened. And then it got bigger. And then it got everywhere…
And now you’re complaining about being attacked for being single. Which doesn’t make sense because you opened up the door for this entire conversation by running to the people who really didn’t give a fuck you were single in the first place. You took relationship advice from a 3 timed divorced balding man who wears 4 button suits.
You made “Basketball Wives” a show full of single black groupies which were knocked up by famous athletes, only a handful of the group were married. You jumped on Flavor Flav’s TV show for 3 seasons and openly competed for the affection of a goblin.
So excuse me if I’m apathetic to this blog post and topic as a whole. I’ve never been one to coddle those who ask for the spotlight and are upset when they are torched by it. I hope this doesn’t sound too mean spirited, but at the end of the day, if so many black women weren’t running on TV to tell the 2520s you were so single and you couldn’t find a man, this shit wouldn’t be everywhere you turn.
That’s just my opinion though *shrugs*
They never accept responsibility, and they reinvent ways to deceive themselves, from having to do so; if men didn’t have to deal with it, it would be considered a glorious phenomenon, worthy of study by the greatest thinkers of our time.
Great comment and while I cosign I think the author and many like her should realize that there are ultimately 2 types of black women. The ones like you described and others like my girl who are on the sidelines shaking their heads at the train-wreck. Hell yes they made it worse for themselves but a bird is a bird and thank god not all black women are birds like that. Look up bird int he dictionary and it’s Lisa-Raye perched on a statue looking salty.
I too have issuese with relating with most of the articles on skin bias or “single colored woman in America” issues that so many women of color obviously buy into. The blogosphere wouldn’t bother to cover these stories, media outlets as well, if there were no viewers which really shows just how rampant self-hatred can be. Sadly, the lonely unhappy Black woman is a targetable audience.
“Sadly, the lonely unhappy Black woman is a targetable audience.”
You have all the colorful reality shows to even more boost this point..
Pathetic.
Lol…ur twenty three. None of those articles about single black women address you and it may be why you can’t relate. But so far id say you fit the bill. Self identifiedFly..check.. Amassing degrees check. Man not really a priority ..check. Holst back when your thirty plus.
damn man that’s not right
the majority of Black men who are 30 plus are single too, so get off your high horse. And let’s not forget the out-of-this-world incarceration rate (higher than any group of humans on this planet), skyrocketing murder rate (by other Black men, mind you), highest rate of AIDS/HIV and a whole hosts of other issues far worse than being a “single Black woman” . So before you diss a Black woman for simply writing an article stating how she feels, turn the mirror around and look at yourself. As always, the Black male KKK-wannabes are out in force to try to diss and shoot down any and every Black woman even though she said absolutely nothing wrong.
She wrote an article stating how she feels. Leave her alone haters.
Smh.
As the president of the black male KKK, I must say you have greatly misunderstood our plan for the domination of the black woman. You see, I know someone like yourself, hasn’t had the privilege to go to our meetings, where we com,e dawned in suits and ties, and talk about how we’re going to deal with the possibility that Asian women might be developing big asses, and other factor that are of great importance to non-imprisoned black men, so let me try to give you some information on our agenda:
1. We seek to battle black women’s pain and suffering with logic, especially when the aforementioned are due to their own lack of logic.
2. We seek to brainwash black women into not sleeping with thugs, or men who are likely to go to prison, get anally raped, and them come back and give them HIV/AIDS
3. We seek to be the enemies of all women who have 3 or more tattoos on their body, or have kids by each man who is responsible for that tattoo
4. We seek to infuriate black women who hate black men, love white men, and blame black men for the media’s portrayal of them
5. We seek to discourage all women, who are obsessed with what they want in men, and yet all they have to bring to the table is “Hairy Fish” and lists of demands
6. We wish to finally, brainwash all black women into accepting that loudness, strength and power, don’t cover low self-esteem issues and the fact that they need to be settled, regardless of how hard one might try to hide them behind strong and abrasive attitudes.
Now you know what the black male kkk is all about. Now you can go plan a proper strategy so you can deal with your enemies, who are ready to erase people like yourself out of existence.
you are the single black woman kkk eager to point out morbidity stats on black men. i could run them on black women but they are irrelevant to this discussion. i merely pointed out the obvious. at 23, no one gives a hoot if you are single so what the hecht is she talking about. shes responding to something never directed to her and wondering how in the world anyone can relate when the reason she doesnt relate is because shes 23. its not wrong in as much as its just silly. who cares? its like if i wrote an essay about how i cant relate to someones depictions of the holocaust or something equally as far removed from my existence.
I may be in the minority of males today in giving you kudos on your article, beyond fly looks or whatever else a woman’s confidence can be pretty damn attractive and I enjoyed reading your insight into this well worn topic.
What I hope readers don’t miss out on in your piece is your well-meaning jab (or wake up slap) at the women who let self-pity and deflection (blame the biracial women for my issues) drive their writing, especially those who contribute here. I too have analyzed my brown peers in the blogosphere and its not a pretty picture the way the same tired excuses can get penned as articles day after day. The only people that can move on are the people writing and I applaud your effort on being one of them.
Its the same as always, if you’re being picked on and you keep reacting with squeals then people will keep it going. If you move past it and do yourself with confidence then the people picking on you will be forced to respect you regardless. Black women have no friends, this is no mystery but black women love to react to everything, and that is why the media keeps the movement alive.
Back men kill me…you tell Black women not to address the constant bombardment of attention that we did not ask for, nor did we start, but Black men have been shouting about just being “A Black Man Trying Ti Make It In America” foreever, and cry the loudest if anything is done to them.
Let a Black woman say one thing, or ask for some community support, repsect or help, and it’s “Black womne, you brought this on yourself”.
Lat time I checked, the majority of Black women did not buy Steve Harvey’s book (one of the ugliest and most annoying men in history), see Chris Rocks “Good Hair” (another annoying Black male entertainer who claims to be an expert on Black women), or will see “Dark Girl”. Black women didn’t ask nightline to run specials, CNN to make shows about us, or for fake medical experts to make up all kinds of false stats to blast to the Ameican public.
What has happened to Black men to where they are so willing to diss and accept anything about Black women, and generally hate on us? It’s ridiculous. Don’t forget how you were under the mic and lied upon by the CNN’s, nightlines, etc too,Black man – according to them, you were all down-low, gun toting, murderous thugs, rapists and killers who should be locked UNDER the jail.
So quit with your hate of Black women. Your white sheets are showing.
black men sold yall out for millions of bucks, tickets out the ghetto, and international fame. black women on dateline sold us out for two nights at the new york hilton and per diem.
Black men sold us out for absolutely nothing – most don’t have millions of bucks, most still live in the ‘hood, a huge amount are IN JAIL and most are not internationally famous either (other than being seen as some gold-toothed wearing, gold chain rocking, murderous (but extremely musical) thugs). And to othe fool talking about how Black womena re rock-bottom depressed about being single, don’t forget that one of the highest suicide rates in the country is among BLACK MEN. So who’s rock-bottom depressed now? If we want to trade jabs about which group is more pathetic, Black men or Black women, just know that Black men are easily moreso.
and guess what? Black women didn’t have to sell out to make their millions and BILLIONS. Oprah, Kathy Hughes, the Williams sisters and many more are doing GREAT on their own and didn’t have to play gangsters, pimps, hoes, go to jail, or cap their entire mouths in fake silver, gold, and diamonds.
if you think any rapper sold out, then kathy hughes,the person who creates the playlists for 75% of urban radio, urban radio that degrades black women 24/7, definitely sold out!!!! wont even get into the others because the first one was such a snafu i dont think you know wtf you are talking about.
and the bros in jail didnt sell yall out they just lost in life and there is a black female equivalent sucking up my tax money same as the bros in jail, only they have kids, and included truly innocent people in their loserness.
and pardon my typos!
I agree. I’m 21 n I wish the media would quit with the onslaught of negative commentary on my kind. Just let us live our lives how we want to and if we end up single and unhappy who cares, it’s our fault. A CNN special won’t prevent that.
I really don’t understand it anymore…as much as black women get tired of seeing, hearing a million articles about them and there lifestyles, but then you go on to sites like this and you see who is writing the articles and there all BLACK WOMEN…i mean seriously, on one hand you say your’e tired of america going in on you but then on the same hand you feed the beast yourselves…
the majority of Black men who are 30 plus are single too, so get off your high horse. And let’s not forget the out-of-this-world incarceration rate (higher than any group of humans on this planet), skyrocketing murder rate (by other Black men, mind you), highest rate of AIDS/HIV and a whole hosts of other issues far worse than being a “single Black woman” . So before you diss a Black woman for simply writing an article stating how she feels, turn the mirror around and look at yourself. As always, the Black male KKK-wannabes are out in force to try to diss and shoot down any and every Black woman even though she said absolutely nothing wrong.
She wrote an article stating how she feels – Leave her alone haters.
I don’t see/hear/encounter too many Black men rock bottom depressed because they’re single or lonely. Many Black women on the other hand…..